The Highly Subjective Notion of the ‘Good Man’ & ‘Good Woman’

What type of man and what type of woman are able to form what is known as a 'great couple?'

What does it mean for a human being to be a ‘good person?’

Generally speaking, a ‘good’ person is usually described as a man or woman who empathetically cares about the wants and needs of others just as much if not more than he or she is concerned with their own individual wants and needs.  A man or a woman who wants other people to experience just as much or more happiness and satisfaction during their life on earth as they anticipate experiencing themselves.

Conversely, a ‘bad’ person is generally one that wishes “ill will” on other people.  In other words, if you are a man or woman who gains a sense of enjoyment and pleasure out of seeing other people experience a life that is full of disappointment, frustration, various episodes of adversity, and general misery and suffering, this would represent in most people’s minds that you are a ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ person.

Right in the middle would be a person who is considered apathetic, indifferent, and/or uncaring.  This means that a man or woman simply does not care if other people are happy or unhappy.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR A MAN TO SEEK OUT A ‘GOOD’ WOMAN?

I often listen to many men express a desire to find a ‘good woman’ to date and/or marry.  What exactly is a ‘good woman?’

Is it a woman who is intelligent, formally educated and knowledgeable, and articulate?

Is it a woman who is a sexual virgin and/or possesses prudish and strictly monogamy-oriented sensibilities?

Is it a woman who comes from a great family with two loving parents?

Is it a woman who is gainfully employed, has a great credit rating, and is financially self-sufficient?

Is it a woman without any sort of criminal record, misdemeanor or felony?

Is it a woman who is exceptionally good-looking?

Based on the definitions I provided in the first two paragraphs of this article, I would define a ‘good woman’ (within the context of dating) as any woman who places just as much if not more emphasis on the wants and needs of her spouse or male romantic companion as she does on her own wants and needs.   Conversely, a ‘poor quality’ (or ‘bad’) woman would be one who is totally selfish and self-centered, and really only cares about what is good for her.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR A WOMAN TO SEEK OUT A ‘GOOD’ MAN?

I often listen to many women express a desire to find a ‘good man’ to date and/or marry.  What exactly is a ‘good man?’

Is it a man who is intelligent, formally educated and knowledgeable, and articulate?

Is it a man who will remain strictly monogamous to any woman he dates and/or marries?

Is it a man who comes from a great family with two loving parents?

Is it a man who is earning enough money to financially support a wife and two or more children with just his income alone?

Is it a man without any sort of criminal record, misdemeanor or felony?

Is it a man who possesses above-average to exceptional bedroom (sex) skills?

Once again – based on the definitions I provided in the first two paragraphs of this article – I would define a ‘good man’ (within the context of dating) as any man who places just as much if not more emphasis on the wants and needs of his spouse or female romantic companion (as well as the children they are raising together) as he does on his own wants and needs.   Conversely, a ‘no good’ (or ‘bad’) man would be one who is totally selfish and self-centered, and really only cares about what is good for him.

WHERE MEN AND WOMEN GO WRONG IN THEIR SEARCH FOR THE ‘GOOD’ SPOUSE or ROMANTIC COMPANION

Once any man or woman begins to deviate from the general description and definition that I provided in the first two paragraphs regarding what is a ‘good’ person versus a ‘bad’ person, this is when things tend to go awry.

For example, on the male end, the vast majority of men I know tend to describe a woman who is very monogamy-oriented and physically attractive – and has been with no more than a handful of male sex partners – as being a ‘good’ woman, with the accompanying implication and insinuation that no woman who has lived a promiscuous lifestyle can even possibly think of being perceived as a ‘good’ candidate to be a man’s long-term girlfriend or future fiancée and wife.  So, in simple terms, a woman who has monogamy-oriented sensibilities when it comes to her romantic relationships with men is automatically categorized as a ‘good’ woman.

But what if that monogamy-oriented woman is not good with raising children and is generally a poor mother to her son(s) and/or daughter(s)?  What if she is extremely hard to get along with?  What if she is extremely materialistic?  What if she only likes to engage in sex no more than 2-3 times per month?  What if she has a drug habit and/or alcohol problem?  What if she suffers from a personality disorder or is incredibly narcissistic?

Similarly, on the female side of things, most women I am acquainted with generally tend to describe a man who is a combination of monogamy-oriented, gainfully employed, and financially generous as being a ‘good’ man, with the accompanying implication and insinuation that no man who has lived a promiscuous lifestyle or has been frequently broke and unemployed can even possibly think of being perceived as a ‘good’ candidate to be a woman’s long-term boyfriend or future fiancé or husband.  So, in simple terms, a man who is willing to be faithfully monogamous to his girlfriend or wife, and is willing to provide for her and her children, is automatically categorized as a ‘good’ man.

But what if that monogamy-oriented and financially generous man is not good with raising children and is generally a poor father to his son(s) and/or daughter(s)?  What if he is extremely hard to get along with?  What if he loves to watch porn regularly rather than engage in physical sex with his girlfriend or wife?  What if the man is sexually impotent and cannot maintain an erection for more than thirty seconds?  What if he has a major drug habit and/or alcohol problem, or even a gambling problem? What if the man is verbally, emotionally, and/or physically abusive to women?

SUMMARY

The question you need to answer for yourself is simply, “What exactly is MY criteria for a ‘good’ woman and a ‘good’ man?”  Even more specific, what is your top criteria for what constitutes a ‘good’ romantic companion that has nothing do with that person’s looks, their past number of sex partners, or their level of career success or income earning potential?

I believe the whole notion of finding a ‘good man’ or ‘good woman’ is highly overrated and way too personal and subjective.  One man’s description and definition of a ‘good woman’ could be completely different than the criteria of his very best male friend … and one woman’s description and definition of a ‘good man’ could be totally different than the criteria of her own older or younger sister.

Remember:  The general definition of being a ‘good’ person is when you are very empathetic to the wants, needs, and overall well-being of others.  You care about other people’s ability to experience an enjoyable and satisfying life just as much as you care about your own degree of happiness.   On the other hand, if the only thing you care about in life is strictly and exclusively your own level of happiness, then that is not representative of a ‘good’ human being.

Marinate on that.

More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions.  Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships.  If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.  Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally.

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About Alan Roger Currie 81 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net