With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, many men and women may naïvely believe that any couple they see are “happily married” and/or “truly in love with one another.” Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.
If you were to read a book entitled, Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Author Stephanie Coontz, you will realize that initially, the concept of marriage – and particularly, monogamous marriages – had very little to do with the concept of “true love” or “long-term romance.”
According to Coontz’ book, the primary motivation for marriage fell into one or more of these three categories:
- A strong desire by a woman’s father (or step-father) to find his daughter a husband who could take care of his daughter financially to lighten his own financial burdens, and so his daughter could produce one or more grandsons (particularly if his wife never gave birth to a son);
- In the case of death, a man (or woman) could have someone specific to transfer his (or her) material assets, owned real estate properties, and overall wealth to after the husband or wife passed away;
- Before the days of the blood test and DNA test, monogamous marriages were the closest thing to “guaranteeing” a man that his son(s) and/or daughter(s) were actually his, and not biologically fathered by another man
To put it in simpler terms, the three primary motivations for monogamous marriages were a) money, b) material assets & property, and c) ownership of a woman’s vagina and womb. The idea of “true love” or “romantic passion” or “genuine sexual lust” was nowhere in the picture.
As I pointed out in my book, The Beta Male Revolution,
the appeal of monogamous marriage and strictly monogamous long-term romantic
relationships has dropped severely over the last fifteen to twenty years. In today’s society, both men and women are seeking
more “alternative” relationships to the traditional marriage and relationships
of the past.
I want to examine a few relationships – or what many refer to as “arrangements” – that beg the question, “What does LOVE have to do with anything?”
THE MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE or RELATIONSHIP OF CONVENIENCE
Many times, a man and a woman will enter into a long-term relationship or marriage knowing ahead of time that there is no sense of genuine ‘romantic passion’ or insatiable sexual lust between them. What usually brings them together is either a mutual desire to raise children together, an informal financial agreement, or a relationship or marriage that has been created for “public appearance” purposes.
A PLATONIC ‘CO-PARENTING UNION’
Sometimes a man and a woman will get married, or at least remain married, simply because they want their children to grow up in a two-parent household. The man and woman involved could be purely platonic friends … or even more so, the man could be Gay or bisexual and the woman could be a Lesbian or bisexual … but they enter into a long-term relationship or marriage primarily for the purpose of raising their children together. When your spouse or long-term companion is of a different sexual preference than you, this person is known as a “beard.”
A NON-INTIMATE PLATONIC MARRIAGE or LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP
For most men and women, the term “platonic” and “marriage” do not
belong in the same sentence. Same with
the words “platonic” and “long-term relationship.” To many people’s surprise, there are some men
and women who knowingly enter into a purely platonic marriage or purely
platonic long-term relationship.
This type of relationship or marriage is similar to the ‘Co-Parenting Union,’ with the only difference being that there are no children involved. The couple genuinely enjoys each other’s non-sexual companionship and time spent together, but sadly, the man and woman involved simply have no sexual chemistry with each other whatsoever.
HOTWIFE-CUCKOLD or HUSBAND-SLUT WIFE RELATIONSHIPS
If anyone is familiar with both the BDSM Lifestyle (i.e., Erotic Domination and Erotic Submission)
and/or the Polyamory Lifestyle (i.e., long-term, emotionally profound,
non-monogamous relationships and marriages), then you will probably be
familiar with at least two types of relationships that are more purely sexual
in nature than loving or romantic.
One such relationship is known as the “Bull-Hotwife-Cuckold” arrangement. In this arrangement, the woman’s husband, fiancé, or long-term romantic companion is her obedient, subservient, masochistic, voyeuristic, and financially generous “cuckold.”
The woman engages in sexual intercourse with one or more other lovers who are either better looking than her spouse or companion, kinkier and more erotically dominant than her spouse or companion, and/or more well-endowed (i.e., a longer or thicker penis) than her spouse or companion. These men are known as “Bulls.”
A similar, but at the same time, different BDSM / Polyamorous relationship is one known as a “Husband-Slut Wife” arrangement, which is a variation of “swinging” and “couple-swapping.” In this arrangement, the husband involved is much more erotically dominant than a BDSM cuckold, yet he still enjoys watching his wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend get sexually pleasured and satisfied by other men right in front of him.
SUGAR DADDY-SUGAR BABY or SUGAR MAMA-KEPT MAN ARRANGEMENTS
The Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby arrangement might be arguably the oldest form of a “relationship of convenience” or “marriage of convenience.” Years later, beginning with the 1960s and beyond, a similar variation of this relationship began to emerge known as the Sugar Mama-Kept Man arrangement. If anyone has watched some of my YouTube video podcasts, you already know that I myself have been a woman’s “kept man” at least twice in my adult life while living in Los Angeles in the 1990s.
In blunt terms, a woman who is a “Sugar Baby” is essentially the same thing as a long-term professional Call Girl or upscale Erotic Escort. In most cities, counties, and states in the United States as well as in many cities and regions of other countries, offering women money directly in exchange for their (short-term) sexual companionship is considered illegal. This is known as “solicitation for prostitution” or in more slang terms, trickin’.
What makes a Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby arrangement legal is that the man never offers women money directly in exchange for their sexual companionship. Instead, the man offers women money and financial favors indirectly by doing things such as paying a woman’s rent or mortgage, paying most or all her utility bills and other monthly expenses, paying her car payment and auto insurance expenses, and/or he regularly treats her to free movies, free concerts, and free travel. In exchange for the Sugar Daddy’s financial generosity, the Sugar Baby ‘rewards’ her Sugar Daddy with regular, semi-regular, or occasional access to her sexual companionship.
Most women who are Sugar Babies usually maintain non-monogamous arrangements with their Sugar Daddies, unless the Sugar Daddy pays them extra to become their monogamous gold-digging wife and mother to their children. Rare exceptions aside, the Sugar Baby is usually at least ten years younger than her Sugar Daddy, and in some cases, a woman’s Sugar Daddy might be as much as fifty or sixty years older than his Sugar Baby. A prime example would be Playboy Magazine Founder Hugh Hefner. Beginning with the age of 60 up until his mid-to-late eighties, Hefner regularly maintained the companionship of one or more Sugar Babies who were between the ages of 21 and 35.
Same scenario with a Sugar Mama-Kept Man arrangement. In this scenario, the Kept Man is usually at least five years younger than his Sugar Mama, and the Sugar Mama pays a portion of the man’s rent or mortgage, his car note, his clothing expenses and his monthly living expenses in exchange for sexual enjoyment and sexual satisfaction with her Kept Man on a regular, semi-regular, or occasional basis. Three celebrity examples of women who have operated in the role of Sugar Mama would be Kris Jenner, Jennifer Lopez and Kenya Moore.
TOTALLY CONTRIVED ‘CELEBRITY MARRIAGES’ and ‘CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIPS’
Many times, a politician, an Entertainment Industry
celebrity, or a professional athlete will not marry someone or enter into a
long-term relationship with someone because they are genuinely “in love” with
that person and have strong emotional feelings for them.
Many times, these marriages and relationships are created by their managers, their public relations team, and other people who are influential in their decision-making as far as their career goes.
For example, if a man is running for governor, for senator, or for president, many men and women are reluctant to vote for a man who is a confirmed bachelor or a man who is bisexual or Gay. Consequently, many men who are politicians will enter into a marriage or long-term relationship with a woman who they feel will help their chances of winning their election.
A similar scenario happens many times with Media & Entertainment Industry celebrities and professional athletes. For many celebrity actors, actresses, athletes, and media personalities, having a spouse or long-term romantic companion enhances their popularity with their demographic audience, and it contributes to them maintaining a more “innocent and wholesome” type image and reputation.
IS “TRUE LOVE” THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN A LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP or MARRIAGE?
Contrary to what a lot of men want to believe, the
concept of “true love,” “romantic passion,” and/or genuine “sexual lust” does
not always guarantee that a man and a woman will remain together indefinitely
Sometimes, a “marriage of convenience” or “long-term relationship of convenience” can last just as long, if not longer, than many of your “traditional” or “old fashioned” type relationships that are totally predicated on the idea and notion of “true love.”
It really just comes down to honest communication. What do you want out of the relationship more than anything else? What does your spouse or companion value the most? What objectives are mutually beneficial for you both?
Create your own relationships. Seek any type of long-term relationship that will be enjoyable, satisfying, and give you peace of mind.
Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and was a featured speaker for the second time on Saturday, October 13, 2018 in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE