No Country For Bad Black Men: Why Black Men Must Have Standards For Each Other

The New Year is the perfect time for Black men to get some standards for themselves and each other

“A man gotta have a code.”
-Omar Little, “The Wire”

While I was down in Atlanta, GA for the first ever Black Manosphere Meetup last month, I had a chance to peep in on my social media and do a bit of catching up on my email while relaxing in my penthouse suite in between event-related duties. One of the things that popped on my social media feed, was the one and only Mr. Derrick Jaxn, now confirmed Select Fuckboy par excellence, serial adulterer and malignant narcissist.

And that’s just for starters.

Mr. Jaxn appears to be attempting to rehabilitate his tattered image in light of his multitudinous perfidy being exposed to the light of day by way of YouTube gossip maven Ms. Tasha K. – but it appears that with the Black Manosphere breathing down his neck and the rise of “Saint Kevin” Samuels overshadowing Jaxn’s dominance of social media in the past year, Jaxn is attempting to appeal to a new audience:

Black men.

Calling himself countering Samuels’ discourses on “high value men” Jaxn’s weak retort is to respond with what he calls an “evolved man” (which is truly ironic, considering the source – numerous counts of adultery is hardly “evolved male” behavior) and seems to have created tentpole content around this idea. While he has definitely taken a hit on YouTube, the Black Manosphere’s and Samuels’ stronghold since last year, Jaxn continues to enjoy a comfy following on Facebook, where Black women are in attendance in much larger numbers. Black men are there as well.

Over the New Year’s Day weekend, I encountered a brother in one of Facebook’s many discussion forums sharing one of Jaxn’s latest posts; when I confronted him about the fact that Jaxn is truly a POS of a man and counted the ways, this brother attempted to give Jaxn some measure of daylight. What resulted was a discussion that forms the basis of today’s column.

While Jaxn is what sparked it all, it must be understood that what I write here is as much about the principle as it is about the particular person who inspired it. For far too long we – and by “we” I mean the Non-Select Brothers – have allowed the likes of Black men like Jaxn and his ilk run roughshod not just all over us, but the whole of Black America, leaving unmitigated damage and carnage in their wake for us to “clean up”.

So be it.

Since it is the New Year, it is the perfect time to make a fresh start of things: And one of the most important is the need for Black men writ large and the Non-Select Brothers among us, to start setting some standards. Yes, it is very important for us to set standards for the ladies in our lives; but without standards for ourselves and each other, standards for the lovely ladies will mean precious little. And the apparent resurgent efforts of Mr. Jaxn gives us the perfect opportunity to get our collective act together.

So, let’s get to it.

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My friendly interlocutor brother’s first retort to my protesting of his reposting Jaxn’s drivel on the forum over the weekend, as I mentioned above, was that he “couldn’t knock the guy” because “he wasn’t perfect himself” and that Jaxn was posting some really good questions and content, and that we should not attempt to shoot the messenger but deal with the message instead.

I called Bullshit on both, citing the fact that Jaxn is no garden variety, “average at best” man, but indeed ticks off many (but by no means all, thank God) of Samuels’ high value man list: He’s accomplished, successful and downright famous (or infamous would be better to say today). Aside from that, Jaxn possesses a pro-athlete’s body at 6’5″ and leading man looks to boot – a dangerously tempting combination for the lovely ladies who flock to his crap like proverbial catnip.

Moreover, I noted to my brother online that while one could debate the usual knuckleheaded behaviors of the rank and file Black man, Jaxn’s misdeeds are orders of magnitudes worse; let’s count the ways, shall we?

1. Jaxn occupied a position of power and authority, by presiding over some five million followers on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram, being a bestselling published author of nearly a dozen books and a self-styled “self-love ambassador” and de facto Black Love expert, at his height in the summer of 2019, which set the stage for what would come next, which is…

2. His abuse of that position of authority on all the above points/counts; remember, said abuse of power on the part of powerful men was at the heart of the #MeToo movement that was still very much a thing in the summer of 2019. No, I am not saying that Jaxn was sexually assaulting or harassing anyone; but what I AM saying is that it was undeniable that his position of power and authority greatly aided and abetted his fuckery tenfold from where it would be if he were the proverbial “everyday brotha”.

3. He presented himself to the world and the lovely ladies in particular as a single man about town when in truth he’d been married to his wife, Da’Naia Jackson, who was before that his college sweetheart at Tuskeegee University. In fact, during his tour stop here in Philly back in the spring of 2019, I learned well after the fact by an insider that I will not name, that his wife was actually in attendance – manning one of his merchandise tables! Treating his WIFE like little more than the hired help, while he prances around like a proud peacock, which I can personally attest to because I personally witnessed him do it? What a piece of work!

4. As Tasha K.’s researches have unearthed, Jaxn has repeatedly cheated on his wife, up to and including bedding one of his paramours in the marital bed while his wife was visiting her mother out of state(!). Ugh.

5. Jaxn attempted to use his long suffering wife as a shield while being forced by Tasha K. to man up and take responsibility for his actions – which was a universal flop and rightly so. But what he did prove in so doing is just how malignantly narcissistic he truly is (“Derrick Jaxn “Apologizes” For Cheating On His Wife, Blames Relationship With God”, The Breakfast Club, YouTube, Mar 24, 2021; “Derrick Jaxn: Narcissists ALWAYS do THIS.”, The Body Language Guy, YouTube, Mar 26, 2021)

6. And finally, Jaxn is a Hypocrite of the First Order, throwing scores of Black men under the bus in the service of pandering to Black women’s increasing delusional behavior and lining his own pockets to finance his illicit pumps. Sheesh, you cannot make this stuff up.

Need I say more? The preponderance of the evidence is truly overwhelming, isn’t it?

All of which only goes to show and prove how and why the last person Black men anywhere need to be giving any promotional airtime whatsoever to, is Derrick Jaxn – and worse, doing so in any way, shape or form, only sends out severely mixed signals to Black women and indeed the rest of the world, because what we’re saying ultimately, is that we’re OK with what Derrick has done.

Not a good look, no matter how you slice it.

“But wait, Obsidian”, some of you may ask: “Derrick Jaxn is still one of us – he’s still a Black man!” And my response is, “Oh, really?”. OK, we’re supposed to welcome him back into the fold because “He Black, you Black, we Black, our mama Black”? I don’t think so. Not only didn’t Jaxn even try to apologize to Black men he has yet to sit down with any Black man social media personality IN THE BLACK MANOSPHERE to atone for his sins. Until that great getting up morning happens, Jaxn can and should rightly be Persona Non Grata to all of us.

Again, I cannot emphasize the point enough, that not only are Black women writ large highly susceptible to high-functioning malignant narcissists like Jaxn, but they are also very susceptible to social media messaging and cultural cues and look to Black men for both more often than we’re willing to admit. We have got to use Jaxn as a testbed of just how we are using social media to communicate with each other and what messages are we sending, spoken and otherwise, because Black women ARE watching.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Haven’t you heard? The wait is over, and it’s official – “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman” has finally arrived and is NOW available at BookBaby, Amazon and wherever fine books are sold – get your copy NOW!!! Better yet, get your personally autographed copy – CLICK HERE for more details! OK, let’s get back to the article!

Hearing this, my brother interlocutor responded by asking aloud as to whether it would make a difference insofar as the Black womenfolk were concerned; whether they would “listen to us”. To be honest, I don’t know; I suspect there will be a percentage, whatever that number actually is, of Black women for whom nothing we do will sway them one way or another. This is a highly disagreeable and willful lot; they will do as they please, and everything else be damned.

But even with this being the case, I said to my brother online, in the end it’s not about what Black women do or don’t do; it’s about we Black men do or don’t do. And do we really want to keep giving tacit and explicit cover for the Derrick Jaxns of the world to remain in our midst? If so, what does that say about us? What kind of Black men are we?

It is completely understandable to look at the state of Black America today in early 2022 – at the state of Black male and female relations in particular – and to want to throw in the towel. There’s no two ways about it, things are bad, and they are bad in large part due to Black men like Jaxn. Some will argue that taking a stand for what’s right is a day late and a dollar short; I say that the late great Martin Luther King, Jr. had it right when he famously said, that “the time is always right, to do what is right”.

And let’s get right to the bottomline here: It may very well be true that Black women will continue to rock on with men of Jaxn’s ilk, if not himself personally; as said above, while he has taken a considerable hit on YouTube in the way of a loss of followers, this hasn’t happened on Facebook and Instagram, where Black women are in much higher numbers as active users and followers.

But, so what? Black men have got to show and prove that we take holy vows very seriously, even if they ultimately don’t; after all, this should not come as any great shock because readers of this column know and know well that Black men want and actually do get married more than Black women do, right? Both National Public Radio and bear these facts out which I have posted the links to time and again in this column, so our taking an unabashed, full-throated stand in the public square against the marital cheaters and serial adulterers in our midst like Derrick Jaxn, can and will send an unambiguous message far and wide, that we brothers will give no quarter, aiding and comfort, succor, or allies to Jaxn and his ilk – in short, we will show and prove that men like Jaxn will be Men Without A Country – ANYTHING less, and we WILL be perpetuating the Old Boys’ Bro Code…

Black women may indeed play fast and loose with the holy bonds of matrimony – we, do not…

Is that clear?

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Haven’t you heard? The wait is over, and it’s official – “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman” has finally arrived and is NOW available at BookBaby, Amazon and wherever fine books are sold – get your copy NOW!!! Better yet, get your personally autographed copy – CLICK HERE for more details! OK, let’s get back to the article!

Seeing that he was running out of rhetorical running room, my brother interlocutor concedes my points and finally asks what do I recommend be done; I had a ready answer waiting in the wings and responded with elation and saying that I was hoping he would pose the question. I repost, almost word for word, my correctives for all Black men to follow, below:

1. PUBLICLY DENOUNCE AND DISTANCE OURSELVES FROM ANY BLACK MAN WHO CHEATS ON HIS WIFE. Make no bones about it. Make it plain, clear and so easy that a dog could understand it. Simply put, the time has come for Black men and Non-Select Brothers in particular, to make our position bright and clear on this point, that we will not tolerate, nor apologize for, Black men who cheat on their wives in our ranks. They have wrought enough havoc on the Black body politic over the past few decades. It’s time to take a stand.

2. DO NOT SUPPORT ANYTHING A KNOWN ADULTERER DOES: That means, his social media, products, goods and services. As noted above, we simply cannot be seen to be giving any form of aid and comfort to such Black men. That might sound harsh, but so is the utterly humiliating embarrassment, disrespect and out and out selfishness these Black men visit onto their wives. Are we really OK with supporting that kind of behavior? I surely hope not.

3. RAIN DOWN HOT COALS OF CONTEMPT FOR ANY BLACK WOMAN WHO ATTEMPTS TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR BLACK MEN WHO CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES: We may not be able to control what Black women do, but we are surely in control of how we respond to it. Make it clear and plain that Black women who either explicitly or tacitly approve of Black men like Jaxn in light of his serial adultery and fuckboyism will get no quarter with us either; that we will brand them with the proverbial scarlet letter in digital form; and we will see to it that every Black man of good name will know who such females are so as to steer them a wide berth. There are plenty of single Black men these ladies can bat their eyes at, they need to be ashamed of themselves for doing so at another Black woman’s husband. We’re here to help.

4. DO THE SAME FOR BLACK MEN WHO ATTEMPT TO JUSTIFY BLACK MEN WHO CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES: As noted above, the time is long past due that we end this so-called “Bro Code” for it has done nothing good for Black men and women and for Black America as a whole. Infidelity is a major source of strife and discord and has ruined many, many Black American lives. As I said about the sisters, I say the same about the brothers: We need to shun and shame Black men who attempt to justify or rationalize away the behaviors of Black men like Jaxn big and small. We need to ostracize them, lambaste them, clown them, mock them; we need to ridicule them, roast them, toast them and denounce them. Nowhere in the known universe are there more single women than in Black America, there is no good reason to be cheering on another Black man tailing another Black man’s wife, or rationalizing why a married Black man needs to be stepping out on his wife. Such a Black man needs to be taken round back of the building and have his ass beat.

Let’s kickoff the new year right but making it so uncomfortable for Derrick Jaxn that no other Black man will want to be in his place, shall we?

2022 will be a great year indeed, if we did just that.

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, commentator, newly minted dating coach and author of “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”. You can catch his daily live shows on YouTube & Mixlr, as well as his dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. One of the “Three Kings” of the Black Manosphere, Mr. Ali has contributed to the creation and development of Black Male Media. Follow him on Instagram at @ObsidianRadio. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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