If I Don’t Know You, I Don’t Owe You

“I am sick of your foul language, your crude behavior and your sluttish manner. There are certain things a decent woman keeps private, and only a filthy slut would have done this and those who stood by and encouraged her are just as bad. I don’t care who’s responsible – you’re all to blame. Now, I am going to leave this room for five minutes by which time that disgusting object had better be removed and the windows opened to clear away the stench. If you must play these filthy games, do them in your homes, and not in my classroom!”

“Good. Next, general deportment. First, the young ladies. They must prove that they are worthy and appreciative of the courtesies we are going to show them. Soon, boyfriends and marriage will concern you. No man likes a slut for long. Only the worst type will marry one. And the competition for men on the outside is rough.”
-Sidney Poitier/Mack Thackery, “To Sir, With Love”

Ever since Black feminist, activist and general overall miserable social media personality Feminista Jones’ ill-fated “#YouOKSis” anti-street harassment Twitter hashtag campaign some five years ago, there has been an increasingly shrill harangue on the part of noisy Black women on social media, outright demanding that “Good Black Men” do their God-appointed duty and protect “their” Black women from threats external and internal. Back in the summer of 2018, the chorus got louder still by using as their supposed case in point, a spate of incidents of Black women being put in harm’s way and captured forever on WorldStarHipHop.com, was used as a cudgel to rhetorically beat Good Black Men into submission. Last week, longtime “Femininity influencer” and self-described dating coach for Black women, one Ms. April Mason, became the latest member in the “Good Black Men Ain’t Protecting Me!” camp.

In a truly frantic and disturbing 14 minute long rant posted on YouTube, Ms. Mason alleges that her cousin, one Ms. Cynthia Collier, was nearly abducted by three nefarious-looking Black men riding along in a “silver Dodge Charger with black windows”. Along with loud declarations about how she is a “refined hood nigga”, pledges of allegiance to the hood life and “calling out” the East Point, GA police department, Ms. Mason took special time out to also “call out” “so-called Good Black Men” to protect Black women who, like her cousin, live under the constant threat of being spirited away by the ne’er do wells of the hood. While the alleged abduction attempt was quickly proven to be a hoax, Mason’s calling out of GBM continued to reverberate throughout the Black Manosphere; as of this writing, the virtual feeding frenzy on Mason’s ill-timed remarks are still being fiercely discussed with great interest – with no end in sight, as Black female fellow travelers of Mason line up in kneejerk support of her.

None of this comes as any particular surprise to yours truly…after all, Black women have been saying some iteration of “Black men need to protect Black women” for three decades running at this point(!). But, what IS different is that this time around, the rank and file Black man online is no longer taking the verbal drubbing laying down.

And now, April Mason is just starting to find that out.

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One of the biggest, pardon the pun, problems with Black women’s “demands” about (Good) Black male protection, is they conveniently leave out the unspoken and implicit understanding that has – until very recently stood in good stead that regulated the relations between the sexes; that, in order for Black women to receive protection from Good Black Men, they first had to prove that they were worthy of AND appreciative of it(!). But, in classic “monkey see, monkey do” fashion, Black women aped their White feminist sisters and made virtual enemies, not just out of Black men in general but Good Black Men in particular. Indeed, it is not at all unusual for Black women like Feminista Jones, Christelyn Karazin and now April Mason, taking particular time out of their oh-so-fabulous lives to lambaste Good Black Men for falling down on the job – note, NONE of these Black women or those like them, can be seen out on the block with torches and pitchforks, demanding that the Select Fuckboys – you know, the very same types of Black men they love to suck, fuck, procreate with, try to save by wrecking their financial futures with and more – to protect them. Oh, no. But, they want to demand that Good, Non-Select Black Men do it? Bitch, please.

Many Black women honestly believe that they are beholden to NO Good/Non-Select Black Man; that no such Black man can tell them anything; that they don’t owe such a Black man anything – not even the time of day – but then have the fucking gall to demand that we “protect them”. Unfreaking believeable!

Only in Black America, where everything is ass-backwards, are women who honestly believe that they don’t have to do anything to get the protection and regard of Good Black Men – they only need to show up, be Black and have a vagina. Meanwhile, White women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Green women on Star Trek, don’t do this, because they understand that if they want to be taken care of by the good men of their races and ethnic groups, they can’t be acting any ole kind of way – and they certainly can’t be talking greasy to the very good men they NEED for their very survival. ALL other groups of women understand, that in order to get what they want from the men who matter in their society, they have to conduct themselves in a certain way. They have to demonstrate through their speech, actions and behavior, that they are women worthy of being protected and are appreciative of the men who are courteous and kind to them. Only Black American women insist on and persist in engaging with the very same kinds of actions, speech and behaviors that have led them to the place where they are today: the least married, least partnered, most baby mama’d, most divorced and most ALONE women in the entire country(!).

Black women demand the right to be rude, obnoxious, disrespectful in extremis; to suck and fuck and reproduce with the worst kinds of Black men; to act an utter fool; to look even worse; to berate the very kinds of Black men who can actually offer them something in this world(!) – and then, act shocked when Good Black Men have had enough of their bullshit and fuckery and have decided NOT to “heed the call”.

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What really galls me about this and is distilled into the fuckery of Ms. April Mason, is how she, in yet another recent YouTube video, attempted to play the “Not I!” card, when she claimed that she’s not one of these “I don’t need no Black man” Black women. Yet, readers of this column will know well that if they had a dollar for every time they heard a Black woman loudly and defiantly say just that – how they “don’t need no Black man” – NONE of us would have to hit a lick every again in this life or the next. As prominent Black male YouTuber and Black cultural critic “Uncle Dave” David Carroll rightly observes, NOW all of a sudden, Black women want to feign ignorance of the “I don’t need no Black man” mantra that even non-Black Americans are very familiar with! The nerve of these broads! It’s a classic case of Gaslighting 101 if there ever was one. You just cannot make this stuff up!

Well, sorry ladies – and I use that latter term very loosely (something many of you would know about, I highly suspect) – but that Black feminist dinghy has already sailed. As noted above, for at least three decades straight we have listened to so many of you make it clear as day that you are Black women and that we just gotta hear you roar. Fair enough. And now, Black men – especially the Good ones – have listened to you. You have made it clear that you don’t desire us. You’ve made it clear that you don’t respect us. And you’ve made it clear that in many ways big and small, you actually have contempt for us.

Alright then.

So now, our position is that you are on your own. Wanna be “strong and independent”? You got it. “Don’t need no man”? Cool – you got it! You can “pay all your own bills”? No worries – you. Got. It.

So now, you have to take care of yourself. After all, it’s highly likely – like Mason and her cuz Collier – that your mouth (and behind!) got you into trouble. Use one or both to get you out of it.

Trust me, us Non-Select Guys will not interfere. We promise!

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In case you ladies haven’t figured it out by now and are a bit slow on the up take, please allow me to make things clear as a bell for you. We Non-Select Guys have decided to operate along the following lines regarding you all:

“If I don’t know you, I don’t owe you.”

Which simply means: if we are not related by blood – a mother, a sister, a daughter; or, if we have not established a SEXUAL relationship – such as a marriage, longterm girlfriend or even fuckbuddy; or, if you are not PAYING US for bodyguard and/or personal security services –


The days of “instinctual protection” of Black women in an ad hoc fashion, if they ever existed, are OVER. You Black women have made it utterly clear that you didn’t like the old way of doing things – too much “patriarchy”, don’tcha know – and, like your White feminist sisters, you’ve chucked the pre-existing social contract. Cool.

So, the New World Order is that unless we actually know you – per the ways enumerated above – we do not consider ourselves beholden to you for anything. That we can and will “walk on by”. That we won’t even be bothered with dialing 911 – after all, what Black woman these days DOESN’T own a smartphone – often, the most expensive kind? Black women can do everything with their smartphones from whiling away the time on Facebook and Instagram, to snapping pics of their latest meal and how their backside looks – something tells me that they will be able to manage buttdialing 911 in the event things get hairy.

This is how things are gonna go from here – and one of these days, the message will sink in.

After all, what my dearly departed grandmother said is oh-so-true:

“A hard head, makes a soft behind”.

Right, ladies?

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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