When a Woman Asks if You Two Can Sit Out, Who Pays the Bill?
I went through a Facebook update by an acquaintance based in the United States, he was curious about who pays the bills when it was a woman who made the call to hangout. Should the man pay out of courtesy or since we are in this together, the woman can as well pay the bill? Should the payer be the one who made the call or the one has a penis?
I strongly believe in understanding – especially when it concerns adults in relationship or whatever. When two adults understand each other and the reason for a hangout, it would be clear what should happen, for the adults would fix their own mess. It is usually uncool to assume that a man has money simply because he agreed to step out for a date or simply because he is a man, and providence gave him money because he would have these kinds of situation to deal with as a man.
If a friend – sexually related or not, who is traumatized calls you for a hangout and you have sensed that it is not anything that has emotions attached to it, the friend wants to chat and get help, the awareness that this friend may need whatsoever form of kindness you would render would give this friend not just a shoulder but a pillar of support – isn’t friendship supposed to be for this purpose, when one is down and the other pulls his friend up? When such friend requests for a hangout and it has been sensed that it is not a date, you are expected to be nice. However, when a lady is bored and calls because your phone number exists in her phone and because you are polite and agrees to hangout with her, should you still make the payment? Would you be sending any signal if you do not take up the bills? Do you owe this friend that much? I would say no. Do not pay for anything, except you are Santa.
I am usually clear on the kind of outing I make and I prepare myself. If I were to invite a lady for a date, I would be the one to take responsibilities, for I have called another adult from her house and has requested we meet, on my terms, for discussion or whatever two adults do. I would be the one to understand that I must take care of this fellow. And too, based on my credit, I would also try and call her to order when items seem to be exceeding my budget. I would not feel shame if I spoke up because I do not want to be broke because I wanted to hangout with anyone. If I discover that she has ordered more than I budgeted and I can afford it, it may either be the end of dates for us. I would let her understand my position but if she takes it for granted, it would be grand disappointment.
Everyone is important. Man and woman. Everyone deserves to be treated nicely. It is fair that we do not take advantage of each other. If you are fixing a date, fix your pockets too, so there would not be misunderstanding. Adults take care of their own responsibilities or at least share it and do not put anyone in uncomfortable situations.
In Nigeria, a girl on a date assumes that you were born to take care of bills!!!!!!!!
When they agree to go on dates with you, they see a problem solver. They see the one who had been designed to end their miseries and lead them into eternal bliss. But life is not like that. Anyone could be suffering and it would be wrong for anyone to heap expectations and unnecessary burden on the head of an innocent man who just wanted a date. Some people draw up items – a list of wants; from rent to treatment of sick relatives, to the challenge of school fees and much more. Dates should be for adults who have something more cool to share and not opportunities for burdens to be passed around.
I personally believe that anyone who has a job should understand that they should be considerate with others, irrespective of gender. Where you are confused about certain payments, ask questions for clarification. Where you are tempted to ask for a bottle of champagne, whisper to your friend. Even when two male friends hangout, there should also be the clarity of purpose and understanding of the sponsor.
Bura-Bari Nwilo is a fiction writer and photo enthusiast. He is the author of A Tiny Place Called Happiness – a book of short stories. He lives in Port Harcourt, Nigeria.