Are You a 5-Star Lover?

A man's seduction and arousal skills is what gets women in bed; his intercourse skills is what pleases and satisfies a woman in bed; and his emotional bonding and sense of romance is what keeps her wanting more

A few years ago, an informal survey came out that stated that 65% of the women who participated in this particular survey felt sexually disappointed and unsatisfied. If indeed this survey could be used to represent all heterosexual women in society (both married and unmarried), then this would raise a huge red flag among the bedroom skills of the heterosexual men in society. Many women stated that they would prefer to masturbate using a wide assortment of female sex toys (e.g., dildos, vibrators, bullets, clit stimulators, et al) than engage in oral sex and/or intercourse with living, breathing men.

This brings us to the question: What type of man knows how to consistently please and satisfy a woman in bed? What areas do men need to improve upon?


Each episode of the sexual experience between a man and a woman can be generally broken down into three phases:

• Phase 1: Seduction, Arousal, and Foreplay
• Phase 2: Intercourse & Lovemaking
• Phase 3: Cuddling, Emotional Bonding, and Quality Time Spent with Each Other Between Episodes of Sex

How good – or how bad – a man performs in each of these three phases will generally determine if his female sex partner(s) perceives him to be a 5-star lover, a 4-star lover, a 3-star lover, a 2-star lover, or a 1-star lover. Sadly, some men may even find themselves with 0 stars (i.e., a woman will make the decision not to engage in any physical and/or sexual activity with these men at all).


This phase is probably most important for men as it relates to their very first time attempting to motivate a woman to agree to have sex with them. If a man aspires to be a serial monogamist (i.e., a man who engages in a series of short-term monogamous sexual relationships with women) or a prolific womanizer (i.e., a man who engages in one or more episodes of short-term non-monogamous sex with a multiplicity of women), then it is an absolute must that a man consistently earns a “thumbs up” rating from women in this area.

When a man meets a brand new female acquaintance, and he has no such thing as a ‘reputation (about his sexual prowess, or lack thereof) that precedes him,’ then this phase is of crucial importance.

If a man getting a woman to have sex with him was analogous to a chef or restaurant owner motivating a new customer to try his “house special” or “specialty entrée,” then this phase would be akin to the customer laying eyes on the entrée, smelling it, and taking in its essence for the very first time.

First and foremost, the most important characteristics of this phase is a man’s overall physical appearance, his grooming, his clothing, his personal hygiene, as well as his body language, demeanor, and verbal communication skills.

If a man is not up to a woman’s standards regarding any of the above-mentioned factors, his chances of seducing a woman into agreeing to engage in sexual activities with him are somewhere between ‘slim’ and ‘none.’

If the attempt to seduce and arouse a woman is successful, then the next factors of importance are a man’s mouth (lips and tongue) and his manner of touch with his hands. Women are not ‘microwave ovens’ when it comes to their bodies becoming sexually aroused. The vast majority of women are more like a conventional oven that needs to be “preheated” before placing food into it. Three activities that usually get a woman aroused are:

• Erotic Dirty Talk (otherwise known as ‘pillow talk’ or ‘naughty whispering’)
• Passionate Tongue-Kissing and Light, Gentle Kisses on a Woman’s Body
• Sensual Caressing and Touching of a Woman’s Body with a Man’s Hands

A bi-sexual stripper on the HBO series, Real Sex, was once asked what is the difference between being ‘erotic’ and being ‘sexual.’ Her response was, “Just about every human being is sexual. To be sexual simply means you have a strong desire to enjoy oral sex, anal sex, intercourse, or at minimum have your genitalia caressed and massaged until you reach the point of orgasm. On the other hand, to be erotic represents when a man or woman is very skilled and talented at getting their chosen partner to the absolute highest degree of sexual arousal … prior to engaging in the act of actual lovemaking.”

That said, we can nickname Phase #1 as “The Erotic Phase.”


If any man aspires to be categorized by a woman as a four-star or five-star lover, he absolutely must be able to ‘deliver the goods’ when it comes to the intercourse & lovemaking phase.

If any man gains a reputation for being anywhere from ‘above-average’ to ‘exceptional’ with his Phase #2 bedroom skills, many times he will not have to engage in much ‘seduction’ with many of the women in his city or social circle. Fortunately for a man of this status, he will often experience a lot of what is known as “referral pussy” from women (i.e., when at least one woman who has already engaged in intercourse with this man gloats about his sexual prowess to one or more of her girlfriends, creating a sense of curiosity in the minds of her girlfriends about said man).

Using that same restaurant food analogy from Phase #1, this would be the phase where the customer actually tastes the food and either leaves with a smile on their face and a satisfied stomach … or a feeling of disappointment or at minimum, a reaction of indifference.

The most important characteristics for this phase are a sense of confidence, masculinity, and erotic dominance … an above-average degree of stamina and body flexibility … and depending on the woman, a penis that is at least average, if not more preferably above-average in terms of length and/or thickness.  As many men cross the age of forty, some men are known to experience a decrease in testosterone and a diminishing libido which usually results in some form of erectile dysfunction (ED).  When this is the case for middle-aged and older men, many will seek a prescription for Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra from their physician to solve their ED problems.

The ultimate objective of this phase for a man is to massage the inner walls of a woman’s vagina with his penis and grind against a woman’s clitoris in a gyrating manner to the point where the woman is able to reach a point of orgasm. It also helps if a man knows how to stimulate a woman’s “G-Spot.”

Some men make the mistake of placing so much emphasis on their own ejaculatory orgasm that they tend to treat the importance of a woman’s orgasm as a complete afterthought. Consequently, this is exactly why many women tend to report a feeling a disappointment and lack of satisfaction regarding their various sexual experiences with men.

When a man allows himself to become selfish and/or lazy in relation to this phase, it could prove disastrous to his sexual reputation among women.  One thing about women:  If a man is great in bed, a woman might sing the praises of this man to one or two of her closest girlfriends.  Maybe even four or five. On the flip side, if a man is horrible in bed (and particularly, in Phase #2), many women will share this information with ten, fifteen, or twenty or more of their female friends.  You’ve been warned.


For men who are incorrigible womanizers who only engage in promiscuous one-night stands and weekend flings with women, this phase is of the least importance for them.

Conversely, for men who are married, or have a long-term romantic companion or polyamorous sex partner, this phase is just as important – if not more important – than both Phase #1 and Phase #2.

For the third and final time using the restaurant analogy, no chef or restaurant owner wants a customer to taste their preferred entrées just one time, and never return to the restaurant ever again. Restaurants earn revenues based on repeat customers.

If a man is married, or he is involved in a long-term monogamous or non-monogamous unmarried relationship, he should take it upon himself to develop a strong emotional bond with his lover(s).

This emotional bond is usually achieved from repeated episodes of cuddling and ‘spooning’ right after sex, as well as the man making every effort to be romantic in-between episodes of sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. To be romantic with a woman means to make a woman feel very ‘special’ when she is in your presence during those moments when sex is not taking place. No woman who is married or involved in a long-term sexual relationship with a man wants to feel like nothing more than ‘a piece of meat’ in the eyes of that man.

If any married man wishes to prevent his wife from filing for divorce, or at a minimum, prevent his wife from cheating on him behind his back, he would be best advised to place a high degree of emphasis on Phase #3. The same advice applies to unmarried men with one or more long-term lovers.  To be exceptional in Phase #3, a man must improve his sense of patience with women, his sense of emotional empathy, and a full appreciation for a woman’s non-sexual companionship.


Generally speaking, this is how most men’s sexual prowess is evaluated by women in society:

5-Star Lover

This would be a man who is considered ‘above-average’ to ‘exceptional’ in all three phases of the sexual experience with women

4-Star Lover

This would be a man who is considered ‘above-average’ to ‘exceptional in both Phase #1 and Phase #2, or in both Phase #2 and Phase #3. This man’s weakness would be in either Phase #1 or Phase #3 (more than likely, the latter).

3-Star Lover

This would be a man who is usually ‘very good’ to ‘exceptional’ when it comes to Phase #2, but he is ‘average’ at best when it comes to both Phase #1 and Phase #3. Many men who are women’s “boy toys,” “side dudes,” and other variations of a ‘casual sex lover only’ for a woman tend to fall into this category.

2-Star Lover

This would be a man who is usually ‘very good’ to ‘exceptional’ when it comes to Phase #1 and Phase #3 (or in some instances, just Phase #3), but he is only ‘average’ at best in relation to Phase #2. If this man is single, then this is the type of guy that will usually qualify to be on some woman’s ‘stand-by list’ as her #3, #4 or #5 choice when she is in-between relationships and extremely horny (and her #1 or #2 choice for a sexual companion is not available at the moment).  If this man is married or involved in a long-term romantic relationship with a woman, there is a greater than 50% chance that this man’s wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend has a 3-star lover or 4-star lover as a regular, semi-regular, or occasional “side dude.”

1-Star Lover

This would be a man who is at least ‘above-average’ when it comes to Phase #1, but this man is totally unsatisfying with women when it comes to Phase #2 and completely self-centered and narcissistic when it comes to Phase #3. Very few, if any women, will ever give this man a second chance in bed, and these men will almost never share a bed with the same woman three or more times.

0-Star Lover

This would be a man who is so poor in Phase #1, that he cannot even motivate a woman to engage in anything beyond light ‘making out’ with him.   No woman will ever allow this man to advance to Phase #2.  Masturbation is this man’s best friend.


There is arguably nothing that contributes to a man’s sense of self-confidence and self-esteem more than how much he believes he is capable of pleasing and satisfying one or more women in bed.

As a man, never take your bedroom skills for granted. If you need to eat right and exercise more, do so. If you need to read more ‘sex instruction’ books and/or erotica novels, do so. If you need tips from a friend or a relationship expert on how to be more romantic with your wife, fiancée, or long-term lover, surely seek out that much-needed advice.

Make being a 4-star or 5-star lover your ultimate goal, and do not rest until you receive the feedback from your female lovers that you ideally desire.

More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions.  Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships.  If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.  Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA).  For more information, visit

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About Alan Roger Currie 91 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at