The world is not straight. So you must be smart, not stupid and understand the many corners and turns of life to walk it freely.
So my friend had been with this girl for six months and she had spent several weekends in his house.
On that weekend, we were at a bar drinking and enjoying the music that was playing. There were many beautiful ladies, ladies whose looks and figures were pleasing to the eyes all over the place.
There was this slim girl with great hindsight that caught the attention of my friend and he was trailing her with his eyes. So I told him: ‘man face your drink, you have got your woman at home. This one doesn’t stand a chance with her. Perhaps you may consider taking an extra Stout’. He laughed at the suggestion of an extra stout.
‘Guy if I told you we have not had anything together, you won’t believe it’. Sounded like a joke to me.
‘That is ridiculous, you can’t say you have not had anything together. Remember that evening I came to your house and took you about 10 minutes before you opened the door? I came in and I knew what was happening. You just had serious prayer session.
‘Man, you don’t get it, not like that, of course we cuddle, do things together but…’ He refilled his empty cup. ‘We do all sort of things together but we have not had sex. It is not easy man’.
‘Oh, I get it. I understand you’.
I knew he was not happy with the situation and was looking for an advice from me. I had previously advised him on a relationship matter which worked perfectly well for him. I knew I couldn’t disappoint him.
I got a good perspective of the issue from his responses to my questions. It was a case of sexual selfishness. Many guys face this kind of situation but don’t know how to handle it. Some make foolish mistake in this process. I call them weak minds.
My friend loved her enough to endure the pain all this while but was getting frustrated.
Only three important things are needed: patience, discipline and self-control. ‘wa ni lati #faraburukubale gan ni o’ (You will need to be calm and rational). I told him.
‘Your babe is getting satisfaction from all the cuddling and what have you that you are doing. She might have her reason for not giving you the satisfaction you want but with all those stuff you are doing, she is at least okay. She can do without having sex with you. So you have to stop’. I told him.
‘When you get home tonight, be your usual self with her. Let your fingers go on holiday today. When you are on the bed tell her sweet stories. When she comes close, hold her close and plant kisses on her lips. Kiss her briefly and stop, of course she will want more. She will be surprised as that reaction will be new to her. Hold her close and tell her you don’t want to be aroused. I am certain she will want you to cuddle still. Kiss her longer this time, don’t touch her beyond her neck and head, then stop. No more. No matter what she does, don’t give in. Tell her you feel uncomfortable when you make out and you don’t get to have sex. Maintain your stand.
We finished our drink and left the bar.
The next day he chatted me up on WhatsApp. He told me of the struggles and how he maintained his stand. Told me his girlfriend accused him of seeing another girl. They slept angry without resolving the issue. He said she has been giving him attitude since they woke up.
I told him to get prepared for the next phase.
‘Take note of the timing. When it is around 4pm apologise to her, tell her you are sorry for making her feel bad. The timing is important because you are taking her out before 6pm and she must have forgiven you and also see the outing as making up for what you did. Take her to a nice place and give her a nice treat. Make physical contact as much as you can while out there. When it is dark you can find your way home. Now your fingers need to come back from their holiday. When you are making out and do what you do and you have employed the service of your fingers. Just when you notice she is feeling it, stop. She may hate you for that. Say No, and let No be No. Tell her you are okay. She will at that moment feel what you feel. Tell her you can’t continue as you are getting too aroused and not having sex will make you feel uncomfortable. Tell her you just want to sleep now. No matter what she does or says do not continue. That is the second phase. Ensure you do as I say’.
The next day I chatted him up to know how it went so I can tell him what to do in the next phase.
My friend sent me emojis . ‘What is that man’ I asked. He said they had sex and they are cool. That was fast. Just the second phase out of 7 phases.
‘So tell me, how did it go’
‘Oga na long story o. The stuff work die’
‘Good, so how e go, how did it go, what happened’
‘Just as you said. It worked’. He said aptly.
I didn’t know why he didn’t want to give me the details of what happened and it is needed for study purpose.
I went to his house and made him tell me what he did, her reactions and how she agreed. I also asked for her reaction after the sex.
I wished them good luck in their relationship.