Are You a Jealous, Envious ‘Player-Hater’ Type?

Anytime you have an above-average degree of career success, financial success, and most notably, a very high degree of popularity among attractive, desirable women, you can almost bet money that men who are jealous, envious 'player-hater' types are going reveal themselves to you at some point

If anyone knows my backstory, you’ll know that the very first time that I began receiving a high degree of flattering and sexual attention from women was in late August or early September of 1980, which was the very start of my senior year in high school.

When I was in elementary school, I was always known as the “chubby kid” in my class.  I was not into athletics or sports at all, and for the most part, I would have been considered a “Black nerd” type by many.  I was generally considered as one of the Top 2, Top 3 smartest kids in my grade from 1st Grade to 6th Grade.

I did begin participating in athletics beginning with the 7th Grade.  I began playing football, and that is when I first began picking up the basics of basketball, which was my favorite sport to play.

In 7th Grade and 8th Grade, I received hardly any attention from girls.  Most girls considered me a “square” and “goody two-shoes.”  I did not use hardly any profanity, and I was very much still into comic books (both Marvel and DC). 

During my freshman, sophomore, and junior in high school, I received at best an ‘average’ degree of flattering and sexual attention from the girls.  The good thing was, I was no longer a virgin.

The key turning point for me in terms in increasing the amount of attention from girls came during the summer in-between my junior year and senior year in high school.

I had tried out for the varsity basketball team my junior year in high school but did not make the team.  A large part of the reason why I failed to earn a spot on the team was because I would become very winded and out-of-breath during practice (particularly when we had to do non-stop wind sprints), so I made it my mission to engage in a day-to-day, week-to-week series of intensive exercise workout sessions during the summer of 1980.  I would exercise two times per day four days per week (cardio, which included both jogging 2 miles and wind sprints), and three times per day three days per week (cardio plus free weights).

Long story short, the ‘bad’ news was that for the second year in a row, I failed to earn a spot on the varsity basketball team.  My heart was broken. I really, really wanted to make the varsity basketball team.

The ‘good’ news or ‘consolation prize’ was, because I had worked out so much and subsequently improved my physique so significantly (my senior year, my physique was slender, lean, and muscular … probably similar to Brad Pitt’s physique in the movie, Fight Club) the amount of attention I began receiving from the girls increased dramatically.

Not only did the girls from my own individual high school give me much more attention, but many of the girls from the five other (public) high schools in Gary, Indiana began coming out of the woodworks giving me flattering attention and sexual attention.  Some girls literally reacted to me and my looks as if I were some sort of box-office movie star or popular R & B / Hip Hop singer.

In the first few weeks of my senior year in high school, I was on “Cloud Nine” because of all this newfound attention I was receiving from the girls, but there was one very negative aspect of receiving a high degree of flattering and sexual attention that slowly but surely began to reveal itself.


Before my senior year in high school, I had no idea what it meant to be ‘hated on’ by other men.  I had dealt with my share of bullies and wannabe bullies, but men who are jealous, envious “player haters” are a totally different animal (but a man can be both a bully AND a player-hater if allowed to be).

The slang term “player-hater” did not really become popular until the late 1980s or early 1990s, but the term basically applies to any man who is very jealous and envious of another man’s career success, financial success, and probably most prominently, the man is jealous and envious of another man’s rising popularity with women.

For example, if you develop a dislike for another man because they stole money from you, or tried to bully you or intimidate you, or went out of their way to make your life miserable in some manner, then you would not be guilty of being labeled a “player-hater” in that situation.  In this scenario, you would have a legitimate reason to maintain disdain for another man.  Similarly, if you are a man who is totally against the use of illegal drugs, but you are prone to harshly criticize other men who encourage and condone the use of illegal drugs, your critical comments about drug dealers and those who use drugs would not warrant the tag of “player hater.”  You would be simply a legitimate “critic” of those who have a different set of morals, values, and personal ethics than you do.

On the other hand, if you find yourself disliking another man … to the point where you are always criticizing this man and expressing insulting comments about this man … and your only real issue with this man and your primary motivation for criticizing this man centers on the fact that you consider this man to be more handsome than yourself, in possession of a higher degree of seductive charm and sex appeal than yourself, and this man generally receives more romantic and sexual attention from attractive women than you currently do, this would place you in the category of a certified player-hater.

Beginning with roughly my 18th birthday, I have had to deal with several player-haters pretty much my entire adult life.  I have not cross paths with nearly as many player-hater types in my forties and fifties as I did between the ages of approximately 18 and 39, but I still come across many of those types from time to time.  When I was younger, I literally had men attempt to start a fisticuffs fight with me … men who I did not even know or had never engaged in even on conversation with … simply because these men were jealous and envious of the amount of flattering attention I was receiving from women who they happened to be attracted to.


If you read the manifesto of the murderous, misogynistic incel named Elliott Rodger, you will quickly surmise that not only did Rodger have a high degree of misogynistic bitterness toward many women, but he was a full-fledged player-hater of womanizing men who were experiencing much more success attracting and seducing women than he ever did.  Rodger had a particular dislike for African-American men who were very popular with Caucasian women.

If anyone read my 1999 eBook version of Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking or the 2006 paperback version, you will recall that I spent an entire chapter (Chapter 7 in those two version) discussing how to deal with the behavior of men who are jealous, envious player-hater types. 

Then, in Chapter 8 of those two versions, I warn men against player-hating on other men while they are in the company of attractive women.  I feel that player-hating on other men who are more popular than you while in the company of desirable women makes you look petty and egotistically insecure.

In my adult life, I do not think I have ever been guilty of harshly criticizing a man and/or personally insulting another man solely and specifically because I perceived that man as being more romantically and sexually desirable in the eyes of women than I was.  Instead, I have always admired men who I perceive to be handsome, ultra-smooth, verbally seductive, popular ladies’ man types and womanizer types.  I have always sought to learn from these types of men rather than to belittle them or hurl petty insults their way.

All I can say is, don’t be a player-hater.  Why carry around all that petty jealous and envy as well as all that unnecessary bitterness toward another man?  Just concern yourself with your own personal development and self-improvement activities and let the chips fall where they may.

Haters hate.  Lovers love.  Keep this in mind.

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the, and he was also named the’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and was a featured speaker for the second time on Saturday, October 13, 2018 in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE

Facebook Comments
About Alan Roger Currie 91 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at