Lil Wayne – Poster Child Of The SYSBM Movement?

“You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love (how to love)
How to love (how to love)
Mm you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in a corner tryna put it together
How to love (how to love)
How to love (how to love)”
-Lil Wayne, “How to Love”

It didn’t take long for the loyal opposition to the Black Manosphere in general and the burgeoning SYSBM/Passport Bros. wing of it in particular, to highlight the recent news of rap legend Lil Wayne’s engagement to White, plus-sized and Australian fashion model La’Tecia Thomas to argue that such is a “bad look” for us. Hardly surprising to this audience, yours truly not only begs to differ, but I will take it a step further – that far from Lil Wayne’s impending nuptials being a “bad look” for the SYSBM movement – it will prove to be a huge boost to it!

How so, you might ask? Read on, dear reader – read on!

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THE “PRO-BLACK” ARGUMENT AGAINST SYSBM
While it isn’t clearly articulated as such (I mean, c’mon, let’s be honest – nobody has ever accused the Pro-Black Crowd of being the most lucid thinkers out there), the “Pro-Black” argument against not only the SYSBM/Passport Bros. movement and the Black Manosphere as a whole, is really rooted in what they see as a counter to the former’s virulently anti-Black American woman ideology. If you will kindly recall in my previous column, “Are Black Women Fun?” (Dec 30, 2019), the Black Youth Project’s hit piece on the SYSBM movement sums this notion up aptly:

“For them, this esoteric cabal rationalizes their views about Black pathology, their intentional decision to have children with non-Black women, and to live abroad or in middle- and upper-middle class white neighborhoods they call “Pleasantville.” Proponents believe SYSBM is a growing international movement, but in reality, it’s just a regurgitation of unresolved problems of internalized racism and misogynoir among Black men that has found a home on the Internet.””

And:

“Although supporters of SYSBM view themselves as living their best possible lives and expanding their romantic options, the motto is laced with virulent misogynoir and overt anti-Black racism. It associates Blackness with danger, discomfort, and stagnation, whereas whiteness is associated with tranquility, security, and upward mobility. Additionally, it endorses conservative talking points by blaming Black people’s behavior for persistent racial inequality.”

As I noted in my previous column, the author of said hit-piece, Mr. Aaron Fountain, Jr., makes use of the term “misogynoir” no less than four times(!), which goes to the Pro-Black bromides against the Black Manosphere/SYSBM. Moreover, both Fountain/Black Youth Project as well as the Pro-Black opponents of the Black Manosphere/SYSBM, argue that the real problem, to the extent that one exists, is really with the very Black men within the Black Manosphere/SYSBM movement themselves – and Lil Wayne’s latest moves on the relationship/marital front, is yet another blackeye on Black men writ large.

Whatever one makes of this premise – and let the record show that your correspondent thinks it’s bunk – this sentiment is by no ways new. Black women, for example and in particular, are especially sensitive at even the hint that the better off Black men – those who are successful, have something to offer Black women outside of the bedroom and who could make good long term mates – just might be heading off for greener pastures. Historically – that is to say, over the past three decades or so – this hyper-vigilance on the part of “Da Sistahood” was focused on White women. But in more recent years – say, the past decade or so – this vigilance has expanded to include all non-Black women, non-“ADOS” Black women, lighter-skinned Black women, thinner/more shapely Black women – in essence, ANY woman who isn’t, as I like to say on my daily talk radio show, “A Jill Scott with a Big Chop and a Grace Jones paint job”. While the “colorism” (Which really means, “Black men who exercise their choices in mates other than me”) argument among Black men has been raging for more than a century and has a very long history in this country, it has been joined more recently by “featurism”, “body/fat shaming”, “cultural appropriation” and other “isms” that Black women have built entire brands as social media personalities, thought leaders and “influencers” online. Indeed, names such as Christelyn Karazin and Chrissie, both on YouTube, are clear and present examples. Another is this piece appearing in the UK’s Guardian newspaper – the British equivalent to the Gray Lady – titled, “Why dark-skinned black girls like me aren’t getting married” (Apr 8, 2019). The Pro-Black Crowd – of which all of the aforementioned is a part – would have everyone believe that as soon as a Black man does well in life, he’s making a beeline for anything that isn’t Alek Wek – evidence to the contrary, like that which I presented in last week’s column, “SYSBM: The Hidden Self-Love Movement” (Jan 6, 2020) – be damned. This is the fundamental premise that the Pro-Black Crowd on Black social media brings forth against the SYSBM movement – and as Lil Wayne’s moves clearly demonstrates – it’s a premise that is increasingly falling on deaf ears.

You may think that I just contradicted myself – after all, Lil Wayne IS getting married to a White AND foreign-born woman, right? Well, before the shouting starts, let us consider the fact that Weezy was married to a Black woman and the following three baby mamas he would have were also all Black, too. Of course, when it comes to the Pro-Black Police, these little facts should never get in the way of good ole fashioned dick policing.

Another old saw that the Pro-Black Crowd often goes on an inchoate harangue about, is how Black men like Lil Wayne routinely gun for “Bottom Shelf Beckys” – in other words, standards that are rigidly imposed on Black women, suddenly fly out of the window when it comes to non-Black and especially White women. This is, supposedly, the case with Ms. Thomas – she’s a plus-sized fashion model and is seen as a clear contradiction, since denizens of the Black Manosphere – present company included (“She’ll Have The Salad”, Dec 16, 2019), have been on Black women about.

But once again and as is so often the case with the usual suspects, the devil is in the details. Let’s consider Lizzo and La’Tecia, shall we? Both are of comparable height – the former lists in at 5’10”, while the latter, according to her Wilhemina Models page, is just one inch shorter. However, there is literally, a YUGE difference between the two on the scale – while La’Tecia no doubt is a “big girl” at roughly 200lbs, Lizzo is outright colossal at OVER THREE HUNDRED POUNDS. Only the most ideologically blinkered or intellectually dishonest would attempt to put both these ladies into the same basket. Just eyeballing them both – and I am NOT saying that either has to be your personal cup of tea – one can easily see a big, pardon the pun, difference between the two. And, this difference shows: La’Tecia IS a world-renown fashion model, gracing the front pages of women’s apparel websites like FashionNova and Forever 21. One must ask: where is Lizzo being feted? It’s not like Black women singers haven’t also moonlighted as fashion models – Ciara has done it and so has the late great Whitney Houston. To my knowledge, Lizzo isn’t known as a “double threat” – a singer/performer AND a high fashion model – the latter of which, as La’Tecia Thomas clearly proves, CAN be done these days, if you’re “plus-sized”.

But the Pro-Black Opposition’s view, is that Black men should simply accept “big” Black women no matter what, because the one major thing that Black women “bring to the table” is the fact that they are Black – which brings us to another very likely reason as to why Lil Wayne would choose to put his passport in the sky…

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”, which comes out Summer 2020! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at GoGetFunding.com. Now, back to the article!

THE ATTITUDE FACTOR
And that’s what I like to call “the attitude factor”. As I’ve noted in many columns on this august website, Black women, for whatever reason(s) – and there are many – have a well-earned reputation for being…difficult to deal with. I’m trying to be as diplomatic as possible. Words like “sassy”, “saucy”, “opinionated” and yea, I’ll tack it on the list, “bitchy” are commonly used in conjunction with Black women and from where I sit, there is very little in the way of evidence that this word-association is gonna lose much steam anytime soon. While it may be true that at least some Black men like a “challenge”, what can no longer be denied is that an increasing number of Black men so intensely dislike the “attitudes” of so many Black women that they are beginning to travel as far away as Australia(!) to find women, of whatever color, who are more amenable and yes, SUBMISSIVE to them. We don’t know for certain that this is indeed the case with Lil Wayne and La’Tecia; but it is something of an accepted “barbershop truism” among Black men that, as a general proposition, non-Black/White women are more approachable, easier to talk to and easier to work with, than ADOS Black women, all other things being equal. If this is true for Weezy, we can then easily see how and why he made the move he did with La’Tecia.

The response on the part of the Pro-Black Contingent online is to say, that these are essentially “weak” Black men who refuse to take nonsense from Black women; these are not “real” Black men, because “real Black men would “handle” more saucier Black women. Indeed, it is part of Black American cultural life and equally as strong a cultural expectation that Black men essentially put up with the sliding scale of meanness, overbearing and antisocial behaviors of Black women – nor is this something that is limited solely to the relationship/mating/marital realm – it is something that can be easily observed in other Black male/Black female interaction formats, such as familial, collegial, even in dealing with the proverbial Black woman at the post office, DMV or supermarket. The culmulative impacts the “micro-fuckery” of so many Black women on the Black male psyche over time (in some cases, decades!) just adds up bit by bit…until, one day, a brother “snaps” – and decides that he’s gotta do something different.

What Black women and by extension their Pro-Black Allies are going to have to understand and accept, is that Attitude Matters – and that it can and will trump looks, especially when it comes to anything long term. Many Black women today see ANY form of cooperation with a Black man as tantamount to capitulation and hey, it’s a free country – but they cannot be mad when an increasing number of Black men – from the competent, everyday brotha, to the Lil Wayne’s of the world – start lookin’ at the front door.

The choice is yours, ladies.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”, which comes out Summer 2020! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at GoGetFunding.com. Now, back to the article!

SYSBM BY THE NUMBERS
While no hard and fast numbers are, as far as I know as of this writing, available as to precisely how many Black American bros are heading out of country to find love, sex and feminine companionship, what we DO know in this year of the 2020 US Census, is the following:

1. At no point in documented American history, have Black women outpaced Black men insofar as interracial marriages are concerned

2. That there is a rate of interracial marriages of 2 to 1 of Black men to Black women since the landmark 1967 Loving v. Virgina US Supreme Court decision – with no sign of that abating anytime soon;

3. That Black American women continue to be the least partnered/married women in the country – indeed, proportionately speaking, “The Spinster Bubble” is largely made up of Black women;

4. That a full 30% of Black America’s best and brightest Black men are now dating and mating “out” – and the trend line is clearly pointing upwards heading into mid-21st century; and,

5. That there are nearly a half a million more Black men married than Black women – a fact that cuts against the well-worked narrative on these issues by Black women and their spokesmen/women, advocates and surrogates over the past nearly half a century;

And the beat goes on.

And if the whole of 2019 and most especially, the final few weeks of last year is anything to go by, ALL of the above is only likely to greatly increase. The trend line is undeniable here, something that even the most diehard “Pro-Black Woman” advocate is hard-pressed to ignore. The real questions are these:

1. What are Black women going to do about it?

2. What is the Pro-Black Crowd’s plan to care for these ladies as they move through their middle and later years?

These are questions that will be further examined in a future column, so stay tuned; in the meantime, Lil Wayne may just be the single biggest exemplar of the SYSBM/Passport Bros. movement it’s had yet! May he and his lady have much happiness!

Now adjourn your asses…

MOA

Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be book author. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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