Nothing’s worse than getting caught cheating. Your girl is hurt and angry, she’s yelling, screaming, throwing shit at you, asking you questions about who, what, when, where, and why and she can’t decide whether she loves you or hates you.
Men know how to cheat. It’s relatively easy for us to find side pussy. We’ve been doing it since the dawn of time. It’s the getting away with it part that seems to trip most of us up. Even those who are experts at side chick game, we still slip up from time to time. Happens to the best of us.
But what even the most experienced players are grossly unaware of is how to handle getting caught cheating in terms of keeping your main chick’s respect. Whether you break up or not, keeping her respect is paramount in terms of what to do in the aftermath of the revelation of your philandering.
To be clear, this article is about getting caught cheating…as in red handed, caught you with your hand in the cookie jar, she has pictures, text messages, and other evidence that cannot be denied, spun, or twisted. So spare me with the “deny, deny, deny” bullshit. We’re way past “It wasn’t me” tactics at this point.
Now before we get started, you’re going to have to wrap your mind around two immutable truths about the situation you have found yourself in:
#1 – Your relationship will never be the same
Infidelity changes relationships forever. Most of the time it ends them. It may not end that day, in a week, in a month, or even a year, but more often than not, the end of a your relationship is a mathematical inevitability when your woman catches you cheating. Understanding this will keep you in the right frame of mind when dealing with this “crisis.”
#2 – There is nothing you can proactively do to get her to forgive you
This is where most Men go wrong when attempting to win her back. Women never forgive Men who seek out forgiveness for cheating….EVER. The reason for this is that seeking forgiveness means supplicating behavior like sending flowers, heartfelt cards explaining how sorry you are, and so forth. I speak from personal experience and I’m sure most of you can too.
It’s very difficult to refrain from wanting to right a perceived wrong, but going down this path always ends in her cheating on you.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way let’s get to meat and potatoes in terms of how to handle getting caught cheating.
Do not say “I’m sorry”
Are you sorry you slayed that slut? Are you sorry you blew a load in your side chick’s face? Are you sorry she sucked your dick? Of course not. And as a Man you should never say shit you don’t mean including the fact that you’re “sorry” about getting your dick wet on the sly. What you’re really sorry about is getting caught…as you should be.
But instead of saying you’re sorry, simply say “I apologize.”
“But Donovan, isn’t apologizing the same as saying you’re sorry?” Not even close. And before you google the definitions, I’ll spare you the trouble. The definition of sorry is being in a poor, pitiful state, or condition. Apologizing is merely the act of acknowledging a mistake. Acknowledging your mistake is very different from labeling yourself as a pitiful male.
And for those of you who disagree, go ahead and tell your woman you’re sorry you cheated on her and let me know how that works out for you (spoiler alert: she’ll lose respect for you on the spot).
Most women will assume that your apology is the same as saying your sorry and that’s exactly what you’re going for. So long as the words “I’m sorry” don’t escape your lips let her assume whatever she wants. Some women, however, will demand that you say those two magic words. DON’T DO IT.
This is the first of many shit tests headed your way and if you fail this one, it’s only a matter of time before she loses respect for you and starts fucking your homeboys. If she continues to press you, simply say “Look, I apologized. If that’s not enough, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Do not give her details
When the initial storm is over and she calms down a little, she’s going to start asking questions regarding the details of your infidelity. She’s going to want to know who she was, where it happened, how many times it happened, what positions you fucked her in, and so forth.
DO NOT ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS
Every answer you give her will yield 5 more questions. When you answer those questions, she’ll come up with, yet, more questions. It never ends.
She thinks she wants to know the details but trust me when I tell you that she doesn’t. She can’t handle the truth as Colonel Nathan Jessup once famously said.
The only exceptions to the rule are when she asks you if you used a condom and when she asks you if you love her. The answers to those questions are an emphatic yes and no respectively. When she attempts to question you further. Shut that shit down and say “that’s all I’m telling you.”
This is the biggest mistake Men make when dealing with getting caught cheating. Fucking this up can mean the difference between keeping her respect and losing it. She caught you cheating. There’s no need to rub salt in the would by telling her you’ve been fucking her for 2 months or that she did everything she couldn’t or wouldn’t do.
Do not allow her to get out of pocket
If she decides to stick around (assuming you want to stay with her), she’s going to think she now has “permission” to get out of pocket and engage in bad behavior. After all, you cheated on her so you owe her a little leeway right?
Remember what I said about her forgiving you? This is where the rubber meets the road. Remaining the stone cold assassin who doesn’t put up with her shit is the only way you will maintain her respect and subsequently get her forgiveness.
Make no mistake….she will definitely test you. She will definitely shit test you. She will attempt to push the boundaries. But if you give in and allow her to get and stay out of pocket YOU ARE FINISHED.
She will cheat with impunity and won’t feel a damn bit of guilt about doing it. This is why allowing her to get away with bad behavior when you didn’t before will most assuredly lead to her fucking another man.
She wants to go to the bar or the club with her girls? Fine. But let her know that if she does, your relationship is over.
Texting with someone and she won’t let you see her phone? Shrug your shoulders, get up and leave without a second glance or another word, then go radio silent for at least 24 hours.
Talks to you with attitude? “Watch your fucking tone.” Make strong eye contact with her when you deliver this line and keep that eye contact until she looks away.
Being a passive aggressive bitch? “Get the fuck out” if she’s at your place, “I’m outta here” if your at hers, “Get your shit, I’m taking you home” if you’re out and about.
She gleefully tells you she went to lunch with a male coworker? Dump her and move onto the next chick on your roster.
If she pulls out what she thinks is her trump card and says “Well you cheated on me so I think I should be able to….” Stop her dead in her tracks and say:
If you wanna fuckin’ leave then fuckin’ leave. I made a mistake, I apologized, I owned it, and you decided to stay. That was your decision. You are more than welcome to change your mind anytime you want but you will NOT hang this shit over my head. And if you keep on with this bullshit, I’ll make the decision for you and save myself the headache. I’ve got better shit to do than to put up with your shitty attitude and behavior. So make a fucking choice.
Gentlemen, you cannot, under any circumstances allow disrespectful behavior. If you let anything slide even one time, your relationship is beyond over and it will end when she starts fucking other dudes behind your back.
At the end of the day…
…this is about maintaining her respect. Whether she stays with you or not, whether she keeps fucking you or not, it’s about maintaining respect. A general rule of thumb is that if you didn’t do it before she found out about you cheating, then don’t do it after.
To avoid this happening again, DO NOT GET CAUGHT. A woman will sweep her concerns under the rug so long as she doesn’t catch you cheating.