Can You Identify The Simp?



7:00 am – Alarm goes off

7:01 am – Kevin checks his phone to see if Michelle texted him…she didn’t

7:01 am – He sends her his customary “good morning text”

Kevin: Good morning sexy! I hope you have a great day today! 🙂

7:02 am – He stares at his phone and waits for her response…it doesn’t come

7:04 am – He takes his morning piss…with his phone in his hand

7:05 am – Kevin puts his phone on the sink and turns up the volume

7:06 am – He gets in the shower

7:09 am – Lathered in soap, he reaches for his phone to see if Michelle responded to his text…she didn’t

7:11 am – Still in the shower, Kevin checks his phone again…nothing

7:17 am – Kevin gets out of the shower and checks his phone and Michelle still hasn’t responded

7:32 am – Kevin gets dressed and heads to work

7:42 am – He stops at McDonalds for his daily sausage egg and cheese biscuit, large coke, and apple pie breakfast

7:52 am – Kevin swings by a convenience store close to work to grab an energy drink and a snickers bar for a snack later on

7:59 am – He sits down at his desk when his phone buzzes…it’s Michelle!

Michelle: Hey


4:30 am – Alarm goes off

4:32 am – Takes his morning piss

4:37 am – Packs his gym bag and throws on some sweats and a t-shirt

4:44 am – Drinks a small cup of black coffee and a bottle of water

4:46 am – Grabs his keys and his gym bag and leaves

4:47 am – Dante realizes he forgot his phone so he goes back in to get it

4:55 am – Arrives at the gym

7:04 am – Finishes his workout and heads home

7:14 am – Arrives at home and drinks a protein shake

7:23 am – Takes a shower

7:32 am – Makes scrambled eggs, sausage, and whole wheat toast for breakfast and packs a steak salad for lunch

7:45 am – Leaves for work

7:55 am – Dante sits down at his desk and checks his phone

4:45 am – James: Yo I’m leaving now. And bring extra chalk. I ran out yesterday.

6:14 am – Katrina: Morning baby boy. How did you sleep last night?

6:37 am – Michelle: Hey you I had fun last night 😉 I’m free after I get off if you wanna go for round 2! XOXO

7:32 am – Jasmine: WTF happened to you last night? I waited all night. Did you fall asleep?


8:00 am – He sends Michelle a text

Kevin: How’s your day so far? Mine’s been business as usual. I binge watched Game Of Thrones and ate like a whole pizza last night lol What’d you do last night?

8:01 am – He waits for her response…nothing

8:02 am – Kevin puts his phone on his desk and props it up so he can see the screen and gets to work

10:30 am – His phone buzzes

Michelle: Pretty good so far. Went to bed early last night.

Kevin: Ahhh I see! I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you. Getting that beauty sleep eh? 🙂

Waits for a response…doesn’t get one so he texts again:

Kevin: What are you up to tonight? I was thinking we could go grab a bite to eat if you’re not busy.

Michelle: Oh that sounds good! I’ll have to let you know though. I might have to work late tonight.

Kevin: Let’s hope not! Keep me posted 🙂


7:56 am – Shoots a text to James:

Dante: Don’t feel bad about not locking out at 450 man. It took me a while to get there.

7:57 am – He puts away his phone and gets to work


12:01 pm – He eats lunch at Burger King where he flirts with Danielle, a fat cashier with 3 kids and 2 baby daddies, on a daily basis

1:00 pm – He checks his phone…nothing

1:45 pm – He checks his phone…nothing

2:24 pm – He checks his phone…nothing

3:07 pm – His phone buzzes…it’s his mother asking him if he’s coming over for dinner on Sunday and why he hasn’t settled down with a “nice girl” yet.

5:00 pm – Kevin leaves work with his eyes glued to his phone all the way home.


12:00 pm – He eats his steak salad and drinks a bottle of water for lunch

12:15 pm – Dante pulls out his tablet and researches ways to increase one’s max dead lift to help out his buddy James

12:20 pm – He pulls out his phone and shoots James a few links he found

12:23 pm – James: Thanks brotha! I think I’ll try the sumo style. A wider stance might put me over the top. Btw me and Dave are meeting up at the garage around 5 to put the engine block in the Charger tonight. You in?

Dante: I’m in. I just bought a new socket set so I’ll bring those.

James: See you there.

12:27 pm – He responds to his harem

12:27 pm – Response to Katrina: Slept good. I’m coming over later on. Not sure what time.

12:28 pm – Response to Michelle: We’ll see. I’m working on restoring a classic hot rod with my buddies after work. I’ll let you know.

12:29 pm – Response to Jasmine: Got hung up on a project. Let’s meet up tomorrow.

12:30 pm – He puts his phone away and gets back to work

4:30 pm – Dante leaves work

4:38 pm – He stops by his place to change and grab his socket set

4:48 pm – He leaves for the garage to meet up with James and Dave


5:34 pm – He sends a text to Michelle:

Kevin: Hey you still at work?

6:14 pm – Michelle responds:

Michelle: Yeah but they might let us leave soon if you’re still up to get something to eat

Kevin: Definitely! I’ll call ahead and make a reservation 🙂

Michelle: K


7:48 pm – After finishing up with the Charger, he checks his phone:

12:28 pm – Katrina: Okay no problem. I’ll be ready. Just send me a text when you’re on your way 😉

12:29 pm – Michelle: Cool! That sounds like fun! I get off early today and I’m not doing anything after so if you have time I’d love to see you 😉

12:30pm – Jasmine: Fine lol you know I can’t stay mad at you 🙂 What time tomorrow?

6:09 pm – Katrina: Hey you still coming over? I’m making tacos if you’re hungry I’ll save you some!

6:34 pm – Michelle: I’m home and waiting for you 😉

7:50 pm – He responds:

Response to Katrina: On my way. I’m gonna shower at your place.

Response to Michelle: Got plans tonight. We’ll hang out another time.

Response to Jasmine: I’ll let you know.

7:51 pm – Katrina: Okay baby! I’ll make sure you have a clean towel. See you soon! 😀

7:52 pm – Michelle: 🙁 That sux. How bout tomorrow? I miss you.

7:53 pm – Jasmine: K 🙂

8:20 – Dante gets to Katrina’s place, fucks her, takes a shower, eats a few tacos, then fucks her again

9:40 – He heads home

10:00 – He goes to bed


7:53 pm – His phone buzzes

Michelle: Hey I’m ready to go! Can you come get me?

Kevin: I’m on my way!

Michelle: Awesome! Btw I’m broke as a joke. I hope that’s okay 🙁

Kevin: C’mon baby girl you know you don’t pay when you’re with me Leave your wallet at home. All I need is you sexy 🙂

Michelle: OMG you’re the best! See you soon!

9:48 pm – Kevin pays the $78 bill and drops Michelle off at home

10:17 pm – Kevin gets home and sends Michelle a text

Kevin: I had a great time tonight! Thank you for another wonderful evening!

Take Away

In case you haven’t noticed, Kevin’s the simp and Dante clearly is not. The many differences between these two are the reason for their success and failure with women:

#1: Kevin wakes up an hour before work, Dante gets up at the crack of dawn to work out. Kevin has a “dad bod”, Dante has the body of a Greek God.

#2: Dante eats better than Kevin. Kevin at at 2 fast food joints for breakfast and lunch while Dante made both meals at home which are better for him.

#3: Dante doesn’t respond to his 3 women immediately. He has better shit to do than to pander to females so he responds when it’s convenient for him and he is rewarded with immediate responses. Kevin does the opposite with Michelle and is punished with her indifference and lack of respect for his time.

#4: Dante is fucking 3 women giving him the abundance mentality. He knows that if one acts up or gets outta pocket, he’s got 2 other girls to fall back on and because of this he doesn’t come off as needy or supplicating which are very attractive to Katrina, Michelle and Jasmine. Kevin has oneitis for Michelle and it shows…and isn’t attractive at all to Michelle (and wouldn’t be to any other women out there).

#5: Dante has other shit going on in his life. He lifts weights and works, works on classic cars, and spends time with like minded men. Pussy isn’t his priority and it shows when dealing with his women. Women respect men who don’t put them on a pedestal and occupy themselves with other things. Kevin has nothing going on (except weekend dinners at his mother’s place). All he thinks about all day is Michelle and his actions reflect his simphood.

#6: Kevin spends nearly $80 on a woman who only agreed to accompany him when the guy she really wanted to be with blew her off. He didn’t get any pussy and then thanked her for her company. Michelle is turned off by this behavior because she knows she didn’t do anything but show up and eat and didn’t have to put out. Dante got laid, got fed, and didn’t spend a dime.

So who are you gonna be when dealing with women? Kevin or Dante?

Want more Donovan Sharpe? Visit his website and checkout his podcast The Sharpe Reality on YouTubeSoundcloud, or iTunes.


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About Donovan Sharpe 65 Articles
Donovan is a sexist son of a bitch who objectifies women by keeping them on their toes, their backs, and their knees where they belong. Check out his weekly podcast every Tuesday at The Sharpe Reality. Follow him on Twitter & Facebook.