When you have a seat in one of your favorite restaurants, do you ever take a few seconds to contemplate whether you should express your desires, interests, and intentions to the waiter or waitress as it relates to ordering food in a direct or indirect manner?
When you pay for automobile fuel at your local gasoline station, do you hesitate for a few seconds and think to yourself, “Should I ask this cashier directly for gas? Or should I first engage him or her in ten-to-fifteen minutes of entertaining ‘small talk’ prior to letting him or her now how much automotive gasoline I want to purchase?”
I believe the next time you are in the market for a new house, and the person selling a house that you are potentially interested in purchasing invites you to examine each room of their house, that you should take the tour of the house first … and then verbally communicate to the host that you are there for the primary purpose of examining the house for possible purchase.
For most human beings, and particularly the vast majority of men, we verbally communicate our desires, interests, and intentions to others in a fairly forthright and straight-to-the-point manner without even thinking twice about it.
“Waiter … I would like to order [insert the appetizer, entrée, and desert you are most interested in ordering on the restaurant’s menu here].”
“How are you doing today … (quick pause) … yes, I would like twenty-nine dollars on gas pump number four. Thank you.”
“My name is [insert your first name here], and I am here to take a tour of your house to decide if I want my realtor to offer you a mutually agreed upon purchase price.”
The list goes on.
DIRECT VERBAL COMMUNICATION vs. INDIRECT VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Now, let me bring this discussion to the arena of today’s dating rituals between single men and women.
Why do so many men feel compelled to engage in lengthy episodes of trivial (but usually flattering and entertaining) ‘small talk’ and ‘fluff talk’ with women of interest prior to letting those women know why they really initiated a conversation with them and why they really want to share their company in the near and/or distant future?
Assuming you are a single heterosexual male reading this article right now, think about the last time that you engaged in a minimum of twenty-minutes of flattering and entertaining ‘chit chat’ with a woman you were interested in sharing her company in some sort of romantic and/or sexual manner. Why did you fail to let this woman know of your desires, interests, and intentions right off the bat?
In the world of the attraction & seduction industry (which I am a part of, which is also associated with the ‘pickup artist community’ or simply referred to as ‘the seduction community’), there are basically two schools of thought and advice regarding to how a man should let a woman know of his romantic and/or sexual desires and interests:
DIRECT verbal communication advice
INDIRECT verbal communication advice
An example of being DIRECT with a woman of interest would be if you approached a woman, introduced yourself, maybe ask her a quick question or two, or offer a quick comment and/or compliment, and then proceed to verbally communicate to that woman exactly why you approached her and your primary reason for choosing to converse with her. You do not waste much time with ‘small talk’ prior to letting this woman know why you want to share her company at that moment as well as in the near or distant future.
An example of employing a more INDIRECT approach with a woman of interest would be if you approached a woman, introduced yourself, and then began to flatter her for a few minutes … share entertaining anecdotes, jokes, and biographical stories about yourself … ask her questions about her high school, college, and/or adult background … find out what type of job she has and what are some of her most enjoyable hobbies and activities of interest … convince her that you are a man who has a decent set of morals, values, ethics, and integrity (and that you are also mentally and emotionally ‘sane’ and healthy, and not any sort of ‘weird psycho’) … and then finally, after twenty minutes or more of this type of conversation, you slowly but surely – in a somewhat vague, ambiguous, and ‘beat-around-the-bush’ manner – you verbally communicate to this woman that you would like to “hang out sometime” or “have lunch or dinner together” and “get to know each other better.”
THE FEAR OF ABRUPT, STRAIGHTFORWARD REJECTION
The blunt truth of the matter is, the only reason why any man chooses to verbally communicate with women in an indirect manner (what I refer to in my books as a Mode Two and Mode Three style of verbal communication) rather than a more direct and to-the-point manner (what I refer to in my books as a Mode One style of verbal communication) is because of their fear of having a woman respectfully decline their invitation to connect, and their fear of having a woman blatantly refuse to reciprocate their romantic and/or sexual desires, interests, and intentions by the end of their very first conversation with the woman of interest.
Arguably nothing weakens a man’s sense of self-confidence and self-esteem and exposes the fragility and sensitivity of a man’s ego more than the fear of being abruptly rejected and subsequently indefinitely ignored by a woman whom he is very attracted to.
Here is the most obvious ‘irony’ regarding men’s fear of rejection: The more afraid a man is of rejection, the less likely he is to approach a woman of interest and initiate a conversation with her, which essentially means that this man is ‘rejecting himself’ before he ever takes any action to possibly connect with the woman of interest. This is what is simply known as a ‘lack of self-confidence and self-assurance.’
QUICK, STRAIGHTFORWARD REJECTION IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN DELAYED REJECTION IN THE LONG-RUN
As I express in my various eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, if a man is going to be rejected by a woman, it is always better to be rejected by that woman in the first five-to-ten minutes of your very first conversation with her than it is to be rejected by a woman after completing three dinner dates, two lunch dates, and fifteen hours of entertaining telephone conversations. Trust me on this. The latter will leave a man feeling much more angry, frustrated, bitter, and regretful in the long-run than the abrupt rejection will.
When I think of women who rejected me beginning with the age of eighteen years old, I honestly cannot remember the names of 99% of the women who rejected me during my very first conversation with them. Even women who may have abruptly rejected me within the last twelve months or so, I honestly cannot remember what the first or last names of these women are at the moment.
Conversely, I can remember just about every woman who rejected me after I chose to invest a significant amount of time – or time and money – in the pursuit of their romantic or strictly sexual companionship. For women in the latter category, I can remember each of these women’s first names, last names, and general background dating back to my freshman year in college.
THE REALITY OF WOMEN
As a young woman pointed out to me in October 1990 (a story which I feature in my book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking), women are not stupid (well, let us men assume that most of them are not).
This young lady said to me that evening, “Alan, women know as soon as you flirt with us and as soon as you are ‘extra friendly’ with us in any social setting that you ultimately want to have sex with us. WE KNOW THIS from the beginning of our conversation with men. For any man to assume that we are not aware of this from the beginning of our conversation with him just proves how naïve this man must be about how women’s minds operate.” In my experiences, I 100% agree with her assertion.
I do not care if a man begins a conversation with a woman discussing politics, sports, the weather, or her general background and hobbies. Realistically, deep down, any woman that a man chooses to converse with KNOWS that he has some degree of interest in exchanging orgasms with her at some point in the future. TRUST ME: SHE KNOWS THIS. A man can attempt to hide this desire of his from her for twenty minutes, thirty minutes, an hour, two hours, two days, two weeks, or two months … but in reality, SHE ALREADY KNOWS THIS (or at a minimum, she ASSUMES this).
My question to the men reading this article is if every woman you initiated a conversation with somehow spontaneously developed “mind-reading” abilities … and these women knew exactly every desire, interest, and intention related to them that was floating around in your mind … how would you change how you converse with women?
Marinate on that.
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.