Online Dating: The Term “Single & Looking” is Invalid Today

Between approximately 1998 and 2008, many single heterosexual men were excited at the prospect of potentially meeting their next long-term girlfriend and/or future wife via various online matchmaking sites, but the appeal of online dating has diminished significantly over the last five-to-ten years

The first year I became familiar with the concept of online matchmaking websites, otherwise known as “online dating,”  was 1998.  I had an Email account with the provider AOL.com, and for AOL members, they had a bonus feature titled Love@AOL.

Over the years, I have known some men to meet women via online matchmaking websites for short-term non-monogamous sex, short-term monogamous sex, long-term non-monogamous sex, and long-term monogamous sex (even including marriage).

Unlike approaching women face-to-face during the course of your everyday life, the on-paper advantage that online dating is supposed to be that all of the women you come in contact with should fall under the category of “single and looking (for a companion).”

The key words above are:  “supposed to be.”

THE TERM ‘SINGLE AND LOOKING’ DOES NOT MEAN THE SAME AS IT ONCE DID

There was a time when a woman informed a man that she was “single and unattached,” this usually meant that the woman was 1) not married and 2) not involved with any man in a romantic or strictly sexual manner.  In the 21st Century, this is no longer the case.  Particular as it relates to assumption #2.

In addition to using Love@AOL off-and-on between 1998 and 2002, I have also been an off-and-on member of AdultFriendFinder.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com, and Match.com beginning with 2003 to present day.

Below would be my Top 3 criticisms of using many of the online dating sites (particularly, if you are a man who is seeking your next long-term girlfriend and/or future wife … as opposed to just your next casual sex lover).

ONLINE DATING CRITICISM #3:  MANY OF THE WOMEN’S PROFILES ARE “FAKE”

Even though all of the online matchmaking websites would publicly deny this, a good percentage of the profiles you come across online are fake.  How can you tell if a profile is fake?

1)    The woman’s photo is way too gorgeous to be using an online dating site or dating app.  I am talking, movie star type gorgeous or Victoria’s Secret lingerie model type gorgeous.  No woman who is a “9” on a 1-10 scale or a “10” on a 1-10 scale would ever need to use a dating app or online matchmaking service to find a long-term romantic companion or future husband unless she is living on some remote island by herself somewhere

2)    The woman initiates an inbox conversation with you, but when you reply to her message, you never hear from her again.  Why would a woman take the time to reach out to you first if she has no interest in carrying the conversation further?  Doesn’t make sense.

3)    The woman sends you messages that have nothing to do with you two getting together.  For example, “Do you enjoy eating bananas? I surely do!” or “I always wanted to visit Paris, France … and my girlfriend and I are going there in two weeks! I am so excited!”  Uhm … who gives a fuck?

ONLINE DATING CRITICISM #2:  MOST OF THE WOMEN WHO USE ONLINE DATING ARE DIVORCED and/or HAVE CHILDREN

I will reference two previous articles of mine related to this criticism:

Article #1 – 36 and Older: The Number of Lonely Black Women Will Only Increase

Article #2 – Mumia Obsidian Ali: Black Women Over 35 are ‘Burnt Pies’

If you are a man who is divorced yourself, and you have one or more children, then this factor should be no major problem for you.  On the other hand, if you are a man who has never been married and you have no children, you will find yourself feeling a bit frustrated that you cannot seem to connect with a woman who is young, has never been married, and has never given birth to any children.

ONLINE DATING CRITICISM #1:  THE VAST MAJORITY OF THE (MORE ATTRACTIVE) WOMEN WHO USE DATING APPS and ONLINE DATING SITES ARE NOT REALLY LOOKING FOR A SEXUAL LOVER … BUT RATHER, THEY ARE PRIMARILY LOOKING FOR A ‘PLATONIC BOYFRIEND’ and/or a ‘PLATONIC HUSBAND’

Many women who claim they are ‘single and looking’ are not really single, and they are only looking for a man to spend money on them and provide them with non-sexual time, attention, and companionship.  When it comes to strictly sexual enjoyment and satisfaction, many women who have a dating app profile (such as a profile on the popular dating app Tinder) and/or an online dating app profile (such as a profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com) are already exchanging orgasms with at least one regular, semi-regular, or occasional casual sex lover (i.e., “fuck buddy”), and some of the women have confessed to me that they currently have two or more fuck buddies.

Even many of the women who are not sexually active have confessed to me that their desire to engage in regular sexual activities with a prospective partner is anywhere from below average to damn near non-existent.  Many of these women are essentially looking for a man to spend time with them primarily in a non-sexual manner.  What I often refer to as a “platonic boyfriend” and “platonic husband.”

MY FINAL RECOMMENDATION

I would be wary of most of the dating apps and online dating websites that charge an expensive subscription fee.  If the dating app or online dating site is FREE, or at minimum, it is extremely inexpensive, go ahead and try it out for 60-90 days and see what happens.

Otherwise, I would stick to meeting women face-to-face during your normal day-to-day, week-to-week activities.

Note: Columnist Alan Roger Currie will not have a published article posted on the following dates due to his travel schedule and/or vacation plans:

  • Monday, October 15, 2018
  • Monday, October 22, 2018
  • Monday, November 26, 2018
  • Monday, December 24, 2018
  • Monday, December 31, 2018

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and will be a featured speaker again this year in October in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE

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About Alan Roger Currie 78 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net