3 Reasons Why High Achieving Black Women Have Problems Dating

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

-Albert Einstein


Women, especially black women, have often and very publicly lamented the fact they have achieved in various areas of life, yet are failing at dating. Here are the top 3 reasons are to why.

Reason 1: They Think Success In Other Areas Grants Them Success In Dating

It is undeniable that in the 21st century in which we currently reside, women are doing great things. They are earning degrees, owning business, and achieving in the corporate world at an unprecedented rate. While all those things in the grand scheme of things may be well and good, they mean next to nothing on the dating market. Far too many women in general, but women black women especially, think that their achievement in other areas such as academia and the corporate world gives them cache in the dating world.  The simple truth is that it does not and that the laws that govern human dating/mating can’t be subverted or circumvented.  For better or worse, right or wrong, men chose women primarily, based on physical and sexual attractiveness, as well as their ability to produce children,  Simply not liking this doesn’t mean that isn’t true.  Achieving a high level of success in other areas doesn’t allow you to transfer said success to dating.  The women that are the most desirable to men, as I said, are the ones with best combination of physical and sexual attractiveness and childbearing potential.  It is what it is. Trying to ignore that is to do exactly the opposite of what Albert Einstein suggests, which is trying to solve the problem with the same thinking that created it.

Reason 2: Overplaying Their Hand

As stated in reason 1, physical attractiveness and childbearing potential are the most important factors in mate selection. However, those are only biological factors. There are secondary factors as well. I call them practical or pragmatic dating traits. This is where things such as one’s education level, income, social standing, etc come into play.  Because these are secondary traits used in mate selection, they have value, but less than primary traits. What ends up happening a lot of times is that the high achieving women feel because they may have a plethora of secondary traits, such as a college degree, high paying job, high social standing in society, etc that this should make up for the fact that they may have an insufficient amount of, or are completely devoid of the primary traits. Simply put, that is a fallacy. Mate selection is a sliding, weighed scale. Basically, all things being equal, men will select the women that are more physically attractive. When things are equal in terms of appearance, that’s where those secondary traits tip the scale in your favor. Rarely is it ever the other way around. When that is the case, almost always what happens is that the man will be with plain Jane that has the secondary traits (money, status, etc) but will cheat on her with or eventually leave her for a higher value woman. \

Reason 3: Understand That Men Want A Compliment Not a Competitor

This can’t be overstated. A fact of life is that is that it is a competition and a results oriented business.  However, the one place where men don’t expect or want competition is at home. It takes a certain amount of moxie and self determination to achieve in any area of life. However, the same skills that help in the workplace or school, can work against you at home.  A man wants a compliment, not competition. Home, and by extension, a relationship should be a place of solace from the challenges of the outside word, not an extension of it.

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