There is a saying, ‘the man who hesitates and procrastinates for too long … usually loses out on great opportunities in the long run.’
I would say this is a long-standing adage that is generally valid. Question: What if we replace the term ‘man’ with ‘woman?’ Hmmm. Something to think about huh?
50-60+ years ago, the vast majority of women in society who were 36 years of age or older were married with at least two children.
Today? Many women in society who are between 36 and 59 years of age – particularly in the African-American community – have never been married, or are currently divorced (including a good number of women with one or more children).
The last time I visited a popular African-American online matchmaking website, BlackPeopleMeet.com, I observed only a small percentage of single women on the site between the age group 18-25, and a similar small number of (Black) women on the site looking for male companionship between the ages of 26-31.
The numbers begin to jump within the age group 32-37, but without question, the three age groups with the highest number of women are the 38-43 group, the 44-49 group, and the 50-55 group. There are even far more single women available in the 56-61 age group than there are in the 18-25 and 26-31 combined.
This is very telling.
HAS THE APPEAL OF WOMEN’S NON-SEXUAL COMPANIONSHIP DIMINISHED?
Among most heterosexual men, the appeal of a woman’s strictly sexual companionship will always remain fairly high, assuming the women have been blessed with a reasonably attractive face and have managed to keep their figure reasonably shapely.
The problem in today’s society is that a high percentage of eligible Bachelors have very little if any desire to spend a significant amount of time with middle-aged and older women when sexual enjoyment and orgasmic satisfaction are nowhere in the picture.
As one young brother who resides in a Chicago suburb said to me, “Alan, I have to keep it real … what motivation is there to spend time with a woman [non-sexually] when you know she has had multiple male sex companions by the time she is 35 or 40? No man wants to be ‘that guy.’ What I mean by ‘that guy’ is the guy who is forced to wait for weeks or months before a woman allows him to have sex with her for the first time, when you know in the back of your head that other men were able to have sex with this same woman within a few days or maybe even a few hours when this woman was younger.”
WOMEN ARE PLACING MORE EMPHASIS ON THEIR EDUCATION AND CAREER SUCCESS THAN THEY ARE MARRIAGE BETWEEN THE AGE OF 18 and 35
Next to women’s perceived promiscuity in the eyes of many men, another factor that has seemed to contribute to why many women are not married by the age of 36 is because many women themselves have placed a high degree of emphasis on higher education and career success in their younger years.
One sister, who is 39 years of age and in possession of an MBA degree who lives in Atlanta said in a recent conversation with me, “Alan, back in the day, many women could afford to be a stay-at-home-mother and traditional housewife because the way the (national) economy was, a two-parent family with two or three children could survive on just the man’s earned income. Today? Not even close. For even those couples who are married, both parents must work forty or more hours per week in order to maintain a decent lifestyle. I personally have been so engrossed with career advancement that I never took time to really invest in finding a soulmate, but now that I feel ready to settle down with Mr. Right, men are treating me as if I am too old for them … and I have not even reached my 40th birthday yet! It hurts Alan. It really hurts. Sometimes I feel like I am 60 at the age of 39.”
COUGARS vs. SUGAR DADDIES
One additional problem going on in society today is that not only do many men who are past the age of 40 have very little interest in dating women close to their own age (preferring instead to pursue women who are between roughly 25 and 35), but many women feel the same way when it comes to casual (non-relationship) sex with men, preferring to engage in no-strings-attached sex with men who are much younger.
One sister, who I know who resides in Manhattan, informed me that when it comes to spending time with men in a strictly sexual manner, her strong preference is for men who are 29 years of age or younger. Said this sister, “Alan, I believe I can speak for many of my girlfriends when I say this, and this is no offense to you being an older gentleman … but if I just want some fun in the bedroom, and nothing more serious than that, why would I want to waste time with a man who has to depend on Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra to maintain an erection? I want a young stud who is full of energy, full of virility, with a hard, toned body. Just about all my girlfriends who are over 40 feel the exact same way. We don’t mind being a ‘Sugar Mama’ to a young stud in the same way that most older men have no problem falling into the role of the ‘Sugar Daddy’ for young women who look like they just graduated from high school. I have no time for a man seeking to be my older ‘boy toy.’ I am only open to dating men close to my age if they are looking for something long-term. Something loving. Something serious.”
THE FUTURE OF MIDDLE AGE DATING
The outlook for Black Bachelors who are 36 years of age and older connecting romantically with single Black women who are 36 years of age and older does not look good at the moment. Older men want younger women with slender, shapely figures with no children out-of-wedlock. Older women want either older financially self-sufficient husbands, or younger virile casual sex lovers.
Unless Black men and Black women return to making marriage and the idea of raising a family a top priority while they are still between the ages of 24 and 29, or at minimum, between 30 and 35, very few middle-aged and older singles will be exchanging vows in the years to come.
Consequently, the traditional family structure – as we once knew it in the 20th Century – will die a slow and painful death.
Note: Columnist Alan Roger Currie will not have a published article posted on the following dates due to his travel schedule and/or vacation plans:
- Monday, October 2, 2017
- Monday, October 9, 2017
- Monday, October 16, 2017
- Monday, October 23, 2017
- Monday, November 27, 2017
- Monday, December 25, 2017
- Monday, January 1, 2018
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA). For more information, visit https://the21convention.org/arc