A personal story that relates to this article:
I’ve had a lotta sales jobs in my life. I’ve sold everything from vacations to cell phones, to foreclosure listings, to furniture, to magazine ads, you name it I’ve sold it. Well much like lifelong salesman I’ve had a couple stints selling cars. I’ve worked for a couple high end car lots, the ones where brand new cars make up most of their inventory, all the way down to used car lots.
Now selling used cars is an entirely different game because there are different concerns. Customers who go to a high end car lots are worried about paying too much. Customers who come to a used car lot are worried about the car breaking down a mile down the road. High end car lot customers ain’t worried about the reliability of the cars because they’re brand new; they’re not gonna give you any trouble. They’re concerned with the interest rate and/or getting price gouged.
Used car customers are worried about the car breaking down AND credit. If people had good credit they’d go high end if they didn’t have the cash to buy a car outright. But if they don’t have enough to get the title and they have bad credit, they have to go to a used car lot where the credit standards are a little more relaxed. Sometimes you have car lots that finance you regardless of credit because they put a GPS on your car, then jack up the interest rate. These are your “buy here, pay here” lots.
One thing that used to happen to me all the time when I sold used cars is I’d have a customer come in and tell me they have bad credit. So of course I’m givin’ ‘em all the lines “don’t worry, we gotchew covered” “we’re gonna find a bank to finance you” “we’re gonna put you in a car today if it’s the last thing we do.” So they’re all excited because they’re gonna get a new car.
So I’d run their credit and their FICO score would be somewhere in the neighborhood of 650 which isn’t the best credit score, but it’s not terrible. More importantly, it’s the kind of score that would allow a customer to go to a high end car lot and finance a brand new car.
So I’d tell the customer, “hey your credit’s actually pretty good! You’re gonna be able to finance any car you want on the lot.” Now the first time I told a customer they had better credit than they thought, they were ecstatic. They got excited started looking at the cars and everything but I didn’t make the sale and I had no idea why. I thought to myself “The guy had decent credit, he did’t think he could get approved for financing so why didn’t he buy a car?”
The second time this happened to me, it was the same thing “Oh I have bad credit but I need a car” and I ran the guys credit and he was in the mid 600s…..again, the kind of score that could get financed at a high end car lot for a brand new car. So again I tell the guy “hey good news, you’ve got pretty good credit!” But THIS time, the guy’s wife said to him right in front of me “Well…..why don’t we just go to Toyota then?”
Now I was quick on my feet and said “Well because they’re gonna charge you a higher interest rate which means a higher car payment.” And the guy starts nodding and says “yeah, we don’t want a high car payment” but i could see in his face that he was full of shit…and i was right because they told me they’d go home and “think about it” and I never saw them again.
What those two experiences taught me was that if a person thought they had bad credit but actually had decent credit, to let them continue to think that even if they don’t. You can’t get away with that these days because people can get their credit scores on their phones in 15 seconds but back then it wasn’t like that. Customers had to take our word for it that they were either approved or that they weren’t.
But from then on, if a customer came in and told me they had bad credit, I’d continue to make ‘em think they did even if I found out their FICO score was 680 because THE MINUTE A CUSTOMER THINKS THEY HAVE MORE CAR BUYING OPTIONS THEY WILL NEVER BUY FROM YOU. They couldn’t give less of a shit if their interest rate is 6 points higher at a high end lot because they’re getting a brand new car when less than 24 hours ago they weren’t sure they could buy a used junk bucket.
So what’s this got to do with complimenting your woman too much?
I’m glad you asked.
Women are the same as car customers, gentlemen. Their value is dictated by male response. If most men a woman interacts with treat her with favor meaning they give her compliments, they’re nice to her, they do favors for her, they look at her, they give her attention, then she knows she’s got options….or “good credit.”
The less “credit” or value a woman has in the way of looks, personality, and overall femininity, the more she’ll have to compromise when it comes to men. Hot girls get to fuck, date, and marry the best guys out there. The best looking Men, the richest Men, the most talented etc. Not so attractive women get the leftovers; the “used cars” of the dating world; snd they’re generally okay with it because they know they know they don’t have as much value (“credit”) to men as the high value girls.
But a HUGE mistake that guys are making with their women is the same mistake I was making with customers who had better credit than they thought and that’s showering their women with compliments and approval. Telling her she’s beautiful all the time; telling her how much he loves her every day; constantly telling her how smart she is, how great she is and so forth.
And the same thing that happened to me on the used car lot, is gonna happen to them in their relationships and here’s how: At some point, if a girl hears all of these glowing remarks about her long enough, eventually she’s gonna subconsciously think to herself: “You know? I think I can do better. If I can impress Steve THIS much, then I could easily get with the Kevin, the hot sales guy at work. I knew I was a half decent girl but I didn’t know I was THIS good. I think I’m gonna explore my options and see what else is out there for me!”
This is what happens when you blow sunshine up your woman’s ass too much. She starts to believe all of your hyperbolic narrative about her. She hears and sees it so much she internalizes it and ultimately she truly believes it.
Ever seen a 5 who acts like she’s a 10 and you think to yourself “Why does she act like she’s so hot? She’s got hair on her chin and a lazy eye so what the fuck?” Well, she’s got a boyfriend who showers her with love and attention and validation and compliments 24/7 like all the Facebook memes tell him to do in order to keep her happy and have a great relationship. The problem is he’s doing the opposite. He’s filling her head so full of crap that she really does think she’s hot shit who could have any guy she wants, and it won’t be long before she steps out on him.
Now let’s get something straight here before you simps out here start cryin’: Nobody’s suggesting that you never compliment your woman. Women need validation and they need approval. They need to know when they’re doing it right and if you withhold your praise when she clearly deserves it, she’s only gonna tolerate that for so long. Girls need to know their man is pleased with them and what they do IF they deserve it. And YOU’RE the judge of that NOT her. Your woman needs YOUR approval, not her own.
But by the same token you have to be fair. Don’t be unreasonable. If she looks good, tell her she looks good. If you’re appreciative of what she does for you, let her know. But giving her residual approval for something she only does ONE TIME, is counterproductive. Telling her she’s hot every day because she dressed up 3 months ago isn’t helping either of you. Telling her she’s an unbelievable cook because she made you a 7 course meal a year ago is gonna make her lazy.
She’ll stop trying because you’re giving her validation without her earning it again. You’re giving her attention she doesn’t deserve and at some point human nature’s gonna kick in and she’s put in less and less effort for something she knows she can get for free, which is why she doesn’t make an effort to look good anymore and laughs when you ask her what she’s cooking you for dinner.
If your woman woman has a disrespectful tone with you, look her in the eye and say “watch your fuckin’ tone…” If your woman makes you a killer steak dinner say “Goddam you rocked this steak baby! ‘ppreciate that!” You must reward the good and punish the bad at all times.
But most importantly, do not shower her with compliments for mediocre effort. If she does something she’s supposed to be doing anyway, every once in awhile show a LITTLE appreciation but don’t make a big production out of it. You don’t need your woman expecting you to sing her praises for remembering to stop and grab some bottled water. Every so often just say “Thanks….’ppreciate it” and leave it at that.
Gentlemen, do not treat her like she’s got a 790 credit score ”if she’s giving 450 fico score effort. If she’s acting right, let her know. If she gets outta line, put her ass back in line. Don’t tell her she’s the greatest woman who’s ever graced the face of the earth all day every day. You’re setting yourself up for failure….just like I did twice at that car lot.
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