Ok Y’all this is been an Idea floating through my head for sometimes and I just wanted to share it with the world.
I don’t think a lot of people believe there’s a difference between Parental love (love between a parent and child) and Relational love (Love between Intimate lovers). Now generally, to me it seems that women overall want Parental love to function in Relational love.
The difference to me:
Parental Love is a much more Unconditional Love. A good parent loves the child with the understanding that the child is not mature. That love is grounded in empathy…and sometimes Pity. The parent Feels RESPONSIBLE in CULTIVATING MATURITY out of the child and is much more tolerant in dealing with rebellious and deviant behavior. The child is not expected to carry a full sense of responsibility or integrity as an adult towards the parent or relationship, but they are expected to listen and obey more so than not.
NOW Relational love is a MUCH more Conditional love (At best it’s Love with the least Conditions). It is the assumption that two mature adults are coming together and that there are understood boundaries of RESPECT and limited TOLERANCE. (SIDENOTE: If you find yourself respecting the other person more than yourself by tolerating more than your personal sense of respect can handle, you are not respecting yourself enough). Each person is in control of themselves and they are not looking for the other person to be their Governor or Rule maker. This love is grounded in personal MATURITY, and personal RESPONSIBILITY. When this does not exist, one party may feel they are carrying the weight of the false-relationship (there is no relationship, because there really is no relating, no meeting of the minds and ultimately no meeting of the heart (core)).
POINT of it all.
I don’t think you can carry a Relational Love situation applying Parental Love dynamics. You need two individuals that RESPECT themselves, and RESPECT each other for it to work. This message is primarily for the ladies because more often I hear the words “I want somebody to love me UNCONDITIONALLY” which to me and many men sounds like “I want someone to deal with my SHIT continuously, and ask no questions, nor hold me to any solid standards. To me , that sounds like immaturity, as if such woman is looking for a Daddy …..and not a man.
Secondarily, there are an awful lot of mommas boys out there that are not mentally grown up yet, who have not taken on a level of personal integrity that keeps them from doing STUPID shit that adversely affects the relationships they think they are in. Indecisive ass males that do not know where they want to be.
The CALL of the Day is to GROW up. Take OWNERSHIP and RESPONSIBILITY for our lives and the choices we make. Responsibility and Accountability are not curse words, they are FREEDOM words. The more Autonomous we become, the less we have to rely on others for our personal understanding, happiness, and fulfillment which leads to our personal freedom.
The people I think have the most trouble trusting themselves with the Responsibility and Accountability are those that remain heavily in the emotional realm of themselves. They are always chasing what feels good and shifting from idea to idea,person to person, situation to situation, trying to escape some level of accountability they need to have for their life ancd choices. From the outside looking in, that is a losing battle. A person like that keeps giving ever increasing power to the people and situations and ideas they focus on. They put so much of their FATE in other’s hands because they can’t muster the FAITH to believe in their ability to make sound and personally progressive choices.
These are my THOUGHTS. It’s the way I see it all.
Many people did not get the experience of good Parental Love they were supposed to have when they were children. And so they are trying to make up for lost time through their current relationships. They want that EXPERIENCE. I think it has to be understood for what it is, a MISSED EXPERIENCE, and it has to be LET GO. There’s a reason why such people survived childhood and became adults……what’s stuck is the emotional energy from that longing to be loved as a child. BUT the PAST is now DEAD………….. except for what we choose to keep resurrecting from it.
And so now that the distinction between Parental love and Relational Love has been made, it’s time to Step into a more mature level of love (hopefully). We have to stop looking for mommies and daddies in our mates and start looking for MEN and WOMEN, because we are MEN and WOMEN. Time and Circumstance has GROWN us up. Many of us are functional in damn near every other aspect of our lives EXCEPT Relating Maturely to each other. I believe now, it stays this way by choice, because we are looking for an understanding of Love that has now passed us. Parental love is like “training wheels” love. It’s love with ASSISTANCE and with the understanding that it has to be carried with understanding and tolerance on a majority side. RELATE-tional love is the NEXT level. Even the relationships between Parent and Child Change and require more mutual accountability when the child becomes an adult. Or else what you get is an ENABLING relationship, which is as sad as seeing a 60 year old parent teaching a 40 year old child how to ride a bike with training wheels, holding all or most of their weight up, struggling and hoping that that “child” will eventually learn how to “BALANCE” themselves and ride the bike.
STAY BLESSED and Thanks for your Time in advance.