There are a lot of factors that have contributed to men’s frustrations with women in today’s dating scene, and similarly, there are a number of factors that have contributed to many women’s frustrations with men. If I had to highlight at least one of the most major factors that contribute to shattered egos and hurt feelings, it would be men and women’s frequent mistake of confusing the appeal of their sexual companionship with the appeal of their non-sexual companionship. The appeal of each is like apples and oranges. They are in no way synonymous with each other.
If you were to visit my main website (DirectApproachDating.com), you will see that I divide all interactions between men and women into three general categories:
- A series of interactions between a man and a woman that are STRICTLY NON-SEXUAL in nature (e.g., a purely ‘platonic friends only’ relationship or maybe a strictly business only relationship)
- A series of interactions between a man and a woman that are STRICTLY SEXUAL in nature (e.g., a casual sex oriented ‘f*ck buddy’ relationship or a Call Girl – Male client [i.e., ‘trick’] arrangement)
- A series of interactions between a man and a woman that offer a ‘blend’ of both SEXUAL and NON-SEXUAL companionship for both the man and woman involved (e.g., any long-term romantic relationship, such as a marriage or a couple who cohabitates together)
If a woman who is looking for a man to be her platonic friend only happens to connect with a man who is looking for the exact same type of relationship from a woman, then 99% chance, there are going to be no ‘manipulative head games’ employed between the two. This man and this woman are on the same page.
If a man who is only looking for short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex happens to connect with a woman who is in the market for the exact same type of relationship, then 99% chance, there are going to be no misleading tactics used between the two nor will there be any blatant dishonesty displayed between the two. This man and this woman are on the same page.
Problems between men and women usually arise when one person is looking for a primarily sexual relationship, while the other person is seeking a relationship that primarily is non-sexual and platonic in nature. This scenario opens the door for all sorts of ‘manipulative head games’ to take place.
Men, generally speaking, tend to make the mistake of assuming that if a woman is attracted to their non-sexual companionship … then at some point, those same women will also find themselves attracted to them sexually. Often, this is simply not the case.
Similarly, many women tend to make the mistake of assuming that if a man finds their sexual companionship highly appealing, that he will at some point learn to value their non-sexual companionship just as much if not more. WRONG.
MANY WOMEN TEND TO OVERESTIMATE THE APPEAL OF THEIR NON-SEXUAL COMPANIONSHIP
Here is the harsh reality for women: Very few men – and particularly those men who are Alpha male types – are genuinely interested in spending a lot of time with women non-sexually. The worst are those men I refer to in my book, The Beta Male Revolution, as “Total Alpha males.” Far more often than not, men of this ilk only want to spend time with women if sex and orgasmic pleasure is going to be involved. Otherwise, Total Alpha male types really want nothing to do with women. This is one of the reasons why you have some women who will allow themselves to get pregnant by a Total Alpha male type, and then never hear from the biological father of their child(ren) ever again.
One ‘game tactic’ that many conventional pickup artists (PUAs) teach their male clients is to purposely mislead women into believing that you as a man genuinely want to spend time with that woman both sexually and non-sexually, but then … after you have had sex with the woman several times … find a way to stop seeing her and move on to the next woman of interest. Personally, I think that tactic is foul and unethical (read my article titled ‘Yes, There are Ethics to Getting Laid’).
Men need to learn to have the balls to be upfront, specific, and straightforwardly honest with women about their true romantic and/or sexual desires, interests, and intentions. I highlight this fact in my audiobook, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking as well as my audiobook, Oooooh … Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex.
MANY MEN VERY FREQUENTLY CONFUSE THE APPEAL OF THEIR NON-SEXUAL COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE APPEAL OF THEIR SEXUAL COMPANIONSHIP
Here is the harsh reality for men: If women perceive you as a more of a Beta male than an Alpha male, then you can surely bet that these women are gravitating to you more so for your non-sexual companionship (and financial generosity) than they are your sexual companionship.
For example, some men mistakenly believe that if a woman chooses to engage in a lengthy, entertaining conversation with them (either over-the-telephone or face-to-face), that this is also representative of some sort of romantic and/or sexual attraction on behalf of the woman. Uhm . . . nope. Not necessarily.
The reality is, women LOVE men’s non-sexual companionship (much more than vice versa). A woman can have absolutely no interest in sharing a man’s company in a romantic and/or sexual manner, but be totally enthusiastic about sharing the company of that man in a purely platonic manner.
If you want more insight about how women look to exploit men for their non-sexual companionship and financial generosity, be sure and check out my audiobook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly.
Bottom line: Never ever confuse the appeal of your non-sexual companionship with the appeal of your sexual companionship. Some men and women will find both aspects of your companionship appealing, and those are the men and women who you will usually end up married to or involved in a long-term relationship with. For the others? They are just looking for one aspect of your companionship or the other. They just want to be your platonic friend or your dependable f*ck buddy. Please keep this in mind moving forward.