A big problem in Black male/female relationships is that Black women simply don’t believe in Black men. Point blank, bottom line. Black women say they want a “Good Black man,” but a real issue is that they don’t believe they will find one. Indeed many don’t believe that Good Black Men even exist. This is one of many elephants in the room when it comes to Black relationships.
I remember years ago I wrote an article that went viral before the days of social media. It was called “Successful Black Men and the Shortage of Good Black Women.” In the article I used the example of three Black men I said were fictional examples. Many women who read the article who disagreed with me said “successful Black men” didn’t exist anyway. Even though I used general examples they were all based on real life people. I took note that many Black women didn’t believe these men were real.
A more personal incident occurred when I was going for an advanced degree. I had already graduated college and I met a young lady. I told her my background and yet she didn’t believe I was in school. I had to show her an ID. She thought I was a drug dealer because I was wearing a sweat suit. Not even a name brand sweat suit! She didn’t believe a Black man would be going for an advanced degree. Really? Even though this woman would go on to be a doctor. Are you kidding me?
I’ve seen this many times over the years with other Black men who were doing something with their lives. Many have told me the same thing. I have so many stories of Black men who were doing something with their lives who had women doubt them and what they were doing. This is a very common story.
Many Black men work extremely hard to get a point of success in their lives. Often this path is a lonely one for many Black men. One of the issues is that these men lack support from the women they encounter. Sometimes women in their own families don’t believe in these men.
A major problem with Black women is that they expect the worst from Black men. They expect Black men to be trifling low life losers. They have developed ways to cope with these men. This is their reality. So when they meet men who are about something these women don’t know what to do.
Black women if they want better relationships with Black men need to simply start believing in Black men. Even if a black women doesn’t know a good or successful Black men personally there are literally thousands, yes thousands, of examples of Black men doing the right thing. Social media has thousands of examples. I see them on my Facebook timeline every time I log on. Even mainstream media has several examples. There are no excuses.
Black women have to start believing in Black men. There is no other way to do this.