Most men and women would assume that since I am a professional Dating Coach, that I would probably regularly encourage my male clients to exhibit flirtatious behavior with women.
Many would be surprised to find out that I rarely if ever do.
I firmly believe that flirting is unproductive. Even more so, the concept of ‘innocent flirting’ is an absolute waste of time. In the case of Morgan Freeman, his brand of ‘innocent flirting’ has caused his reputation to be compromised, and his name to be mentioned with the likes of Louis C.K., Charlie Rose, Tavis Smiley, Kevin Spacey, and Harvey Weinstein.
WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT MEAN TO ‘FLIRT’ WITH A WOMAN?
Most dictionaries generally define flirting as being representative of when a man or woman expresses an attraction to someone in a lighthearted or playful manner. “Innocent flirting” is when a man or woman flirts with a member of the opposite sex, but they have no serious or sincere intentions of connecting with that person romantically or for casual sex.
Many women will flirt with a man when they want to motivate that man to shower them with flattering attention designed to offer a boost to their own ego and self-esteem, or when they want to motivate men to perform financial or non-financial favors for themselves.
Many men will flirt with women when they do not possess the confidence or courage to straightforwardly let a woman know of their interest in dating them or their interest in engaging in a few episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with them. Sometimes, men will also ‘innocently flirt’ with women who they are not at all attracted to in order make those women feel more comfortable in their presence (to this point, even Freeman has expressed that much of his ‘innocent flirting’ was intended to make women who might have felt ‘intimidated’ by his presence feel more comfortable conversing with him before or during an interview).
IF YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO A WOMAN, LET HER KNOW THAT STRAIGHTFORWARDLY
If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that you should never “hide behind compliments” when you are in the company of a woman who you find physically attractive and sexually appealing. The best thing to do is let that woman know … in a confident, upfront, and straightforwardly honest manner … that you have an interest in sharing her company at some point in the near future. Either for the sake of long-term romance, or for the sake of engaging in one or more episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex. I refer to this type of forthright verbal communication style as The Mode One Approach.
You never want to be vague and ambiguous when it comes to expressing an attraction to a woman. This will generally backfire in the long-run. It is my firm belief that men should always make it crystal clear to a woman that they have a definite interest in sharing that woman’s company for reasons other than a flattering, friendly, and entertaining conversation and/or to develop a long-term purely platonic friendship.
STRAIGHTFORWARD VERBAL COMMUNICATION PREVENTS “PHONY” or MISLEADING REACTIONS FROM WOMEN
If there is one thing that every man should learn from many of these #MeToo Movement incidents involving male celebrities, it is that women do not always share their discomfort with a man’s sexually provocative behavior at the time it is happening. Many women will offer a ‘nervous giggle’ at the time, only to later express that a man’s “raunchy flirting” left them feeling very uncomfortable and even offended and violated.
This is why I do not believe in the idea of offering women room for “plausible deniability.” As a man, you need to force a woman into a position of full reciprocation or complete rejection. Do not allow women to be vague and ambiguous with you in terms of expressing an interest in you, or a lack of interest in sharing your company.
I have yet to hear about a #MeToo Movement related incident where a male celebrity simply invited a woman to share his company in a sexually intimate manner (either for long-term sex, short-term sex, monogamous sex, or non-monogamous sex), and the woman rejected him, and then later on accused him of sexual harassment and/or sexual misconduct (if I am wrong on this, please correct me with details and relevant links in the comments section below).
Remember: True sexual ‘harassment’ is representative of a situation where a woman has expressed a lack of interest in sharing your company in a romantic or strictly sexual manner at least once … but despite her rejecting you, you continue to make sexual advances toward her anyway in an annoyingly persistent manner.
BEATING-AROUND-THE-BUSH CAN COST YOU IN TERMS OF VALUABLE TIME and MONEY
Experience has proven to me that being overly cautious with women and being guilty of ‘beating-around-the-bush’ with women regarding your true desires, interests, and intentions is a waste of time and money in the long-run. Read my article on Manipulative Timewasters. Women of this nature love men who are afraid to straightforwardly communicate their romantic or strictly sexual desires, interests, and intentions. They want to engage in ‘manipulative head games’ with men and exploit them for their non-sexual time, attention, and companionship as well as exploit them for their financial resources and material possessions.
Don’t be THAT guy. Be the guy who does not mince words. Be Mode One with women.
Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and will be a featured speaker again this year in October in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE