Lagos is a very beautiful and interesting place. But, can I ever stay in Lagos for a full year? I doubt it. I always see Lagos as a city for mad people, a place where the inhabitants are not normal. So, let me just be coming and going like I have always been doing. You people can keep enjoying your gridlocks. I didn’t say Lagos is not good. In fact, there is no party like a Lagos party. Lagosians love parties and no weekend goes without an ‘Owambe’ where jollof rice and semolina is served.
It is just that Lagosians are not calm people. They make noise like mad dogs, especially the ‘danfo’ conductors and the ‘agberos’. You should never dare them if you know you can’t stand their trouble. They are unfortunate beings. A Lagos agbero is ready to disgrace you in the sight of the whole world because of N50. Unless you are good in martial arts. Even the drivers, they are the same. Smokers and drinkards and womanizers. Most of them spend their evenings drinking ogogoro and making noise.
If you are new in Lagos, you should be very careful. It is a place for all kinds of people: pilferers, thieves, robbers, thugs, rapists, ritualists, whores, fraudsters, etc. You need to hold yourself tightly anytime you are in that city, because if they are unable to steal your belongings, they can steal you. If you are not smart, Lagos will teach you smartness. If you don’t know how to think, Lagos will reset your brain. Lagosians will remind you that whenever you are going out, you should always take your sense along with you.
You can’t walk the street of Lagos with your sense at home. You’ll regret it. Lagos is a good city, with lots of jobless people, prostitutes and ‘good boys’. No. They are not bad boys. They are good boys, because they cause violence and disturb the peace of other people. Another thing, Lagos is a hub for celebrities. The city has produced and exported great celebrities to other countries. There are different kinds of celebrities in Lagos, though. The real ones and the fake ones.
You know, when you live in Lagos, it is very easy to deceive other people from other cities that you are influential. The streets of Lagos are littered with celebrities. You will meet many of them. Most are so fake that you wouldn’t even know what to call them. You will see them in clubs and parties where they live their fake lives. The ones that crack me up are the hip-hop singers. They will go to Alaba Market and buy dog chains and put it around their necks. They will dye their hairs yellow colour and sag their trousers.
They will go about with big phones, to deceive other people that they have money. But, tell them to buy you a bottle of beer and they will start telling you stories and speaking in other tongues. This is not to insult anyone but that is what happens in Nigeria’s most popular city. Did I mention that you can sell anything in Lagos? Oh, I forgot. You can package your shit and you will find a buyer for it in Lagos. Lagos is a commercial city. It is a city where anything sells like hot cakes if you can brand yourself.
And finally, I must not forget to add this one. Lagos is also house for fake pastors and imams. They will come to you with sugarcoated mouths and motivate you to bring something out of your pockets. Not that there are no real religious leaders in Lagos. But it looks like the fake ones outnumber the real ones. They want to move in jeep and fly private jets. They all want to own a house in Banana Island. So, if you are planning to visit Lagos, especially for the first time, it is necessary for you to shine your eyes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Don’t be caught off guard!