When I was growing up we didn’t have books, videos, and websites teaching a man how to get a woman. There were no seduction gurus or dating coaches charging large fees or filling out hotel ballrooms. Even the pimps back in the day were low-key. They didn’t walk around giving random men that, “Izm.” Despite lacking the resources we have today Black men were still able to be initiated into that thing of ours called game. So how did this happen?
Back in the day a Black man would learn the game from his father, his uncles, cousins, and older brothers. If for whatever reason male relatives were lacking, older men or teenagers in the neighborhood would tell a young brotha how to get sex. Back in the day in many neighborhoods Black men who were good with women would make sure the less fortunate brothas would have a chance with women. Some would even send a receptive girl to have sex with the brotha. That doesn’t seem to be the case these days.
One thing I’m seeing on social media and sometimes in the real world is a “cold war” between two groups of brothas. In popular culture they are known as Alpha and Beta males. I prefer to use the terms “select” and “non-select.” On one hand I see situations where the select men are putting down the non-select brothas calling them lame or corny. The street cats may use the term “gump.” Not to be outdone the non-select brothas will call the select brothas, “thugs” or other things to suggest that the select brothas are not that bright. In the middle of all this are Black women who are laughing their asses off. There are a couple of reasons why this sad state of affairs came about.
One reason is the migration of Black families to the suburbs. Young Black men instead of growing up in the hood where learning how to deal with people was a prerequisite for survival were now living in a neighborhood where the most drama was someone letting their grass grow an extra two inches. This thing of ours called game was more than about getting women. It was about navigating life. Many brothas growing up in the suburbs or otherwise safe neighborhoods seldom develop the ability to learn how to pay attention to small things which is key in dealing with women. They also rarely develop that hard edge that will get a Black woman’s panties wet. That’s just one dynamic.
Many Black families didn’t make it out of the hood. The many that stayed tended to be female headed families. Many Black boys didn’t have the steady presence of a Black man to really break down the game to them. Even when these boys had active fathers many single mothers would do what they could to undermine the influence of the father. A reality is that a single mother who has primary custody of a young boy will have more influence over him than his father. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
As a result of these primary dynamics and some secondary issues many Black boys grow into manhood without any working knowledge of this thing of ours called game. Now contrast this with some other Black boys.
The reality is that some young brothas in the hood and even in suburbia will learn game. Usually they either have male relatives who schooled them or they were in a social circle where they had men who would teach them. These boys would grow into select men.
We need to have what we had back in the day. Instead of select and non-select men going at each other both sides need to work together. The select men need to stop looking down on the non-select brothas. It doesn’t serve any purpose. It’s not like the non-select men pose any real threat to them. The select men are still going to get their share of attractive women. At the same time the non-select men need to stop trying to put the select men down. It doesn’t work. Especially in the eyes of women. The women are going to choose who they want anyway. The non-select need to try to learn from the select. Indeed many select men are willing to teach.
Brothas need to get over this petty shit and come together so everybody can prosper.