As a professional dating coach who works with many men, I often get asked the question, “Alan, what is step number one to improving your success with women?” Without hesitation, I always offer this quick response: overcoming your fear of being rejected by women … overcoming your fear of being harshly criticized and/or insulted by women … and overcoming your fear of being disliked by women or indefinitely ignored by women.
UNWARRANTED FEARS NEGATIVELY AFFECT MANY ASPECTS OF MEN’S BEHAVIOR
Whether a man consciously realizes it or not, the vast majority of women can sense when a man is dreadfully afraid of being rejected by them, ignored by them, criticized by them, and/or disliked by them. They can observe this fear in a man’s facial expressions, his demeanor and disposition, his overall body language and, in particular, his manner of verbal expression.
Just about every facet of a man’s behavior toward women that can be deemed as dishonest, misleading, manipulative, and timid can be traced to his fears. Let’s examine how a man’s fears manifest themselves in a man’s day-to-day, week-to-week behavior toward women.
TIMID MEN WILL ATTEMPT TO HIDE THEIR TRUE DESIRES, INTERESTS, and INTENTIONS FROM WOMEN
When men are dreadfully afraid of being rejected by women, they will do one of two things: 1) avoid social interactions with women completely, or 2) only engage in social interactions with women that are of a purely platonic nature without ever making one mention of their true romantic or strictly sexual desires, interests, and intentions. I refer to the second option as FunClubbing.
Imagine if you, as a man, were placed in a room with ten beautiful, sexy women. And now, let us say that five of those ten women were potentially interested in sharing your company … either in a romantic manner, or in a strictly sexual manner. How would you know about their potential interest in you if you were too afraid to approach them? How would you ever gain the opportunity to exchange orgasms with these women if you were too afraid to initiate a conversation with them?
The reality is, the vast majority of women are much more afraid of making the first move with men than most men are doing the same thing with women. On top of that, most women have been socially brainwashed to believe that men should always express an interest in sharing their company first. So, unless you are a man who is a rich and famous celebrity – or a man who is amazingly good looking that is oozing with sex appeal – do not wait with bated breath for women to initiate a social interaction with you.
FEARFUL MEN WILL ALWAYS TURN TO DISHONEST and MISLEADING & MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR TOWARD WOMEN
If you read my article describing the five general methods that men employ to get women to have sex with them, you already know that one of those methods is dishonesty & manipulation.
If a man has no fear of being rejected by a woman … no fear of being indefinitely ignored by a woman … and he can fully accept the fact that not every woman that he is attracted to will choose to open her legs for him … then there is really no reason for a man to ever exhibit behavior that is blatantly dishonest and misleading & manipulative with women.
On the other hand, when a man desires to share a woman’s company so badly that he feels that just the mere thought of being rejected by this woman of interest will leave him feeling egotistically and/or emotionally devastated, he is going to feel compelled to lie to women, mislead women, and attempt to manipulate them psychologically and emotionally in an effort to prevent and avoid rejection.
THE ‘NICE GUY SYNDROME’: HOW THE FEAR OF BEING CRITICIZED, INSULTED, or GENERALLY DISLIKED LEADS TO INEFFECTIVE VERBAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
If anyone has listened to my audiobooks, they know that my main area of emphasis is on helping men improve their verbal communication skills. Ideally, I want to help each and every one of my male clients verbally communicate their desires and interests to women in a manner that is much more confident and highly self-assured as well as more smooth, seductive, and persuasive.
When a man is terribly afraid of being harshly criticized by a woman or very fearful of provoking personal insults or negative reactions from women, he transitions into “softening” his manner of verbal expression in the hope of being perceived by women as more “likeable.”
The truth of the matter is, there is a fine line difference between being a genuine ‘nice guy’ and being a verbal coward. Think about it: as a man, if you knew you could get away with exhibiting behavior that is audacious, blunt, bold, cocky, and unapologetically honest while using X-rated, sexually straightforward language with each and every woman who you were attracted to … with no real consequences, detriments, or repercussions as a result … why would you ever be afraid to express any desire, interest or intention to a woman in a very candid, forthright manner?
Identify your fears, examine the impact they have on your behavior, and then make the necessary changes and improvements that you desire.
Note: Columnist Alan Roger Currie will not have a published article posted on the following dates due to his travel schedule and/or vacation plans:
- Monday, May 7, 2018
- Monday, May 14, 2018
- Monday, May 21, 2018
- Monday, May 28, 2018
- Monday, July 30, 2018
- Monday, September 3, 2018
Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE