The Ideology of Independence Hurts Black Women

We all know these Black women.  One woman has a college degree, a high paying job, and a home in an upscale neighborhood.   Another is a single mother with three children from two different men living in a working class neighborhood who is working two jobs to make ends meet.   A third woman is an herbal tea drinking bohemian sista who shares a large house with seven other people.   These women have two things in common: They all consider themselves “Strong Independent Women; and they all want to be in a relationship with a man.   Does anyone see the problem here?

These women proclaim to the world how strong and independent they are.   Loudly.   Okay that’s fair.  Yet these same women also complain that they can’t find a man.   Hold up.   These women let the world know that they don’t need a man and then complain when they can’t find one.   I stated this idea three times and it still doesn’t make sense.   These strong independent women are not smart enough to see that the very nature of being independent prevents them from finding a man for a relationship.

First no one, man or especially woman, is truly independent.   The only way to truly be independent is for someone to live on an island alone.  This person would have to build their own shelter, hunt and grow their own food, and shun help of any kind.   99.9 percent of these independent women are not doing that.  All of these “strong independent women” have a level of dependency on other people.   That’s what civilization is all about.   These women are living in an illusion is they truly think they are independent.

These so-called independent women don’t seem to realize that they can’t call themselves independent and still get a functional man.   A relationship between two people require that they share a part of their space, their time and their very being.   Relationships require that a person sacrifices a bit of themselves for something greater.   Two becomes one.   Even in situations where the couple may come together for simply sex.   They still are giving up time they could be doing something else.   They are still sharing time and space with another human being.   They are not independent at that moment.

Now many “strong independent women” will seek out relationships with men who they can control or otherwise be dependent on them.    We see it all the time when a woman with money and a home will get some bum dude to move in with her.   Sometimes we see that dynamic with older woman dealing with a much younger man.   In this way a woman tries to maintain the illusion she’s independent because in most of these cases the man will let her do as she pleases without too much of an argument.   To the world it looks like she is still “strong and independent.”   It’s an illusion.

Even in a situation where a woman seems to be in a dominant position over a man she is not an independent woman.  She is still dependent on that man for sex and companionship.   A woman can’t be dependent and independent.  That does not compute.  This leads to a bigger problem for the women.   Most women, despite what they say publicly, yearn for a strong man with whom they can fully submit.   We’ve all seen women who were in dominant positions over men complain about those same men.   That leads to the biggest issue that independent women will have.   A strong man will not want them.

A wise elder woman told me that in a relationship one person must be strong and one must be weak.   In other words one person must be dominant and the other must serve.  Put another way one must lead and one must follow.   Many independent women secretly want that strong dominant man.  Yet the very nature of them being “strong and independent” means that something in their spirit will not allow them to follow a strong dominant man.   There will be clash.   These women want these men but psychologically will have trouble being in a relationship with one of these men.

These women have adopted an ideology that does not serve their true needs.   These women want a good strong man.   I know because I have talked with hundreds of these women.   They talk about how strong they are on one hand but then want the strong man to provide, protect, think, and make love to them.    These women have to make a decision.  The strong, independent ideology does not serve the true relationship goals of millions of Black women.   It’s time they evaluate the effectiveness of the philosophy.

 

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