Do Shorter (Black) Men Make Better Boyfriends & Husbands – & Do Black Women Care?

Last week, I dealt with the sordid tale of one Mr. Antoine Fuqua, whose latest sexploits involved his well-publicized tender kisses with one Ms. Nicole Murphy. I made my position on the matter as clear as a bell, but for those who may be a bit slow on the uptake, I’ll reiterate: in my view, Fuqua is a sorry excuse for a Black man. Why? Because in my view, no right thinking Black man would do what Fuqua did – which is to repeatedly cheat on and disrespect his wife and mother of his children – in this case, Ms. Lela Rochon Fuqua. Despite tremendous pushback from my largely Black male listening (and now, reading!) audience, this has been my position and I stand by it.

One of the excuses offered on behalf of Fuqua by the aforementioned Black Male Apologists, is the argument that Ms. Lela Rochon Fuqua didn’t seem to have a problem with Anoine’s sexploits – of which there are many – and so, what’s the big deal, right? And, indeed, as of press time last week, Ms. Rochon-Fuqua hadn’t come forward with a statement either way.

Her silence, did infer consent, indeed.

On Aug 8, 2019, in a piece writing for the website Popular Superstars, Ms. Monica Miller reports the following:

“Some people relationship’s are very different from the usual ones we think of. For some, loyalty isn’t a big deal. And it looks like this might be the case for Lela Rochon and Antoine Fuqua, who are still together. Following the pictures where he was kissing Nicole Murphy, Lela doesn’t seem phased and she continues to say that they are happy together.

A few weeks ago, some pictures of Antoine Fuqua and Nicole Murphy appeared, where they seemed to enjoy each other’s company in Italy. And the pictures didn’t show two friends, but someone who was very intimate as they drank their coffee and made out at the hotel’s pool. And this wasn’t the first time Fuqua cheated. And it doesn’t seem to be a problem, in fact.

MTO News reports that, in one instance, Lela flaunted her wedding ring at the press. And when a journalist asked how she was doing, she replied that she is “happily married.” Back in July, the 55-year-old actress (who actually goes by Lela Rochon Fuqua) retreated from Instagram after the news.

So yesterday, Lela showed up at the premiere of the David Makes man show in Los Angeles. And she didn’t seem to have a worry in the world, and posed and smiled at everyone. And even more important, she was proudly wearing her wedding ring. And she didn’t even try to hide the fact that she was proudly wearing her ring.

Lela Rochon and producer/director Antoine Fuqua have been married for nearly 20 years. The Christian couple have three children together. Antoine is one of the most famous Black directors in Hollywood, and he has won an Academy Award for the movie Training Day. And when he was supposed to receive an award in Italy, he apparently also spent time with the model.

Kudos to her for trying to see the half full side of the glass!”

Wow. Just…wow.

So, let me get this straight – not only does Ms. Rochon-Fuqua seem to be OK with her hubbie Antoine not just stepping out on her AND SIRING KIDS IN THE PROCESS – but OTHER BLACK WOMEN like the author of the above piece, Ms. Monica Miller, also seem to be OK with it, too – in the name of “seeing the half side full of the glass”, no less.

Well, ain’t that a kick in the head! And which raises some interesting questions – with equally explosive answers!

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As noted in the previous column on this august website, a powerful study was published by the Institute for Family Studies – “Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America” – and which repays close study. Of particular import for the purposes of today’s discussion, is what the IFS had to say bearing on the unique cheating culture extant in Black American life:

“In addition to gender and age, the infidelity rate also differs by a number of other demographic and social factors. For example, cheating is somewhat more common among black adults. Some 22% of ever-married blacks said that they cheated on their spouse, compared with 16% of whites and 13% of Hispanics. And among black men, the rate is highest: 28% reported that they had sex with someone other than their spouse, compared with 20% of white men and 16% of Hispanic men.”

That’s right, folks – Black men cheated most of all, at NEARLY THIRTY PERCENT – clearly outpacing both White AND Hispanic men(!).

So clearly, Black men taken as a group, have a cheating heart. But, as always, the devil’s in the details. For one thing, while it is true that Black men cheat more than other races of men do, it is also true that MOST BLACK MEN DO NOT CHEAT. But the answer is why – and why are so many Black women seemingly so cool with those Black men who DO cheat – like Lela Rochon and Monica Miller? To answer these questions, we need to revisit an old saw in “Red Pill” circles – the dreaded “80/20 Rule”.

Simply put, the “80/20 Rule” is defined in this way: in an environment where women – in this case Black – are freed up to select those Black men whom they find the most sexually desirable, WITHOUT any pushback in the form of social, cultural or legal penalties, while at the same time, being able to “replace” all the “dad” qualities either directly in the form of another Black men – the proverbial “Beta male” in the popular parlance of the age – or indirectly in the form of Big Daddy Govt (read: the Welfare State) – 80% of Black women will then naturally gravitate towards the aforementioned 20% of highly sexually desirable Black men. Though not rigorously scientifically tested, especially in a Black American context, the 80/20 Rule is something well known and recognized among denizens of the Black Manosphere online and spoken about freely in the barbershops of Black American communities from coast to coast.

Until now.

I propose, that though we may not be able to directly put the 80/20 Rule to the acid test, we DO have enough information to indirectly observe and document the phenomenon – and the implications, may be huge. For example: take the IFS study above, which clearly indicates that nearly 30% of Black men have admitted to cheating, much like Mr. Fuqua. You gotta admit, 28% comes pretty darned close to the “20” in the 80/20 Rule, doesn’t it?

So, since it’s clear that not all Black men cheat and that a substrate of Black men do, what could be a, if not the, defining feature(s) that separate the two?

I argue, that one of those factors – perhaps the factor – is height.

Read on…

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About five years ago, a raft of articles citing some interesting research was published. One in particular, was a piece published on The New Republic website, titled “Short Men Make Better Boyfriends and Husbands”, Aug 27, 2014. Among other things, the findings were that men of shorter stature – and “short” these days is defined by men being 5’7″ and under – made for better husbands, due to their willingness to help with housework more, are more attentive to their spouses, inclined to divorce less, earn more than their spouses and most of all, cheat less than their taller brethren. With the Black marital rate at its lowest point since US Census records were kept on the matter since 1896(!) and with all that comes with it – such as, for example, wealth creation – we have to ask the crucial question:

Are Black women self-selecting a cohort of Black men, who would be MORE likely to cheat? And, are those Black men who DO cheat on their Black spouses, MORE likely to be tall?

As noted above, taller (Black) men have more opportunities to cheat, as well as more chances to date and mate, than their shorter bros. Two very easy cases in point come to mind – both Presidents Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, have been well known for their extramarital sexploits – all the way up to and including their time in the White House(!). Clinton is listed at 6’2″; Trump, 6’3″. There you go.

Let’s return now to the current Antoine Fuqua/Lela Rochon case. We learn from a simple Google search that Fuqua stands 6′ on the button. BOOM. His stature tracks very well with the scientific evidence on this matter: that taller (Black) men are more likely to cheat on their spouses and significant others, than shorter statured (Black) men, all other things being equal. Putting together the results of the findings in both cases of studies – the IFS cheating study as it relates to Black America; and the findings from the shorter men making better husbands study – the conclusion is nothing short, pardon the pun, of explosive: Black women are selecting for the very types and kinds of Black men who are much more likely to bring them the headaches and heartaches they complain about at least(!) and, as we see in the case cited above with Lela Rochon, are willing to make the “tradeoffs” of being with a highly sexually desirable Black man(!!).

Please, make that make sense?!?!?

Several years ago, Paul Carrick Brunson, then known to the world as “The real life Hitch” after the Will Smith film of the same name, made his daily bread as a matchmaker for Black folk. Though he had some successes in the enterprise, one major stumbling block he encountered was many Black women’s fierce resistance to the idea of giving Black guys who fell outside of their “standards” a chance. Much of this centered largely – and solely – on height alone.

One particular instance comes to mind, since PCB and I go back nearly a decade – where he attempted to match up a Black woman and a Black man. The former is the fairly conventional Black Woman Today” – over-educated (and very likely in lots of debt), quite a bit overweight and “over-processed” in terms of Wookie weave, makeup and so forth. Moreover, she was quite a bit “extra” in terms of her demeanor and attitude. The latter was a well educated and mannered brotha of shorter stature – about my height or so, give or take. Despite PCB’s best efforts, the sista in question just refused to budge on her “standards” – in this case, being height – and the date that PCB had setup for these two, went over like a lead balloon.

We have all heard numerous instances like the one above, where the ONLY thing “wrong” with the guy is that he’s not over 6 feet tall – and Black women can and will cut such guys out from consideration – only to bemoan all of the ill treatment from the “select bros” later on down the line and now, “(all) Black men ain’t shit”.


And now, we have the scientific, peer-reviewed proof.

So, when we hear Black women bemoaning the perfidy of Black men, the evidence strongly suggests that we have to “interpret” what so many Black women are REALLY saying – they aren’t talking about “all” Black men, no matter how widespread their statements may seem; but rather, they are talking about a minority of Black men whom they want and desire, who bring with them all manner of very real downsides – and if Lela is anything to go by, these Black women seem to be perfectly OK with it!

So, what does all of this have to do with a dating column aimed at Today’s Black Men – especially if the majority of them are single, childless and are confirmed bachelors? Well, only this: that the scientific evidence is beginning to bear out that YES, the 80/20 Rule is very real at least insofar as Black America is concernedand that this fact can and will have serious implications for today’s dating and mating scene in Black American life moving forward. Because the Obsidians are a well-read and educated lot, we study these things and understand what it will mean in the overall scheme of things, both for the individual and for the wider Black society. And, we understand that many of the very problems Black women can be heard bemoaning when it comes to the small pool of what I have come to refer to as “Khan Noonien Singh Niggas”, are often of their own choosing. Literally.

As noted above, the implications for all of this, if true, could prove explosive – and that brings us to the point of today’s column. Clearly, Black women are selecting (or, failing that, attempting to select) for a smaller cohort of Black men – and one way we can immediately identify them is by way of their height. Black women have expressed a clear preference not just for height, but the more the merrier – and we now know that such Black men come with as many downsides as they do upsides. Even more to the point, is that there are Black women who are quite content to live with said downsides of being with such a Black man. But wait, there’s more!

While there are many Black women who are like Lela Rochon and will simply “grin and bear it”, there are those Black women who have finally had enough and are ready to come to their senses. And that’s where many of us will come in – at least in theory. I say that because, as Mrs. Rochon-Fuqua’s case clearly points out, quite a few Black women will have been through all kinds of physical, mental, emotional and even financial ringers from dealing with such “select” Black men – and that baggage will invariably be carried over to Black men like us. Though I am a newly minted dating coach for Today’s Black Man, I must caution you all about the very real prospect of running afoul of such sistas – much careful investigation is needed before proceeding any further. We ARE Thinking Black Men, after all – and a defining feature of us is our penchant for thinking deeply and carefully about these matters, before diving right in.

In a more sane world, Black women more than anyone else, would be making a beeline for the shorter statured bros as mates for all the reasons that the research bears out above – and yet, we don’t see that happening by and large, now do we? After all, you can lead a heiffer to water, but you can’t make her drink, right?

In a future column, I will layout in more specific detail the real world costs Black women bear for their thing for “select” Black men – do you think Lela Rochon has gotten off scott free?

Now adjourn your asses…


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Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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