Black Women Create the Men They Complain About

Black women have been complaining the quality of Black men for at least the last forty years.  Maybe longer but I wasn’t paying attention when I was a pre-teen.   Black women have called Black men every name in the book, even going on national media to air their grievances.   What’s not talked about is how these men got that way.   Well I take that back.   The sorry state of Black men is always put at the feet of other Black men.   There is some truth there but in a community where there is an epidemic of single mothers the blame has to spread to both sides.  Indeed with the state of the community I would say women play a more significant part in why things are jacked up.  The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.   Black women are raising the very men they come to dislike.

There was an old saying back in the day.  It was said Black women, “raised their daughters and loved their sons.”    Essentially single Black women would “raise” their daughters to be independent, to get educated, to get a good career, etc.   Little boys in the same household are generally coddled.   Mothers cater more to their sons.  Many mothers will dress their sons to look cute.   I’ll get back to that point in a second.   They’ll let their sons get away with not doing well in school.   They’ll cater to their sons to point where the boys will never grow into independent thinking men who are able to make a mark in the world.   These men usually evolve into men who end up being taken care of by women.   Some of these men end up being gigolos or exotic dancers who make money catering to women.   The problem with these men is that when a woman needs them to be a man these men are not able to step up.

I want to address that cute thing.  Back in the day when I used to hang out in more rough neighborhoods I would see young women with their young baby boys in tow.   It struck me how often these little boys would look like little girls.   Their hair would be braided and I’ve seen toddler boys with earrings in both ears.   The kids would also be dressed fly in name brand clothing.   Of course the young women would be fawning over them.   Every time I saw this I would think, “There goes a future Mr. Goodbar.”   The lesson that little boy would learn is that as long he looks cute to a woman they would cater to his needs.   This is where it becomes a problem for women.

The little boy grows up into a man who looks fly and who knows how to get women to take care of him.   His teacher was his mother.   In any relationship there comes a time when a man has to step up and be a man.   This male, we really can’t call him a man, doesn’t know what to do.   He doesn’t have the training.  While the mother was raising her daughter to be strong and independent, she raised her son to be cute and dependent.   The women who get involved with those males end up hating the male for the very thing that attracted them to in the first place.   Of course the father’s get blamed but in most cases the father was the same type of man who was never raised to be man himself.   It becomes a vicious cycle.

Black women are fond of saying, “Your momma Black” to Black men.  Usually in cases where a Black man criticizes Black women or when a brotha is dating Becky.   Well Black women need to realize that the same men they complain about being playas, womanizers, and thugs, had Black mommas too.   Black single mothers who in many cases prevented the fathers from actively raising the sons.   If a woman wants to know why a particular Black male is trifling look no further than his mother.


Facebook Comments

  • Will-I-Am

    Man this article is deep. I’m in my late 20s and it’s crazy how history has repeated itself throughout time yet many people in our community don’t want to speak on this issue.

    • Chapo

      You really think this shit is deep?

  • Willa Gilkey

    Thank you for adding the missing parts of that narrative. It was a coldly calculated plan that brought us to this point.

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  • Away to keep the division Going

    So can we do a article on why Blam Men fathers are not raising there sons. Since we Black woman is the problem. WOW

  • Belladonna

    No that’s called codependent thinking
    They’re constantly trying to push that off on Black women
    No one makes anyone do anything

  • H

    Article is pure bs. Men need to take accountability for their own actions and stop blaming society and their childhood.

  • Gregory Crane

    I think that this is a misguided article that demeans and stereotypes black people. There are tons of logical fallacies hidden throughout. I don’t think you’re racist or ill-intentioned but I think that your intent of holding up the mirror to black men and women sounds more like the racist rantings of Pro- Trump voters.

  • Me🌸💙💕

    I understand all that you are saying however the problem is not black women failing their sons.The problem is the black family is nonexistent.The truth of the matter is a women can’t raise man it takes a father to raise a man. Until the importance of a strong black family dynamic is instilled in our reality we will always have this problem #menneedtostickaroundafterthenut

  • Sandra Johnson

    I agree with this article because I saw this pattern of upbringing several years ago until now with the boys being coddled.I chose to do the opposite and groom to grow up to be an responsible, respectful, have morals, values, treat people the way you want to be, go to school and get an education, work for what you want and not depend on others for what you want and need, buy and use your own protection with your girl regardless what she says, etc etc. These teachings should be for male and females. Why handicap your boys to the point that they end up not knowing how to properly live a productive life. Their is nothing wrong with teaching them how to cook and clean their apartment or do their share if they are living with someone else. I did this for my son so he could grow up to be self sufficient, if he didn’t I know that I tried, and all with the help of my husband. He still got called a mama’s boy a couple of times, I don’t know why because I did not spoil him or baby him. Maybe because he is an only child.

  • Pristine

    Its sad he still is looking futher then his self. People choose what they have

  • TXambition

    Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Single parents that love and provide for their children coddle them and hinder their independence. But tough love makes them cold hearted individuals that struggle with interpersonal relationships. Often times these troubled offspring have outside forces other than the care from one parent that shapes them into the mess that they become. Environment, income, socialization, family, genetics, etc. all play large roles child development so I think it’s a bit dangerous to generalize single parenthood with such anecdotal evidence. I watched a John Hopkins panel discussion on the impact of absentee and incarcerated parents on children pointed to institutional racism as the source off all these woes and not single mothers/fathers left to raise children.

    This article to me simplifies a difficult problem present in all communities and points the finger back at the group they claim did the same.

  • Garrett T Jefferson

    Sons inherit their mother’s mentality but inherit their father’s hearts. Daughters inherit their fathers mentality but inherit their mother’s heart.

  • Tabs

    I was two second from answering, then I saw the previous and next articles. I’ll sit small, because clearly the point was just to be controversial and maybe even a bit asinine.

    Nope. I won’t let it go. So what you’re saying is that men a greater role in raising their sons? Okay. Thought so. Carry on.

  • Jamaka Young

    So…Where was the father in the household where this “dependant” black male was raised? 🤔🤔

  • Ms Dexon

    No Willie Lynch created them. Black women played their role as he designed it. Do your research.

  • Larry Francois

    Very good article, I find it somewhat accurate accurate. Mostly guys you describe are from single mothers. Since there are a lot of single mothers, this is the end result.

  • Kendrick Williams Dread

    The sad thing is that many of these women when they do get a good man after years of putting up with the lazy ones. Will look for this one to be perfect and keep records of every mistake that he makes. Black men are getting tired of being put down and ridiculed because a previous playa hurt the woman’s feelings. Why are brothers dating Becky? Because Shantay can’t get over the pookies and Ray Rays from her past. You were on point with your article.

  • Tina Jones

    I been saying this for years sad but true.

  • Courtney

    This is bullshit!!! Smh another article bashing black women I can’t!

  • This article is a riot. There was an incredible opportunity here to push the conversation forward by shedding light on another aspect of this issue. Instead of discussing the tendency of some black mothers to coddle their boys as a contributing factor in the collective failings of black men, you make the argument that “women play a more significant part in why things are jacked up.” Women CANNOT and WILL NOT bear the responsibility for what you have described as “the sorry state of black men.” It’s an unfair and gross oversimplification of the issue. There are many, many factors that contribute to our status and condition as black men that derive from both in and outside of our community. I have seen the situations described in the article, and I recognize that black women certainly play a role. But SO DO THE REST OF US. You have reduced what could have been poignant and enlighting perspective to an episode of “the blame game.” Black men (or rather black males who have reached the age of adulthood) MUST take ownership of their choices. The factors that contribute to our oppression, failures, and enslavement are systemic, complex, and multifaceted. Your commentary is imprudent, uninformed and downright offensive.

  • Maryah PULLUM

    But what about the system that has kept many of black and minority men locked away in cages for selling drugs (that they bring to the communities) just to feed they family because they cant get a job here in AMerikkka!
    What about the fathers who cant raise there family because the system is stripping away rights form people and holing them in jails until trial while revoking bail for non-violent offenses that account for 5-10 years in federal prisons alll for a profit….

  • radmila

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

  • Mimi

    I am not and refused to be a single mother. My philosophy…If he doesn’t love, respect and take care of you…he will not love, resp6and take care of your children. I am sick of excuses….on both sides. Boys and girls NEED their fathers. Women…keep your goodies protected til the man finds himself then you. Men….real stand up men…are intentional in their love, respect, and care of their women and children…. NO EXCUSES! GET BUSY BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF!

  • Nonya

    I am a single mom and I have 2 sons and I find this article disrespectful to all single black mothers. You lumped us all into one category unfairly. I personally think my young men are great, respectful, and determined. Don’t generalize us you give people the wrong idea about single black mother’s.

  • Nyeusi

    Good piece!!!

  • Gail Waldrop

    I grew up with 3 sisters and 2 brothers! Up until both my brothers’ deaths in their 50’s, my mother and my grandmother coddled the boys! They were good responsible men, but it was very confusing to us girls! May they RIP!

  • Carmenunkrep Trust

    Its not bla women fault they are just following the spirits of their ancestors who watched white men kill or sell their sons before their eyes. Just the slightest sign if independence from a young black boy was the considered the start a rebellion so it was taken care of immediately. Black women held their sons close and taught them to be more vulnerable to be considered a less threat which gave them a greater chance of survival

  • Agent3

    Thanks for what you wrote here.
    I was first acquainted with this while doing a stint in County on a drug charge. It was the 70’s and the therapist I was working with would RANT over MOTHERS!!! The prison was 80% white and she was talking about the same thing.
    Mothers over protecting, no fathers, etc.
    40 years later I realized what she was talking about. It isn’t an exclusively BLACK thing though; blacks just do the clothes and hair things differently, as far as I can tell.
    This is the first thing you wrote that I read. I will try to read more of what you have, and hopefully will, write in the future.

    Andrew Gentsch

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