If there is one comment that genuinely amuses me whenever I hear it come out of a man’s mouth (or via the internet, whenever I see this comment posted online), it is the comment, “I am so tired of being placed into a woman’s dreaded friend zone! This drives me crazy!!” (or some close variation of that).
Here is the truth: No woman can truly place you in her ‘friend zone’ unless you are exhibiting behavior that allows her to do so.
My introduction to the concept of ‘FunClubbing’
I remember when I was a freshman student at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, a close friend and future fraternity brother of mine enlightened me on the concept of FunClubbing. His name was Charles, and one day I saw him looking dejected in the dormitory cafeteria right after this attractive woman left his table where the two had been in conversation with one another.
I said, “Charlie … why do you look so down? Did that girl who just walked away from the table break up with you unexpectedly?” Charles smiled and said, “Worse.” Now, I was really curious. I said “Worse?!? What could be worse than a woman breaking up with you?” Charles said, “When you waste a lot of time hangin’ out with a woman as ‘just friends’ thinking that you’re going to end up in a relationship with her, only to realize later that she is simply not at all attracted to you. She looks at you as ‘just a friend.’ What a complete waste of time.” Then he sighed heavily.
A few seconds later, Charles gave me some advice that I have generally adhered to up until this present day. Charles said, “Alan if you don’t take any other advice from me, remember this: Don’t ever allow yourself to be a part of a woman’s personal ‘fun club.’ Never.” I said, “Do you mean personal ‘fan’ club? Because I have never heard of a ‘fun’ club.” He said, “A ‘fun club’ is just like being part of a woman’s fan club, only you end up having all your [conversations and social interactions] with that woman centering on time spent ‘just for fun.’ In other words, you know deep down that you want to be that girl’s next boyfriend, or at a minimum, you just want to ‘hit it’ (i.e., engage in casual sex one or more times), but you never get around to just coming out and saying it. So, you end up in her ‘time spent just for fun’ club. Never FunClub with any girl. You’ll regret it in the long run.”
About a year later, once I became an official member of my fraternity, I heard several other members of the fraternity using that same term. “FunClubbing.” Some fraternity brothers would criticize the idea of FunClubbing with a woman, but then weeks later, you would see some of those same fraternity brothers being guilty of doing just that.
Men who are ‘Verbal Cowards’ with women
Anyone who has read my first book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking, already knows that I discuss what I refer to as my Four Modes of Verbal Communication™, which are Mode One, Mode Two, Mode Three, and Mode Four.
Mode One represents when you verbally communicate your romantic and/or sexual desires to women in a manner that is highly self-assured, upfront, specific, and straightforwardly honest.
Mode Two represents when you verbally communicate your romantic and/or sexual desires, interests, and intentions to women in a manner that is very cautious, very polite, and in many cases, very vague, ambiguous, and ‘beat-around-the-bush.’
Mode Three represents when you temporarily if not indefinitely attempt to hide, deny, or camouflage your true romantic and/or sexual desires, interests, and intentions from a woman due to the fact that you possess a profound fear of being rejected or permanently ignored by a woman.
Mode Four represents when you have reached a point mentally and emotionally where you possess a high degree of bitterness, resentment, and even hatred toward women, and consequently, you only choose to converse with women and socially interact with them to insult them and/or antagonize them.
FunClubbing falls into the Mode Three category. Next to making the decision to just not approach any women at all, the second most cowardly thing a (heterosexual) man can do with women is to spend weeks, months, or years FunClubbing with them.
Plain and simple, men who regularly FunClub with women are ‘verbal cowards.’ They are deeply afraid of abrupt and straightforward rejection from women. So, what they do is temporarily or indefinitely ‘pretend’ as though they are totally content with being a woman’s purely platonic male friend, but deep down, they know they would rather be engaging in a series of interactions with those women that are more romantic and/or sexual in nature instead of strictly platonic.
No man wants to remain ‘just friends’ with a woman who he finds sexually appealing
I don’t care what any man says. No single heterosexual man wants to remain ‘just friends’ with any (single) woman who he finds to be physically attractive and sexually appealing. I know I don’t. I have no use for maintaining a long-term platonic friendship with a woman who is single and unattached unless that friendship is benefiting my career and/or my finances. Other than that, nope. Just about all the strictly platonic friendships I have with women are with women who are married, engaged to be married, or they are involved in a long-term romantic relationship with some guy. And I only have a few of those.
As I explain in my book, The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly, once you choose to FunClub with women, you open yourself up to the women who I refer to in my books as Manipulative Timewasters. These are women who will use and exploit men for their non-sexual companionship indefinitely as well as those men’s financial generosity and generally helpful & accommodating nature until they get bored with those men. Soon, those men will never hear from that woman ever again.
FunClubbing never has a ‘happy ending’
I cannot think of one male friend or acquaintance of mine who has benefitted in the long-run from FunClubbing with women. Not one.
Now I know a few men who genuinely love spending time with women in a strictly platonic manner, but if that is indeed the case, that is not truly representative of FunClubbing. For example, if you have a female friend name ‘Linda,’ and you genuinely enjoy being around Linda without having any strong desire to be physical with her and/or sexual with her, then that would not be representative of FunClubbing.
FunClubbing is when you know deep down that you do not enjoy sharing a woman’s company at all in a strictly platonic manner, but you force yourself to tolerate being around that woman platonically due to the hope that you will soon experience that one ‘lucky day’ when this so-called ‘female friend’ of your decides to express an interest in being your next long-term girlfriend or your next casual sex lover. Realistically, 99% chance, that day will never come.
Even if your “fake friendship” with this woman does eventually lead to long-term monogamous sex or short-term non-monogamous sex, look at how much time you must invest before that day ever comes along. For example, let’s say that you maintain a disingenuous friendship with a woman for say, nine months. And then you two end up having sex one time, two times, or three times.
The ‘good’ news is that yes … you did end up having sex with that woman.
The ‘bad’ news is that you spent 300 hours talking to that woman over-the-phone, you spent $350 – $500 “hangin’ out” with her socially, and you found out later that at least a half dozen other men had sex with this same woman after knowing her less than a week.
Now, if weeks and weeks and months and months of FunClubbing with a woman ultimately leads to you marrying that woman, good for you. But the question then becomes … why did she allow you to remain nothing more than a ‘good friend’ for such a long period? (answer: Because she only has a ‘moderate’ interest in you at best).
Conclusion: Never waste valuable time (or money) FunClubbing with women. This is a coward’s way of attempting to ‘sneak’ into a woman’s pants. No woman will ever truly respect your cowardly ways in the long run. Believe that.
If you want more insight from me about improving your verbal communication skills with women, check out my eBooks, my paperbacks, and my audiobooks. I also offer Email consultations, Skype and telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching.