Atara’s Choice

A recent viral Facebook video shines a bright light onto why so many Black women are forever alone today

Ladies & gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exhibit 4,375,019 of Black Female Fuckery: one Ms. Atara Dallas!
Ladies & gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exhibit 4,375,019 of Black Female Fuckery: one Ms. Atara Dallas!

“There are no solutions; only tradeoffs.”
-Thomas Sowell

A major premise when I accepted the assignment to be the current dating coach in residence at the Black Juggernaut, was to bring a “ripped from the headlines” feel and approach to dating and mating issues in present day Black America from the perspective of the so-called “Non-Select Guy” – something that, until now, has never been attempted. With nearly a year into my post in this regard, I should hope that my readers will have agreed that my columns have tried to keep in line with the aforementioned premise; and today’s column is no different.

By now, many of you have heard of the viral video rant by one Ms. Atara Dallas, the 40-year old single mother of two from Miami, FL. Her nearly eleven minute-long diatribe, in which she appeared to be responding to a number of Black men who were inquiring into why she was single, has as of this morning, garnered nearly 660K views, over 8K comments, more than 5K likes and upwards of 9K shares on Facebook alone in the past two weeks(!) (“LISTEN…we have EXTRA SLIM PICKINS OUTCHEA!!!! It takes 1,2,3 nuggas to make ONE DAMN MAN!!!!!!!!! Tell’em what it is ATARA sus!!!!” Sizzle After Dark Facebook Group, Apr 13, 2020). Clearly, what Ms. Dallas had to say, deeply resonates with hundreds of thousands of Black women – after all, I would think the learned and thoughtful among us would agree, that OVER HALF A MILLION viewers, is quite a heck of a sample size, is it not?

So, exactly what did Ms. Dallas say that has gotten the attention of so many? In a nutshell, she said what arguably millions of Black women wholeheartedly agree: That there is a decided shortage of the kinds of Black men they desire – no great secret there. But it goes further: Ms. Dallas’ missive takes a decided departure from the pat bromides from Black women of the past, who would attempt to dress up their base desires with moans about there not being “enough Black men on their level” and so forth. Ms. Dallas’ testimonial now freely admits that there are Black men who exist who earn well and do well for themselves, but they have, and I quote, “little dicks” and “look like gorillas”.

This brings up another very interesting point that deserves mention: The notion that, because Ms. Dallas comes across as “hood”, we should dismiss her rantings. The argument would work IF there weren’t “Oprah-level” Black women saying the same thing, just expressing it in the “Queen’s English” – as in, “not enough Black men being on my level”, etc. Again, nearly 700K views this video has gotten in the span of only two weeks – and we have more than enough evidence in the form of Essence, the magazine of record for upscale Black women for the better part of a half century, that while Ms. Dallas’s diction may not comport with that of her better heeled sistas, it is clear as to what turns both their crank. Need I remind the reader of what was reported in Essence only five years ago?

“ESSENCE.COM: Do you feel Black women and men are too particular when it comes to potential dating candidates?

FISHER: We found that as opposed to the White clients that we’ve had, Black women are usually looking for physical attributes first. We look for someone who is attractive to us and then we pick up on his hobbies, interests and values. Whereas, White clients are looking for the reverse first. What kind of job does he have? Is he going to be able to provide? Then they circle back.

GILMORE: We’re the first ones to look at men’s bodies and how attractive they are whereas our White clients have a long list of requirements of things like character and integrity…

FISHER: …and, then down the line, it backfires for us because you were never a compatible mix to start with.”

(“Why Is It So Hard For Black Women to Find The Love They Deserve?”,, Nov 5, 2015)

As noted above, Ms. Dallas isn’t alone. In the five years since I’ve embarked on a multimedia career geared to the interests and concerns of “Non-Select Guys” in Black America, I’ve witnessed the inexorable moving of the needle in this regard; no longer are Black women carping about a lack of “eligible” Black men; now, they openly admit that they exist. Rather, what they lament is that these Black men are not desirable in some way, shape, for or fashion. For example, Dallas herself makes the point, in a Sep 18, 2019 post on Facebook, where she puts pics of two Black men side by side – the Select Fuckboy type on the left, and the Non-Select Guy type on the right – with the caption, “Men I love vs. Men who love me…I can’t catch a damn break”. If one bothers to take the time to peruse her Facebook timeline of posts from that point to the present, we see more evidence of the kinds of guys who turn her crank: Young, muscle bound, “swagged out”, you get the idea.

Black women like Ms. Atara Dallas will never admit that not only have there always been good Black men around, but they’re not interested in them and will choose the very same Select Fuckboys will fuck up their lives time and again. You just cannot make this shit up!

Of course, one has to acknowledge Ms. Dallas’ right to her preferences in Black men; it would be patently un-American to even imply otherwise. But the events of the past two weeks shows us something: that Black women, contrary to the narrative they’ve enjoyed in the Black Vaginavision Media have attempted to convey for more than a generation, know very well that there are plenty of Black men around would treat them well.

They’re just not sexually attracted to them.

Fair enough, I say – sexual attraction does matter, after all. But since that is the case – as Ms. Dallas makes emphatically clear in her now infamous video – we now have other questions that remain.

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One of those questions is how Ms. Dallas’ recent rant jibes with a major event in her life that took place less than two years ago. According to numerous news sources – including the Business Insider Malaysia website – Ms. Dallas was proposed to by former UConn and Norfolk University quarterback, fitness model and reality show host Dennis Brown II and she had accepted. The 32 year old Brown was so enamored with the six years his senior Dallas that he went on bended knee not only with one ring, but six(!) for her to choose from – hence the moniker “the lord of the rings” after the famed series of novels and films of the same name (“A male model proposed to his girlfriend with 6 different rings and let her choose which one she wanted”, Business Insider Malaysia, Dec 3, 2018).

What happened between the fall of 2018 and the spring of 2020 that would go from such a joyous occasion to what can only be rightly described as outright misery in Dallas’ life? For the uninitiated, speculation abounds. But for those in this dojo, the answer is as plain as the nose on one’s face: It was Atara’s own choices.

Both Dallas and Brown have buttoned up their Instagram accounts and the latter has, at present, not come forward with his rendition of events. But from what we do know about the both of them – and the fact that he’s something of a “ladies man” himself – we can infer quite a bit from Dallas’ recent rant. Clearly, she was gunning out of her league – even a seriously dolled up, Dr. Miami-assisted 38 year old “ten” like Dallas wasn’t able to hold on to what many Black women of her ilk would consider a real catch. Second, and again based on her own damning Facebook timeline, she doubles down on the very same choices of Black men who make her life a living hell, by her own admission.

But again, both these facts don’t require Batman or Sherlock Holmes-like detective skills to ferret out. The real action is in the third factor at work here: Why the need to demonize the Black men with “good jobs and little dicks”? Why the need to go in on good brothers who, to let Ms. Dallas tell it, “look like a gorilla”?

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That’s because Black women like Ms. Dallas – and the millions of Black women like her – are loathe to admit that the source of their misery are their mating choices. They like very attractive Black men, who, because they are very attractive, don’t bring much else to the table (other than, presumably, “good dick”) – and this explains how and why Black women like Ms. Dallas tend to whine, bitch and moan about “Black men who are homeless”, former prison inmates and the like. And in the case of Black men like a “DBII” – conspicuously handsome, suave and financially successful, a rare bird indeed – he’s bound to have, as Ms. Dallas herself put it, “50K bitches” in his rotation. But, if Black women like Dallas freely admitted this, admitted their addicktion to Select Fuckboys AND their refusal to change, even in the face of decades(!) worth of repeated failure, they would have no one but themselves to blame.

Black women, like all women, are very sensitive to subtle, even almost imperceptible changes in the social environment. This explains how and why women in general and Black women in particular are so into fads, trends and the like. I will go out on a limb here and suggest that Black women writ large, know that their previously powerful talking points that acted as a convincing cover story as for why they were suffering so badly in the mating market – not enough Black men on their level, not enough eligible or marriageable Black men around, too many Black men in jail and so on – is being seriously challenged. With the rise of social media, the fracturing of the older, legacy media and the democratization of technology, have all conspired against Black women and their advocates. More and more evidence of Black men doing well in financial, educational, career and social terms, makes it harder and harder to make the bromides of the past century stick. Perhaps what is most damning of all to the Black Vaginavision Media argument, is the increasing evidence that plenty of “Non-Select Guys” are doing very well for themselves on the mating market once they leave Black America – which is to say Black women – behind.

My theory is that Black women as a group – remember the nearly 700K views Ms. Dallas’ rant got! – know that the gig is up. And so, they have switched to a new tactic: Blaming the victim. This explains Ms. Dallas’ actions in the video and will become increasingly en vogue among Black women as time wears on. They will blame the Non-Select Guys for why they’re miserable in their quest for the Select Fuckboy Holy Grail, trying to change him from a cad into a dad – a Fool’s Errand if there ever was one. But, because Black women simply cannot admit to themselves that their own choices and the Black men they’re into lay at the heart of their very real pain, strife and misery, they instead will lay the blame for their pathetic existence at the feet of the Black men who have the least to do with it. They will blame them for looking like gorillas; they will blame them for having little dicks; they will blame them for being “arrogant jerks” (though that didn’t stop them from banging one “arrogant jerk” after another – so long as he was a “fine ass nugga” – right?) and so on. In short, Black women like Ms. Dallas, will NEED scapegoats to blame their mating failures on.

Of which, there are many, to let Ms. Dallas herself tell it.

Hence my Burning Question to all Black women like Ms. Dallas and the Select Fuckboys they love so much:

If the Non-Select Guys are by definition, “non-select” and therefore, not being chose by Black women, WHO are causing all the misery in Black women’s love lives, like Ms. Atara Dallas?

Anyone wanna hold their breath waiting for the answer to that question?

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be book author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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