Is Being a ‘Chivalrouas Gentleman’ with Women Outdated?

In today's society, if a man exhibits behavior that is considered to be pleasant, polite, accommodating, and chivalrous, many of his male peers may label him a 'simp,' a 'cuck,' and/or a 'Beta male.' Are these labels appropriate and valid?

From the time many young men are children or pre-teens, their mother, step-mother, or grandmother will usually encourage them to behave like a ‘polite gentleman.’  I know my mother did with me.  I was always told to present myself as classy, well-mannered, easy-to-get-along-with, and extremely flattering and friendly.  Particularly as it related to interacting socially with women.

Fast forward to the 21st Century.  The term ‘gentleman’ has taken a major hit over the last fifteen plus years.  This term now has way more negative connotations attached to it than it does beneficial or positive connotations.

Popular comedian Dave Chappelle once proclaimed in one of his comedy bits, Chivalry is dead … and women killed it.”  So, the question becomes:  is it now more detrimental for a man to behave like a ‘gentleman’ toward a woman than it is beneficial?

A similar question is, is being a ‘gentleman’ synonymous with being a ‘Beta male’ who is easy for women to influence, browbeat, and take advantage of financially?  Even worse, will behaving like a ‘polite gentleman’ toward women cause a man to be labeled a ‘cuck’ (short for cuckold) and/or a ‘simp’ by his male peers?


In today’s dating scene, many men in the manosphere categorize any man who chooses to behave like a ‘polite gentleman’ with a woman as possessing a ‘blue pill’ mindset.  This would represent that the man still holds on to “old fashioned” (i.e., pre-1960s) morals, values, and ethics as it relates to the idea of dating, romance, marriage, and monogamy.

Can a man be ‘red pill aware’ and still behave like a ‘gentleman’ with women?  Good question.

On one end, no heterosexual man should ever feel obligated to behave like an ‘asshole’ toward women and/or an impolite ‘jerk’ toward women in order to be perceived as a ‘real man with backbone.’  There is no need for any man to intentionally exhibit behavior toward women that is disrespectful, blatantly rude, or verbally, emotionally, and/or physically abusive.

On the other end, any man who is very acquiescent, compromising, and accommodating toward women will generally be categorized as a ‘Beta male’ rather than an ‘Alpha male.’  Generally speaking, men who are Alpha males tend to present themselves to women in a manner that is far more confident than a Beta male; Alpha male types tend to be more dominant with women than Beta male types are; Alpha male types tend to be more hardline and uncompromising with women in terms of never allowing women to get away with behavior toward him that the Alpha male perceives as being too argumentative, too spoiled, disrespectful, and/or undesirable in general.

All that said, it is okay for both an Alpha male type and a Beta male type to give his wife or fiancée chocolate and roses on Valentine’s Day and to treat his wife or fiancée to dinner at an expensive restaurant on her birthday or to celebrate their anniversary.  Neither gesture would make a man who is married, engaged to be married, or otherwise romantically involved with a woman look “weak.”


Sadly, we have arrived at a point in time when many men will categorize any man who they feel says anything too ‘flattering’ or too ‘positive’ about women as either a ‘cuck’ (short for cuckold) and/or a ‘simp’ (more of a Black man’s term than a term used by non-Black men).  Both of these terms tend to be over-used excessively as well as used in an inappropriate and invalid manner.

We’ll start with the term cuckold.  Formally, a cuckold is a married man whose wife has been committing adultery behind his back for months, years, or decades, and just about everyone knows about his wife’s infidelity except for him.  Unfortunately, the husband whose wife has cheated on him repeatedly is usually the last person to find out about his wife’s erotic trysts with other men.  Even more specifically, a cuckold is a married man whose wife has not only engaged in sexual relations with one or more men behind his back repeatedly, but his wife has allowed another man to impregnate her.  Instead of immediately filing for divorce, if the husband decides to go ahead and raise his wife’s new son or daughter (that again, is not his) as if it is his own, that would automatically cause him to warrant the label of “cuckold” by his friends and acquaintances.

Informally, the term ‘cuckold’ is used quite frequently in the world of BDSM and Polyamory.  If a man is involved in the world of BDSM (i.e., Erotic Domination & Erotic Submission) and/or the world of Polyamory, he may enthusiastically volunteer to become a subservient ‘cuckold’ to his wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend.  This would involve him obediently taking care of all of the financial needs of his wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend … and it would also involve him allowing his significant other to enjoy herself sexually with other men, many times right in front of his face (i.e., he would be what’s known as a voyeur to her sexual activities with other men).

In the same way many men in general are quick to call a man a ‘cuck’ if they feel like that man is allowing women to have their way with him too frequently, many Black men are quick to refer to a man as a ‘simp’ if they feel that a man is too flattering toward women and spends too much time thinking about women, being around women, and puts too much emphasis on marriage and/or monogamy.   In my opinion, this is absolutely ridiculous.

A man who desires to get married is not a “simp.”  A man who desires to be in a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous romantic relationship with a woman is not a “simp.”  A man who treats his wife, fiancée, long-term girlfriend with love, kindness, and respect is not a “simp.”

A “simp” is man who knowingly allows a woman to treat him in a disrespectful and undesirable manner in general on a regular basis.  A man who allows women (that he has a romantic or strictly sexual interest in) to control his behavior, heavily influence his behavior, and even browbeat him and dominate him.  Even more specifically, a “simp” is a man who has a bad habit of spending large amounts of money on women who he is not even engaging in sexual relations with on a regular, semi-regular, or even an occasional basis (i.e., the man is essentially FunClubbing with women).  It is this type of behavior that truly represents a “simp.”  Any other description or definition of the term ‘simp’ is usually highly invalid.


There is nothing wrong with a man being a ‘chivalrous gentleman’ with a woman who genuinely deserves to be treated with love, kindness, and respect.  Particularly if that woman is the man’s wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend.  As a man, you have to learn how to identify and separate the women who are genuinely deserving of your respect from the women who are not.

Do not pay attention to these over-used and frivolous labels used by other men such as ‘cuck’ and ‘simp.’  Just about all of these other men who may be referring to you as a “cuck” or “simp” behind your back are more than likely men who are complete losers with women and have dedicated themselves to a life of romantic loneliness and indefinite masturbation.

Keep this mind.

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the, and he was also named the’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and will be a featured speaker again this year in October in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE

About Alan Roger Currie 91 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at

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