Good Black Men have a very powerful and nearly unbeatable competitor for the affection of Black women out here. Even Good Black Men who date interracially can face this man if they are competing for the affections of Becky, Mei Ling, or Juanita. Before I get into all that let me define “Good Black Men.”
“Good Black Men” are those brothas who work to be Do Right Men. The type of men who work hard to do the things a man is supposed to do. They stay employed, out of trouble, and will make good husbands. Even many women recognize this. Despite this many of these men are not among the favored group of men in this society. Many single women, particularly Black women, pass over these men on a consistent basis. Many of these good brothas think they are losing out to thugs, white boys, and even a woman’s part lovers. Strong arguments in all of these cases. These groups are not the real competition to a Good Black Man. Allow me to explain why I say this.
Many Good Black Men think they are losing out to Pookie and Ray-Ray. Good argument there but reality paints a different picture. Pookie and Ray-Ray tend to deal with ratchet women. Ratchet women who tend to have multiple baby daddies. The average brotha that worked hard to have a bug free living space and a functional vehicle is highly reluctant to sign up for that type of stress. He’s usually looking to start his own family from scratch. On the other hand a steadily employed man is more favorable to the average woman despite what many men believe. Pookie and Ray-Ray aren’t a match for a Good Black Man.
Then there’s the significant number of Black women who openly look for love in the arms of a white man or anyone who is non-Black. Indeed every now and then a Good Black Man will see a Black woman in person or on social media touting the virtues of her “rainbeau.” Yeah whatever. Usually what happens is that many Black women in these relationships find out what any white woman could have told them: that a white man is still a man. Other than skin color that white man makes the same human mistakes as any Black man. Indeed many Black women become so disgusted that they become radical Black Nationalists. Many will never go near a white man again. So white men aren’t real competition. Whether brothas take these sistas back is another discussion.
So who is the real competition for Good Black Men? The almost unbeatable competition is what I’ll call the Ideal Man. This man can be Black, white, or Asian. He can be of any race or ethnic group that a woman, regardless of race, believes to be an Ideal Man. This Ideal Man is the perfect man. First of all he is drop dead handsome or whatever the woman considers attractive. He has the perfect body. He’s intelligent and gainfully employed. The Ideal Man for many women is wealthy. He also worships the woman even if she is built like a water buffalo with a disposition of a wild gorilla. He is even willing to be a step father to her three children by four baby daddies. The number four isn’t a typo. There are always paternity issues. This is what many women want and what many Good Black Men are competing against.
Now any male with the cognitive ability of a 12-year old can see that this Ideal Man is probably a figment of drug fueled imagination. Many women believe that they can meet this man. They will pray to Jesus, or the Great Pumpkin, for this man. They will meet several very good Black men and reject them for some minor reason. Her Ideal Man wears expensive leather shoes. The good man who actually wants her wears low cost shoes because he’s saving for a house. Her Ideal Man is 6’4”. The good man who wants her is 6’1” so she rejects him. Her Ideal Man makes $250,000 per year. She rejects the good man who makes $55,000 per year which still puts him in the top 25% of wage earners in the United States.
My point is that many Good Black Men are competing against a phantom that doesn’t exist. Nothing he does will matter to a woman chasing that phantom. Many Good Black Men have to recognize when this is happening and respond accordingly. There are women out there who want real men. Good Black Men need to focus on those women.