Casual sex. If a man is heterosexual, there are very few things in life that are more important to him than engaging in sexual activities with an attractive, desirable woman on a regular, semi-regular, or at least, occasional basis. If a man is unmarried or is in-between long-term romantic relationships, his number one priority is usually going to center on motivating a woman to engage in one or more episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with him.
As with many things in life, such as losing weight, there are several different methods that men can employ to find themselves in bed naked with a woman who is not their wife, fiancée, or long-term romantic companion. Some methods are far more ethical and honest than others and some methods are significantly less expensive than others.
Being a professional dating coach since 2006, just about all of my male clients are interesting in gaining knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice that relates to hopefully helping them find their future wife, their next long-term girlfriend, or their next casual sex lover.
Many pickup artists (PUAs) encourage various methods of landing a woman in bed, as do professional dating coaches and relationship experts.
The million-dollar question is, “Which method leads to the highest degree of success with the most women?” This is up for debate and opinion. In my best-selling audiobook, Oooooh … Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex, I assert that all methods of getting women in bed basically fall into five general categories: Attraction, Seduction, Manipulation, Negotiation, and Coercion.
In this article, I will examine all five.
Attributes needed: An above-average physique, a reasonably handsome face, a very confident and masculine demeanor and body language (i.e., what many refer to in slang terms as “swag”), great grooming and personal hygiene, and a sense of style and men’s fashion that leads to the man wearing clothing that enhances his sex appeal in the eyes of women
Pros: Many women will know just by looking at this man’s ‘physical presentation’ and sharing his physical presence that they are enthusiastic and receptive to the idea of having sex with this man
Cons: If a man has an unattractive face, a less-than-average physique, poor grooming and/or poor hygiene, has a less-than-average degree of confidence or swag, or does not know anything about clothing style and men’s fashion, he may find this method of finding his next romantic companion or next sex partner very challenging
Commentary: In my books, I place all women into four archetypes: Reciprocators, Rejecters, Wholesome Pretenders & Erotic Hypocrites, and Manipulative Timewasters; When a man is considered by many women to be physically attractive and sexually appealing, this means that this type of man is going to cross paths with many Reciprocator types … and very few Rejecter types or Manipulative Timewaster types. This always bodes well for a man and his love life and sex life.
Attributes needed: Above-average verbal communication skills (or what some would refer to in slang terms as a ‘mouthpiece’), a strong sense of confidence, charisma, and persuasive charm, and a great understanding of women’s sexual psychology and sense of eroticism as well as women’s tendency to be very sexual duplicitous with different types of men.
Pros: The art of seduction, both verbal and non-verbal, can help many men convert a “maybe” response from a woman or an “I am not sure if I want to engage in sex with you” reaction from a woman into an enthusiastic and reciprocal response of, “Yes, I am willing to engage in sex with you” on behalf of the woman
Cons: Many times, a man who is not well versed in the art of seduction can very frequently cross the line from being ‘pleasantly persistent’ and confidently persuasive into becoming overly aggressive and relentlessly annoying with a woman both physically and verbally
Commentary: Of the five methods discussed in this article, this method is the primary basis for my book, Oooooh … Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex.
Seduction is most necessary in situations where a man might be interacting with a woman who is attracted to him to some degree … but … her mind has created at least one seemingly valid reason why she should NOT engage in sex with this man (i.e., a part of the woman’s mind finds the man attractive and sexually appealing, but another part of her mind is feeling very indecisive, resistant or reluctant due to a wide variety of reasons).
Also, there are many women in society who are what I refer to in my books as Wholesome Pretenders & Erotic Hypocrites, which are women who will initially or temporarily attempt to give men the misleading impression that they are more prudish than kinky and that they are only willing to engage in sexual relations with a man within the context of a strictly monogamy-oriented relationship rather than indulge in promiscuous and/or polyamorous sexual behavior.
There are generally two forms of seduction: verbal and non-verbal. An example of verbal seduction would be a man using a smooth, seductive voice filled with erotically explicit ‘dirty talk’ to get a woman aroused and persuade her to engage in sex sooner rather than later. An example of non-verbal seduction would be using passionate tongue-kissing and the gentle caressing of a woman’s body and the sensuous touching of her genital area to persuade her to change her mind from “maybe” or “I am not sure” to “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Attributes needed: A total lack of regret or remorse regarding the idea of blatantly lying to women, misleading women, and toying with women’s emotions
Pros: When a man resorts to dishonesty and emotional manipulation, he can often motivate a woman to engage in sex with him that would have more-than-likely chosen not to engage in sex with him had he been totally upfront and honest about his true sexual desires, interests, and intentions
Cons: Dishonesty and manipulation can leave women feeling ’emotionally damaged,’ angry, bitter, and resentful toward men … and also, whenever a man seeks to mislead and manipulate women, he will generally open himself up to be also be misled and manipulated by women himself
Commentary: There are a number of pickup artists (PUAs), dating coaches, and seduction gurus who openly endorse the idea of lying to women, misleading women, and manipulating women’s emotions as a means of getting women into bed with them. Personally, I do not endorse or condone this method. Among many other reasons, I believe using dishonesty and manipulation with women is highly unethical. I believe that if a man aspires to be a prolific womanizer, he should develop the courage (balls) and conviction (backbone) to be an honest and ethical womanizer.
The second primary reason why I advise against dishonesty and manipulation is because it opens men up to be misled and manipulated by women. Most of men’s manipulative tactics only work on women who are very naïve and extremely inexperienced with men. When a man crosses paths with a woman who is a savvy and seasoned manipulator herself (what I refer to in my books as a Manipulative Timewaster), this woman will be able to quickly identify his attempts to lie to her, mislead her, and manipulate her, and she will use his tactics to her self-serving advantage. This fact is what motivated me to publish my book, The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly.
Generally speaking, women are much better master manipulators than men are as a group. Much better. I discuss this in Chapter Two of my book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking. Why? Because women know that the vast majority of men only really want one thing from them, and that is at least one chance to slide their hard cocks into their tight, wet pussy. On the other hand, women know how to mislead and manipulate men for a wider variety of objectives, such as employment offers, financial favors, non-financial favors, platonic friendship, and emotional empathy among other self-serving objectives.
NEGOTIATION (or TRANSACTIONAL SEX)
Attributes needed: A lot of money and a man’s willingness to be financially generous with women
Pros: Offering women money directly (what is known as “tricking”) or indirectly (what is known as “wining & dining”) in exchange for their sexual companionship is a time efficient way to get women in bed, especially when a man is traveling out-of-town or traveling out of the country (particularly if he wants to engage in sexual activities with a woman who does not speak or understand American English)
Cons: While wining & dining is legal everywhere, trickin’ is actually illegal in most cities and countries around the world; For example, if a man solicits a woman for sex who might be an undercover police detective, he could end up in jail and/or having to pay a hefty fine, and he could also experience some embarrassing and shameful public publicity in his local newspaper.
Commentary: The best example of trickin’ would be a man offering a street prostitute, a professional Call Girl, or an upscale Erotic Escort cash money directly in exchange for her sexual companionship. The best example of wining & dining (or some refer to this as being a woman’s “sponsor”) would be a man who is involved in a Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby arrangement with a woman. When a man is a woman’s Sugar Daddy or Sponsor, he does not give the woman any cash directly, but instead, the Sugar Daddy or Sponsor offers to pay for a high percentage of a woman’s living expenses, meals, social activities, and material possessions in exchange for her regular, semi-regular, or occasional sexual companionship.
I have engaged in many spirited debates with men who endorse and condone the idea of trickin’ with women and/or wining & dining women. Personally, I do not enthusiastically endorse trickin’ except for if a man frequently travels (especially international travel where a man might find himself interacting with several women who do not speak the same language as he does).
Another reason why I am against both trickin’ and wining & dining is because it usually involves engaging in sexual activities with a woman who only has a less-than-average degree of attraction toward the man (because if a woman was genuinely attracted to a man sexually, she would not require financial compensation or materialistic gifts in exchange for her sexual companionship).
Trickin’ is legally risky, and wining & dining is financially risky for some men, but if you are a man who has the financial means and you are willing to take those risks … good luck and more power to you.
Attributes needed: A complete sense of amorality (or immorality), and no regard for a woman’s sexual consent, agreement, or cooperation
Pros: None really, unless you are a man who considers engaging in sex with a woman who literally has no interest in having sex with you as some sort of “benefit”
Cons: You will risk being convicted of a felony crime, a misdemeanor crime, or at bare minimum, once your actions are publicized, everyone will know that you are a sexual creep and borderline date-rapist
Commentary: When I was in college, many men would get women sloppy drunk and then take advantage of them. Nate Parker, an up-and-coming actor and filmmaker, saw his reputation tarnished when it came out that he and a friend of his did this very thing with a woman while in college. Of the five methods of attempting to get a woman to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with a man, coercion is hands down the worst. Any form of coercion is despicable, detestable, disreputable and reprehensible. There is simply no valid justification for such behavior.
Some men do more than just get women inebriated or secretly put ‘date-rape drugs’ (such as liquid ecstasy or Rohypnol) in women’s food or drinks. Many men will just blatantly sexually assault women (grope women’s bodies without their consent or date-rape or rape them), kidnap them, and even knock them unconscious in an attempt to engage in sexual activities with them. Such behavior is absolutely deplorable and should never be entertained by any man who is sane and wants to avoid legal trouble and maintain his reputation as an upstanding citizen.
Of the five methods, most men should only concentrate on and emphasis attraction and/or seduction. Again, if a man frequently travels (especially outside of his native country), I would even give him a pass to engage in occasional or semi-regular transactional sex (i.e., trickin’ or wining & dining). I frown heavily on employing manipulation tactics and coercion activities with women. I believe the latter two directly leads to a high degree of animosity and flat-out hatred between the genders, and does nothing to genuinely improve the love lives and sex lives of those involved.
Quick clarification: There are a lot of pickup artist (PUA) types and even some professional dating coaches that will mislead their male clients into believing that manipulation is virtually synonymous with the idea of seduction. THIS IS NOT TRUE.
Using a restaurant analogy, seduction would be representative of a waiter or waitress persuading a customer to purchase a piece of cake, a slice of pie, or some other tasty dessert … even though the customer initially made it known that he or she is on a low-carb diet and is attempting to limit their intake of sugar and (white) flour.
On the other hand, manipulation would be representative of a waiter or waitress serving a customer a salad that has very small chunks of meat in it without informing the customer, even though the customer had initially informed that waiter or waitress of the fact that he or she is a raw vegan and strict vegetarian, and has no desire to consume any appetizer or entrée items that have animal products included.
Seduction = persuading a woman to engage in sexual activities with you, despite the fact that the woman involved initially expressed some degree of indecisiveness, resistance, or reluctance toward the idea of engaging in sexual relations with you (for example, persuading a woman to engage in short-term non-monogamous sex with you after the woman initially stated that she would only engage in sexual activities with a man within the context of a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous relationship)
Manipulation = when you blatantly lie to a woman and mislead a woman into believing that you have the exact same romantic desires, interests, and intentions that she does, even though deep-down you know that your true desires, interests and intentions are far different than hers (for example, misleading a woman into believing that you have a strong interest in entering into a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous sexual relationship with her … when in reality, you know ahead of time that your primary interest is only to engage in a few episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with her)
The commonality between the two is that both methods usually require above-average verbal communication skills and some degree of charm and charisma, but dishonesty & manipulation is far more unethical and emotionally damaging to a woman’s psyche and self-esteem.
Attraction and seduction rarely if ever leads to a woman feeling angry, bitter, or resentful toward a man after sex has taken place.
Conversely, manipulation and coercion always leave women feeling regretful, bitter, resentful, and taken advantage of.
Keep this in mind fellas.
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE