What Men ASSUME Women “Want to Hear” is Usually Wrong

There are many comments that some men believe are too bold, too blunt, and/or too "socially inappropriate" to express to women in a first conversation, but nothing could be further from the truth

I was recently listening to a livestream podcast on YouTube, and I heard a young African-American man offer the statement, “In order to be a ladies’ man, you must tell women ‘what they want to hear’ … you can’t tell women the truth about anything and be a successful ladies’ man.”

Quite naturally, being the Author of the best-seller, Mode One: Whisper Into a Woman’s Ear What is REALLY On Your Mind, listening to that statement being expressed both amused me, and made me cringe.

I had to ask myself, “Are most men in society this naïve when it comes to the behavior of men who are ladies’ men and prolific womanizers?”

Ever since I adopted the Mode One Approach as my primary verbal communication style with women, I have never had to resort to lying to women and/or saying to women “what they want to hear” in order to motivate them to agree to engage in sexual relations with me.  Matter of fact, I would say in my history with women, just the opposite situation has been the case.

Beginning with the age of twenty-two, I was provocatively and bluntly straightforward with the women who I engaged in sex with about the fact that I wanted to exchange orgasms with them.  Some of those women were initially caught off guard by my cocky candor, while others even criticized me and insulted me for being so unconventionally honest, but the fact of the matter is, these women all ended up engaging in sexual relations with me nonetheless.

IF YOUR DESIRE IS TO GET A WOMAN SEXUALLY AROUSED, WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING and EVERYTHING BUT SEX WITH HER?

If you have a strong desire to become sexually intimate with a woman, why would you spend an hour or more talking about your favorite movies and her favorite movies? Are you going to hire her as your personal movie critic?

If the number one thing that is on your mind is exchanging pleasurable orgasms with a woman, why would you spend an hour or longer conversing with a woman about the fact that she converted to vegetarianism ten years ago? Are you looking to stop eating steak and chicken wings within the next thirty days and become a raw food vegan? Do you want this woman to become your personal nutritionist?

When I first make the acquaintance of a woman who I find physically attractive and sexually appealing, I usually express my sexual desires, interests, and intentions to her within roughly the first five minutes of my very first conversation with her.  Sometimes I express my sexual desires and interest to women using relatively ‘tame’ language (PG or PG-13 words and phrases), while other times, I use very sexually explicit language (R-rated, X-rated, or even XXX-rated).  I refer to that latter approach as being “Mode One – HARDCORE.”

In particular, I am very verbally direct and straightforwardly honest with women when I first meet them if I know ahead of time that my primary interest leans more so toward engaging in one or more episodes of short term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex rather than entering into a long term, emotionally profound, monogamous romantic relationship with them (if my interests are geared more toward the latter, I will many times take my time in order to thoroughly get to know every facet of the woman’s personality quirks, moral character & integrity, and her general hobbies and interests).

Surveys and other formal and informal research suggest that the average woman knows within the first ten minutes of her first conversation with a man whether or not she is interested in spending time with a man in a strictly sexual manner.  The woman may be somewhat ‘indecisive’ regarding the appeal of the man’s non-sexual companionship, but no woman is undecided about her desire to spend time with a man strictly for sexual enjoyment and satisfaction.  Some women have asserted that they know within the first thirty-seconds after meeting a man if they will engage in one or more episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with him.   Given these facts, why would any man choose to discuss anything other than sex with a woman if his specific objective is short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex?

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT TO HEAR vs. WHAT MEN BELIEVE WOMEN WANT TO HEAR

For me, the terms “rude,” “socially inappropriate,” “disrespectful,” and other similar terms that women throw around in response to an unexpected erotically explicit conversation are very, very subjective in their use and definition. One woman’s “turn-off” is another woman’s “turn-on.”

I remember way back in October 1990, a woman who used to be a student of my mother, shared with me the inner thinking of most women.  Here is what she said (slightly paraphrased):

“We (women) know as soon as a man is extra friendly with us or flirtatious with us that he wants to get in our pants.  We know this. Or at least, this is what we confidently assume.  What separates men in our eyes and minds is ‘Is this man bold enough to straightforwardly tell us that he wants to get in our pants?  Or is this man going to attempt to flatter us first, offer to spend money on us first, or generally try to bullshit us first?  Only probably two-percent of men fall into the bold straightforward category.  The remaining ninety-eight percent of men fall into the latter category.  Sometimes, we (women) will still go ahead and have sex with the men in the second category, but it is going to require more time invested and money spent on their part.  But if a man is in the first category … the bold and straightforward category … he will usually get in our pants very quickly, and without spending any money on us whatsoever.”

If you are familiar with the original 1999 eBook version of my Mode One book, you will recognize that it was my conversation with this particular woman in fall of 1990 that directly led to my formation of The Four Modes of Verbal Communication™.  It was right after my conversation with this young lady that I first outlined the basis for what I now refer to as Mode One behavior, Mode Two behavior, Mode Three behavior, and Mode Four behavior.

So, I say . . . if you feel like talking about sex with a woman during your first conversation with her, by all means do so. I mean, do you really want to date or have sex with a woman who has a very negative, theatrical, and/or prudish reaction to your provocative style of conversation and interpersonal communication? I mean, really? Personally, I have no desire to lie in bed with a woman who frowns at the mere mention of anything sexually provocative or erotically explicit and kinky .

My advice?  Quit trying to adhere to the social norms and invalid rules of first-conversation ‘etiquette’ that many sexually duplicitous, self-righteous, and highly manipulative women attempt to promote and perpetuate. You have to be the man who you really want to be with women. Anything else is a ‘social facade.’ It’s B.S. The type of relationship and companionship you are looking for is what should determine the subject matter in all of your conversations with women.

Even if a sexually provocative conversation with a woman does not always direct lead to sex, it will help you quickly and easily identify women who are Manipulative Timewaster types.

If you are looking for a woman to cook for you, talk about food. If you are looking for a woman to help keep your house or apartment clean, talk about the joys of housekeeping. If you are looking for a woman to help you raise children, talk about the challenges of parenting.

And if you are looking for a woman to experience enjoyable and satisfying sex with in the near future …

be Mode One.  Always.

Good luck my friend.

Note: Columnist Alan Roger Currie will not have a published article posted on the following dates due to his travel schedule and/or vacation plans:

  • Monday, November 5, 2018
  • Monday, November 26, 2018
  • Monday, December 24, 2018
  • Monday, December 31, 2018

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and was a featured speaker for the second time on Saturday, October 13, 2018 in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE

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About Alan Roger Currie 81 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net