The Mode One Approach vs. Conventional Dating Advice (Part 2 of 2)

In Part 1 of this two-part series, I sought to answer the question, “Why does any man (or woman for that matter) need the advice and guidance of a professional Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, Sex Skills Coach, or Pickup Artist (PUA)?”  If you have not read Part 1, please do that first before continuing with this article.  Also, in this article, I will be referencing a few of my past articles that have been published right here on The Negro Manosphere.

The starting point of understanding male-female relationship dynamics is to understand that all social interactions between a (heterosexual) man and a woman are going to fall into three categories:

  1. A strictly sexual relationship between a man and a woman (i.e., what most people refer to as ‘casual sex lovers’ or ‘f-ck buddies’)
  2. A relationship between a man and a woman that does not involve any sort of physical interplay and/or sexual interplay (i.e., what most people refer to as a ‘platonic friendship’ or ‘business-only relationship)
  3. A relationship between a man and a woman where the couple spend time together over a period of weeks, months, or years for both sexual reasons and non-sexual reasons (i.e., what most people refer to as ‘marriage,’ ‘cohabitation,’ a ‘boyfriend-girlfriend relationship,’ ‘Friends-with-Benefits’ [FWB] arrangement, or simply a long-term ‘romantic’ relationship [LTR])

Now if ALL men and ALL women were 100% honest with each other regarding which of those three types of companionship they were genuinely seeking, then there would be no such thing as what is known as ‘manipulative head games.’   The reality is, most men and most women are NOT completely honest with members of the opposite sex about what specific type of companionship they are really looking for.

Example of a man engaging in ‘manipulative head games’ with a woman:

A man is seeking out a woman to be his next casual sex lover, but when he meets a woman who he assumes will have a negative reaction to his proposal to engage in one or more episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with her, he chooses to lie to this woman and mislead her into believing that he is open to enter into a long-term romantic relationship with her.  Then, later … after this woman has engaged in sexual activity with the man several times over a period of two or three weeks, this woman never hears from this man again.  No phone calls, no Email messages, nothing.  She finally concludes that this man never sincerely wanted to be in a long-term relationship with her, but all he wanted to do was engage in casual sex with her for a couple of weeks.  She got ‘played’ (i.e., she was a victim of ‘manipulative head games’).

Example of a woman engaging in ‘manipulative head games’ with a man:

A woman just broke up with her long-term boyfriend, and she still maintains strong emotional feelings for him.  For the time being, this woman seeks out a handful of men to spend time providing her with a much-needed boost to her ego and self-esteem, enjoyable and entertaining conversations, free movies and free meals, and an emotionally empathetic ‘listening ear’ whenever she chooses to vent about her disappointments, frustrations, and criticisms regarding her most recent ex-boyfriend.  Instead of telling these men upfront and straightforwardly that all she wants to do is accumulate ‘a small harem of purely platonic male friends’ to keep her company, she proceeds to give one or more of these men the misleading impression that she is open to possibly engaging in sexual activity with them at some point in the near or distant future.  After weeks or months of spending time with this woman, these men soon realize that she was simply using them as a ‘play brother’ and/or ‘male girlfriend,’ and she never had any genuine intentions of actually engaging in sex with any of these men.  These men got ‘played’ (i.e., they were all victims of ‘manipulative head games’).

If you are a woman reading this article, can you relate to the example of the woman getting played?

If you are a man reading this article, can you relate to the example of the men getting played?

THE PRIMARY BASIS FOR ‘THE MODE ONE APPROACH’

The first factor that contributed to me exhibiting behavior toward women that I would later categorize as ‘Mode One Behavior’ was when I first realized that many women in society are both sexually duplicitous and manipulative.  I quickly came to the conclusion that each woman that a man approaches and initiates a conversation with is generally going to fall into one of these four (4) categories:

  • Reciprocator
  • Rejecter
  • Wholesome Pretender / Erotic Hypocrite
  • Manipulative Timewaster

The quick gist of each:

Reciprocator:  This is a woman who will immediately and straightforwardly let a man know that she is very interested in sharing his company in a romantic or strictly sexual manner once the man expresses his sexual desires and interests to her.  The ‘catch’ is, the woman cannot reciprocate a man’s desires and interests if those desires and interests have not been expressed yet.  (hold on to that thought for later)

Rejecter:  This is a woman who will immediately and straightforwardly let a man know that she has absolutely no interest in sharing his company in a romantic or strictly sexual manner once the man expresses his sexual desires and interests to her.  Once again, the ‘catch’ is that the woman cannot reject a man’s desires and interests if the man keeps his true desires, interests, and intentions to himself (either temporarily or indefinitely.  Marinate on that for a few minutes).

Quick note:  Speaking of ‘manipulative head games,’ the two archetypes of women described above do not engage in such behavior.  These women HATE ‘head games,’ and they do not like to waste valuable time with unproductive social interactions with men.

Wholesome Pretender & Erotic Hypocrite:  This is a woman who will always PUBLICLY present a disingenuous façade to any man she meets that she is a ‘prude’ or ‘semi-prude,’ and that she will only engage in sex with men within the context of marriage or some other sort of long-term monogamous romantic relationship.  Deep down though, this woman is kinkier than meets the eye and she is also far more promiscuous and/or polyamorous than she initially wants any man to know.  Anytime this woman is propositioned by men to engage in one or more episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex, she is going to INITIALLY present a very ‘negative’ reaction to the proposition.  Sometimes, the negative reaction will be lighthearted (if more of a basic Wholesome Pretender) or other times the negative reaction will be harsher and more serious (if she is more of a pretentious and highly materialistic Erotic Hypocrite type).  Only a man who has mastered the seductive persistence of Mode One Verbal Seduction Skills will be able to break a woman like this down, and eventually expose her sexual duplicity and disingenuous facades.

Manipulative Timewaster:  Refer to the scenario that I described above in this article for the example of the woman who broke up with her boyfriend, and then sought out the platonic companionship of a handful of men.  The woman in that scenario is a prime example of a Manipulative Timewaster.  When a woman is a Manipulative Timewaster, this means that deep down, this woman really has no genuine interest in sharing a man’s company in any sort of romantic or strictly sexual manner.  The difference between a Manipulative Timewaster and a Rejecter is that women who are Timewasters do not like to be upfront and straightforwardly honest with men regarding their lack of sexual interest in them.  Why not?  Mainly for two reasons:  1) Manipulative Timewaster types love to accumulate a high number of ‘male girlfriends’ and/or ‘play brothers,’ especially when they are in-between romantic relationships;  2) Manipulative Timewaster types love free meals, free movie tickets, free concert tickets, and other short-term or long-term financial and non-financial favors from men.  These women realize that the only way to prevent themselves from being immediately ignored by men is to present these men with THE POSSIBILITY that these men MIGHT be able to have sex with them at some point in the future.

MODE ONE vs CONVENTIONAL DATING ADVICE & PUA TECHNIQUES

The number one problem with most conventional dating advice that is given to men, and even most teachings and instruction from the vast majority of Pickup Artists (PUAs) is that they generally tend to discount the presence of Wholesome Pretenders and Manipulative Timewasters.  Many Dating Coaches and PUAs tend to give men the misleading impression that just about every woman in society is either a Reciprocator or a Rejecter, and that simply is not the case.

Another thing is that many Dating Coaches and PUAs tend to encourage men to engage in a high degree of trivial, inconsequential, but flattering and entertaining ‘fluff talk,’ ‘chitchat,’ and ‘small talk.’  THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME.  Particularly when you are interacting with a woman who is a Rejecter or a Manipulative Timewaster.  You do not need to engage in 20 minutes, 30 minutes, or 45 minutes of ‘small talk’ with a woman simply to find out if she is a Rejecter or a Manipulative Timewaster.  I can usually identify a Rejecter or a Manipulative Timewaster within the first five minutes or less of my very first conversation with a woman.

Also, ‘small talk’ and ‘fluff talk’ delays a man’s ability to – or sometimes even fully prevents a man – from effectively identifying the women who are Reciprocators and Wholesome Pretenders / Erotic Hypocrites.  I find that many men I converse with tend to have the bad habit of ‘confusing’ a Manipulative Timewaster for being a Reciprocator (because of the seemingly ‘positive’ reactions they receive), and similarly, many men confuse a Wholesome Pretender / Erotic Hypocrite for being a Rejecter (because of the seemingly ‘negative’ reactions they receive).

If you do not remember anything else I tell you, remember this:  NOT ALL ‘POSITIVE’ REACTIONS FROM WOMEN WILL LEAD TO A MAN HAVING SEX WITH THESE WOMEN … and similarly, NOT ALL ‘NEGATIVE’ REACTIONS FROM WOMEN WILL PREVENT A MAN FROM HAVING SEX WITH THESE WOMEN.

I have experienced many ‘positive’ and ‘enthusiastic’ responses from women that in the long-run, led to nothing more than a platonic friendship.  Conversely, I have received a high number of harsh criticisms from women, personal insults from women, and generally ‘negative reactions’ from women … only to end up having sex with those same women who initially did nothing but criticize me and insult me.

MODE ONE vs MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way)

There are some elements of MGTOW that I respect, but for the most part, I am not a fan of the MGTOW philosophy across the board.  For clarification, from what I know, there are at least two general factions of MGTOW:

  • Some men who subscribe to the MGTOW philosophy go on to engage in ‘voluntary asexual’ behavior, and generally avoid socially interacting with women indefinitely;
  • Some men who subscribe to the MGTOW philosophy will engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous sex with women IF the woman suggests the idea and generally makes the first move, but otherwise, these men will avoid social interactions with women that center on marriage, long-term monogamous relationships in general, casual sex with women that involves spending a lot of money (e.g., professional Call Girls or upscale Erotic Escorts), or purely platonic friendships.

The one benefit of MGTOW is that a man will generally avoid socially interacting with women who are Rejecter types and Manipulative Timewaster types … so overall, that is a GOOD thing.

The drawback of maintaining a MGTOW mindset is that these men will miss out on potential opportunities to connect with the Reciprocator and Wholesome Pretender / Erotic Hypocrite types as well.

Personally, I am not some sort of ‘monk.’  My libido is still active and healthy.  Therefore, I would never choose to become voluntarily celibate and/or asexual.  That said, I do consider myself “Platonically MGTOW” (i.e., I avoid developing purely platonic friendships with women at all costs, except for business-related platonic relationships with women).

So, there you go.  If you are interested in my eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, please check them out.  Also, I offer Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Dating Coaching Sessions.

I appreciate all of you reading my articles.

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About Alan Roger Currie 44 Articles

Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller “Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking”; Currie is also a professional Men’s Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net

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  • Haywood Harling

    Moooooooooooode Ooooooooooone!

  • david

    I loved this 2 part series of yours Alan. Very helpful. In my opinion, you are the best dating coach in the world, with David X a close second Moooooode Ooooooone!

  • Kris kula

    I hate manipulative timewasters. I mean, I absolutely HATE THEM!!

  • Anderson Ault

    Alan, your books and audiobooks are just absolutely fantastic. I will recommend them to all of my friends!

  • Fredrick

    Sometimes I confuse erotic hypocrites for rejecters, but you have made me realize where I go wrong. Thank you Alan

  • Robert

    Your articles are so well-written. Love reading them. Keep up the good work! #ModeOne

  • hami akram

    Alan, do you do one-on-one coaching sessions internationally? Do you travel to meet with clients internationally?

  • jonathan

    i’ve listened to your audiobook “oooooh … say it again” like five times that audiobook is awesome

  • Cleophis

    mode one is a worldwide phenomenon!!! mooooooooode ooooooooooone baby!!

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  • Robert Townsend

    Good work.

  • I respect the mode one approach for the main reaons that it is a fundementally honest way to date. If you can master your issues with rejection the mode one apporach is dman near unbeatable. The problem is that most men especially coming up in there twenties and if they are not select men are not able to handle rejection well due to issue when they were younger and dealing wih women. Dudes hold on to that shit alot and rejection is never truely contextualized in main stream dating circles and that includes pua’s.

    That is one of the greatest values of mode one. It irequired reading now matter where you are in the dating game.