I want to talk about the necessity of marriage in Africa and the dangers it poses on African men and women. Anger is not so bad as an emotion. It is good. It has the ability to produce two results: negative and positive. Anger must be controlled. That is when it can give you a positive result. If you leave it to run wild, it will bite you. You will be served what you don’t like. Yesterday, on a friend’s phone, I saw a gory picture of a man’s penis that was cut by his wife. They had a misunderstanding and it resulted into a physical fight. The lady took a knife and stabbed the guy’s manhood. There was blood gushing out. The penis was almost completely cut off. It was dangling like a mango on a tree. I imagined the pain that guy will be going through.
The lady would probably have killed him in anger if she had the opportunity. That is what anger can do in relationships. It will spoil many things if it is not controlled. The lady is probably behind the bars by now, that is if she hasn’t escaped. Relationship is not for people that are not matured. It is not for children. It is not for boys and girls. They will end up sending each other into untimely grave. It is not a bad thing to live alone if you can’t stand others. Don’t force yourself into what you can’t handle. Relationship is good. Marriage is good. Love is beautiful. It is people that are unreasonable. It is people that are bad and wicked and insensitive.
But, as good as marriage is, it is not meant for everybody. Some people were not created to be married. They were not cut out for it. Such people, if they force themselves into marriage and get married by force, will live their entire lives in sadness and bitterness and frustrations. I have seen a lot of African men and women die in marriage. Most of them didn’t die natural deaths. No. Their deaths came from the hands of their partners, from the hands of people who claimed to love them.
It is incredible how someone who claims to love you can be the cause of your death. It is incredible how they can be the thorn in your ass. It is saddening. I know that Africans love attachment. We love to own things. We love to own people, too. We like to claim ownership of people and things. And that is why there is a need for marriage. We need emotional security. We want people we can share our lives and troubles with. And then, we think of marriage.
Marriage is good for some and bad for some. The African society is making life difficult for Africans by overrating marriage. They make it look like you are not a human being if you are not married. That is why a lot of Africans strive to get married by all means. They don’t care getting married to the wrong person. They just have to please the society by getting married. They can kill themselves in marriage, nobody cares.
Emotional security is one aspect that women and men want in relationships. And when this security is being threatened, we change. We become monsters. We forget our promises to each other and bite each other like animals. Love, acceptance, respect, to be desired, security, passion, are all things a woman may want in her relationship. As a matter of fact, these are basics that probably everyone wants.
There are certainly others and each person has specific desires. But, sometimes we take things too far. When our expectations are not being met, we become animals and tear each other apart. Maybe some of us may need to look away from marriage. Maybe we can just have sex and enjoy ourselves without getting married. Maybe we can just have sex and have children without being married. Maybe. And maybe. I think it is not bad for Africans to communicate what they want when it comes to relationships. It will minimize our troubles.
I have heard about contract marriages and relationships. You’ll spell out what you both want in that relationship. You can be together for five years or ten years, depending on the agreement. Advanced countries do this. But Africans are rigid people. We hate change. And that is why some of us are killing ourselves in the name of love and marriage. So sad. The truth is that a lot of Africans will live fruitful and fulfilled lives as long as they are not married. Marriage is overrated in Africa. People should learn to go ahead and fuck and enjoy themselves and have children without necessarily getting married.