On one of my YouTube channels I did a video entitled, “That Whole Thug Thing.” In the video I spoke about how the notion of Black women overwhelmingly going for the Pookie and Ray Rays of the hood is way overblown. My commentary was that women go for a man who exhibits a certain type of masculine energy regardless if the man is a street thug or a Wall Street Banker. Some men didn’t get my point.
There were a few men who thought I was out of my mind for even suggesting that men other than Pookie and Ray Ray are able to get attractive women. One man even had the nerve to say I could do better. After I corrected the gentleman on what to say and not say to me I pondered the significance of the resistance to my commentary. It actually reveals a bigger problem in the perception of male/female relationship dynamics. The reality is that everybody is not going to see relationships the same way.
In my book, Nice Guys and Players, I talk about how women in Western culture divide men into two groups for sex and relationships: Select and Non-Select. The select are those men who women prefer for sex and relationships. These are the men who women actively try to seduce. The non-select are the men women try to avoid, even for the dreaded friendzone. Indeed many women will try to fill their friendzone with select men if they can. This speaks to how much they don’t want to deal with non-select men. If a woman through her circumstances is forced to deal with a non-select man she will deal with him in an inferior way. A result of this select/non-select paradigm is that many men will develop a certain perception of women.
The men in the select group will tend to have a favorable perspective of women. The reason is that women are readily and easily having sex with select men. Indeed women will go out of their way to please and service the demands of a man they consider select. The perception of the average select man is that women are warm and loving people who like to back that thing up.
The men in the non-select group will tend to have an unfavorable perspective of women. Most non-select men will struggle with getting sex from a woman. If they do manage to get sex it will be like having sex with a starfish. The woman will just lay there while wishing the man will finish quickly. Women will make it a point to treat the non-select man like a second class citizen. The perception of the average non-select man is that women are cold and mean people that like to give men hell.
In the rare situations where select and non-select men are in the same place there is a good chance that there will be arguments. The select men will be talking about how great women are while the non-select men will think they are crazy. The non-select men will talk about the bad things women do while the select men will wonder which women they are talking about. The thing is that they are both right from their unique perspectives. This is where we get to the biggest problem with some men in the game. The problem is thinking that their perspective is universally shared.
In order for a man to really understand the game of man gets woman, indeed the game of life, he needs to see things from all angles. It’s like when a man plays himself in a game of chess. He see things from all angles. Men need to learn how to see things from another perspective. A select man needs to respectfully listen to the issues that a non-select man faces. In that way he will actually understand his position better. A non-select man needs to listen to the select man’s perspective so that he may gain new light on his own perspective.
All men need to see things from all sides.
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