Few years ago in Nigeria, I met a friend who was then writing for a certain blog owned by a self-professed feminist. The feminist and I were still friends until our relationship lost its hinges. She was one of the people whose opinions were far superior because she said so. It was over her dead body that anyone disagreed with her ignorance, especially a man. When she aired an opinion, it meant she was right and nothing more mattered except the ideas in her head. If you respectfully shared a contrary view and gave your reasons, either her minions would come tucking at you in the name of cursing you out or she would spin words to satisfy her ignorance and have it retweeted and worshipped. And hailed.
After enduring her craze for a while, I felt she was insignificant to mainstream discussions on gender balance since she was guilty of all she was warring against. She treated the women who erred against her same way the men she accused treated the women. My other friend who wrote for her once told me that she was offered the writing job primarily because she was a woman, that if I had gone for the job, despite our closeness and capabilities, I would not have gotten it. And though I already knew that such existed in the space called Nigeria, my anger was for the men who were not doing enough to empower their fellow men.
The world cannot be one sided. It shouldn’t. It would breed imbalance and sometimes extremity. Diversity is fun. This is while I appreciate fair debate for gender balance but you cannot have women organizations who are giving scholarship and work opportunities to women from around the world and the men who have the money cannot empower men to go on research and also head organizations. There should be male conferences where men discuss abuses as a result of violent wives and unfair society. The notion of gender equality might have started on a great footing but it has been abused into a one sided match, so much that it is a gender war and the enemy is the man – all men, according to the hurt woman.
In today’s world, everything is done to bring the man to his knees. If Usher Raymond had a girl over and slept with her, and she caught some diseases, she sues him. But if an Usher sues her then he isn’t humane. He is a hater. If a man shared a leaked photo of some female celebrity, he is accused of hate and masculinity. But a Justin Bieber’s nudes can go online and credit is given to hackers not his ex who had access to such images. If a man shared a photo of his favorite woman in a bikini wear, he is a pervert. When a woman shares images of an oiled body man, she is adventurous and deserves to be hailed and carried over the shoulder. To have a balanced system, of equal opportunities, why don’t the women also empower the men, since we do live on earth, a place where men and women exist? Why can’t they empower the boys too so they can grow up on an equal playfield if the idea is to have a fair earth?
I admire the fights of some women groups, the struggle for suffrage, for equal opportunities at work places, politics, for rights to drive and to become humans too. It is fair. I admire it but when the men are seen as the threat and the group to be mimed and taken advantage of, then it is very wrong from my perspective. If a woman cries of rape, the man is seen not as an alleged rapist but an actual rapist even without trial. Let us have the men folk come together and send young underprivileged boys to school, to get skills and make the society a better one for all humans. It should not be a one-way street. What the women accused the men of doing over the years is what is practiced today.
More men need to contribute funds and set up response unit for abused boys too. Many boys are being abused and they are ashamed to speak out for fear of being laughed at. Men should be trained to believe that they are complete without necessarily a wife. A woman doesn’t make them whole. To be whole is to find peace in what you do and service to humanity.