Kobe Bryant, Black Women & SYSBM

“Oh what the heck, let’s get married and have a son named Erick
No big deal, no sweat
I was in for a big surprise
And when I saw the judge hammer pass my green eyes
Brain-locked, my whole damn head was malfunctional
Cause I forgot to co-sign a prenuptial, agreement
Now her case is hard like cement
I have no files on all the money she spent
She has a car, nineteen ninety brand new jaguar
Fly kit, with chrome rims that’s five star
That she bought, when I was away on tour
Hittin’ my bank account, getting more and more money
She got paid, it wasn’t funny
Talking to myself, oh you big big dummy
Just my luck, that I’m stuck with a marriage
And a baby, who lays in a gold carriage
Now I can’t leave, if I do she gets half (not the cash)
Oh yes, the whole damn bash of money
So I chill, and act so sweet
Kiss her feet, can’t picture being in the street
So I give a fake smile, and a fake laugh
Fake everything so I can keep all my cash
Fake talk, like I love you so much
But wishing, she gets hit by a mack truck
Next time, if there’s one I’ll know
That most women strictly out for the dough
They’re called gold diggers”
-EPMD, “Gold Digger”

“Now I don’t like to get upset, and I don’t like to riff.
But one thing that gets me hype is when girls shoot the gift.
Now there’s a little saying about the J-O-B.
But what she’s really trying to do is take your D-O-E
N’ wreck your whole check on the latest design.
When you’re broke, it’s all a joke. But when your paid, it’s fine.
This advice to you I lend. Begin to let it sink, and you can spin.
But don’t be taking nothing my friend.
Now I said it once before, and I’m a say it again:
“Best believe you won’t receive no dividends.”
Now I said it once before, and I’m a say it again.
“Best believe you won’t receive no dividends.”
-Three Times Dope, “Funky Dividends”

“I remember back den, most of them hoes couldn’t stand me
But now them same hoes begging me to pull down they panties
A couple of ’em said I was cute but I was just too chubby
Same size a year later the same hoes want to fuck me
Because they see me paid, pimping pens, working my jelly
And I ain’t tripping cause my pockets stick out mo’ than my belly
They know I’m paid, living laid in the shade
Two slabs in the Escalade with fo’ or five estates
They know that I got it made, I’m a motherfucking baller
She would want a nigga now but I ain’t got no time to call her
I’ma stall her like she stalled me, now she trying to call me
Bitch I’ma dog yo’ hoe ass like you dogged me
I’m Mike Jones, don’t act like you don’t know the name
Ain’t nothing changed but my change, I’ma stay the same
I’m Mike Jones, don’t act like you don’t know the name
Ain’t nothing changed but my change, I’ma stay the same”
-Mike Jones, “Back Then”

” Now, I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ with no broke niggas”
Kanye West, “Gold Digger”

The sad news that five-time NBA champion Kobe Bryant’s untimely death had barely circulated on the news wires before Black women could be heard across Black social media, actually crowing and celebrating it – seeing it as the just desserts for so many Black women “abandoning” them for women of other races and ethnic backgrounds, and a perverted cautionary tale to those intrepid Black men who have had enough of the gaslighting, ill-treatment and outright abuse from Black American women and have decided that it’s time to do something different. Clear and present evidence can be seen in this one YouTube video alone, by one Ms. “Kai Element”, dated Jan 26, 2020 titled, “We’re NOT MOURNING Deaths of Non-allies like Kobe Bryant”. Of course, a video appearing on the very same channel only four days earlier, featuring a Black woman named “Lilly L’Overture” discusses how when she’s out and about with a White man, one who treats her much better than Black men mind you, she gets all manner of stares and hard looks (“Society HATES to see Black women pampered!”); you can hear it for yourself at about the 9 minute mark out of a in the car presentation just over an hour long). So much for the “first law of preservation” Ms. Element preens on about in her anti-Kobe video; as is so often the case with so many Black women, “Swirling for me, but not for thee”.

One might go along with that argument, had not the other and I argue, real reason hadn’t slipped immediately after the crocodile-tear show: Many Black women could be heard, again across Black social media, asking about Bryant’s estimated $350M USD fortune and how it would now go to his non-Black widow.

And thus it is truly revealed, the view that so many (not all, but clearly a simple majority) Black women hold – a view that I have long propounded both in print and on the air – and in the midst of a roiling debate online about the rise of the SYSBM/Passport Bros. movement, it is a view that must be brought into the discussion, as your correspondent wraps up the final chapters of his first book, aptly titled, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Black American Gentleman”. I had promised my readers/listeners that I would produce at least one more chapter on the whole ball of wax; and if there is one good thing that can come from Bryant’s tragic demise, I suppose a final word, at least for the time being, on the raging like a wildfire SYSBM debate, would be it.

So, tighten your chinstrap!

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As is customary with my columns, I begin with a quotation that has some kind of bearing on the topic being discussed and to be sure, this wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve used one from a famous rapper’s song. However, you will kindly note that I’ve in fact used four quotations of famous rapper’s songs in today’s chapter. Not only that, but hip hop afficiandos will immediately recognize the span of time of these songs, the earliest being Philly-based rap group Three Times Dope’s “Funky Dividends” in 1988; it was followed by the smash hit “Gold Digger by hip hop fixtures EPMD in 1990. Houston-based rapper Mike Jones came along with a smash hit of his own, “Back Then” And finally, another smash hit song of the same name as EPMD’s some 15 years earlier but by the super-producer/rapper Kanye West came on the scene in the summer of of that same year.

As someone who was and remains a devotee of hip hop, who DJ’d many a party, cut dozens of demo tapes in recording studios and hungout with luminaries in the genre, not only do I know the aforementioned hits well, I can easily recount a dozen or so more songs with the same theme in my sleep. Many of those reading these words right now will know what I am talking about. Hip Hop is rife with Black men who share their tales of ill-fated dealings with mostly Black women, whose major intent is to drain the financial life’s blood from these guys. To be sure, rappers are entertainers and as such, there is always an element of hyperbole to what they do; but, as I’ve demonstrated above, we’re talking about rappers as diverse as the east coast and the south, spanning 17 years(!). Can all of the aforementioned be wrong?

I cite all of the quotes above to highlight the fact – an ugly one – that rightly or wrongly, Black women have developed a very bad reputation for being gold diggers – only interested in a Black man once he becomes successful – and not a moment before. As noted above, this is a staple of hip hop lyrics; and is but one of many cases in point of art imitating life.

Two years ago, Atlanta-based matchmaker, dating and life coach Ms. Rebecca Lynn Pope released a video on YouTube, announcing that she was getting out of the matchmaking for Black women business (“Why Women Have Totally Unrealistic Standards for Men, Dating, and Marriage”, Sep 8, 2017). Among the reasons noted, was that Black women didn’t want to, in her words, “build a boo” – no, they wanted want I would say in my podcast response on the matter, a “plug and play man” (“Ode to Rebecca Lynn Pope”, Sep 19, 2017). What Pope said was something that was long recognized in Black American life, dating back at least to the 80s, hence my citing of Three Times Dope. Black women – at least those who are, as I like to identify them, “the loudest voices in the room” – have made it crystal clear that unless you are an already successful Black man with your act together AND willing to spend considerable sums on them, you simply need not apply. Pope’s video has gone viral, at last count nearing 1M views(!). Again, can so many viewers be wrong here?

The feeble defenses mounted on the part of many Black women online and some Black men to these multi-decades long observations, were just that, feeble; counter arguments about guys being suckers just waiting to be “licked” due to their attraction to Cardi B-like Dark Triad Women and the like, went over like a lead balloon, as did claims that “Other women do it, too!” – a dead giveaway admission of guilt. Sure, there are predatory women out there of all races and backgrounds; but what our interlocutors fail to own up to is the sheer scale of it. Like it or not and for whatever reason(s), Black women, as a group, are considered to be much more materialistic, predatory and capricious, than other groups of women, full stop.

And it contributes mightily to the sorry state of dating & mating today, in 21st century Black America.

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As I’ve noted previously in this column (and soon to be book!), a harsh and ugly reality of today’s dating and mating scene in Black America, is one that calls us to see things as they are. Whatever might have been true in the past, is no longer. Today and for whatever reason(s), Black women, in the aggregate, are simply a different animal than their forebears of a bygone era. One of the many ways that they differ from Black women of the past, is in the area of money, finances and resources.

Here, the much-vaunted Manosphere/Red Pill idea of “Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks” comes into play. It has been both empirically documented and witnessed anecdotally, this “dual mating strategy” on the part of many Black women today: Attempt to get the “best of both worlds” by attracting and mating with an “alpha” male for his traits and genes, while either simultaneously or consecutively attracting and mating with a “beta” male for his resources (“Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage“; “The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating”). This dual mating strategy on the part of Black women in our time, has contributed considerably to the nearly 80% out of wedlock birth rate, as well as the highest rate of divorce by racial and ethnic group in the entire country, much of that directly related to money. Black women are also the highest rated of female cheaters in the country (“Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in the United States”, Institute of Family Studies, Jan 10, 2018).

It is my opinion that the events of roughly the past half a century, which saw the de facto passage of Roe v. Wade, the sexual revolution, the Pill and increased work and educational opportunities have proven both a boon for many Black women and a bane for many Black men – particularly those deemed to be “Non-Select”. Black women, now not “needing no man” had the freedom and ability to sleep with whomever they chose, even reproducing with them, which many often did. However, they soon discovered that those “Select Guys” were in fact Fuckboys, who either had no interest or ability, to care for the kids they sired with these Black women; and despite all the bellowing about how they “didn’t need no man”, reality has a way of testing your beliefs. It became clear that many Black women needed a man who had the wherewithall to do the job of raising a family. And when personal behaviors become cultural norms, is it any wonder why we have the likes of Steve Harvey (“Act like a Lady, Think like a Man”) and Derrick Jaxn (“Single Mothers are for Grown Men, ONLY”), imploring childless bachelors – like me – to “step up to the plate”? After all, the notion that “a real man accepts a woman AND her kids” has become something of a staple in Black American cultural life over the past few decades, right?

The deficits of dealing with the rank and file Black American woman add up bit by bitter bit and at some point, something’s gotta give. It has.

And it’s name is SYSBM.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”, which comes out Summer 2020! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at GoGetFunding.com. Now, back to the article!

As Bryant’s recent death clearly shows, in the end for many Black women, it truly IS all about the money; and they have to be commended for the myriad ways they’ve concocted psy-ops level schemes to get it. As Meghan Daum cites in her wonderful work, “The Problem with Everything”, women in general are no stranger to their own “toxic” behavior and are more often than not much more skilled in emotional, social and verbal manipulation than are most men: “I know women who are so skilled in the dark art of gaslighting that the targets of their mind games, be they boyfriends or BFFs, don’t stand a chance” (pp. 115). However, whether it be due to Non-Select Guys in Black America finally getting a clue as a result of the internet, or Black women being so brazen as to honestly not give a fuck, what can no longer be denied is that the former have finally become, as they say, “woke”.

The gig, is up.

The Non-Select Guys now finally, in an ironic twist that would make Oscar Wilde grin, “know their worth” and are heading for the exits at a quickening pace. They know that many Black women are out for the dough and want no part of it – and no amount of “warnings” about sirens in foreign lands, just waiting to “lick a sucker from (Black) America” are dissuading them, either. I have to say, that I’m amused by all of the 11th hour internet wranglings about all of this. It’s all over but the shouting, but many Black women and some Black men, honestly think that they can turn the tide.

With an estimated 30% of the best and brightest Black men now heading for greener mating pastures – and that was prior to the 2020 US Census figures, soon to be announced – along with the aforementioned oft-repeated stats on the state of things for Black America along dating, mating and family formation lines, one can only speculate as to what its future will look like. For my money, I maintain that the old days and old ways of such is now officially dead…

…and Black women killed it.

Rest in peace, Kobe.

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be book author. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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