The Real Lesson Black Women Should Learn From The Jessie Williams Fall From Grace

Jesse Williams arrives at the HBO Golden Globes after party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday, Jan. 12, 2014, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP)
Jesse Williams arrives at the HBO Golden Globes after party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday, Jan. 12, 2014, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP)

“There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.”

Niccolo Machiavelli

“The one who adapts his policy to the times prospers, and likewise that the one whose policy clashes with the demands of the times does not.”

Niccolo Machiavelli

The 2 quotes above are some of my favorite of all time. They are from Niccolo Machiavelli and can be found in his 1513 political treatise, The Prince. Despite having been written in the 16th century, Machiavelli’s words are perhaps more poignant now in the 21st century.  For all our achievements as a species, the one thing that has remained virtually unchanged through the millennia of recorded human history is our mating/dating practices.  Let me explain what I mean.

In the first quote, and I’m paraphrasing and summarizing, Machiavelli discusses just how hard it is to change things, He calls it an introduction of a new order of things. History has shown that he’s right.  No change of the status quo has ever come easy.  Look no further than our own country here in the United States.  Look at all the lives lost for independence from the British, or for the abolition of slavery, or for the right vote, etc.    Where this comes together with the Jessie Williams fall from grace is that the sisters tried to institute a new order of things, and failed.

Black people in general, but black women especially; love to live vicariously through other people. That’s the reason why they’ll be broke as fuck, yet have designer handbags. It’s the reason why they’ll spend ridiculous amounts of money on weaves, wigs, and makeup, but won’t spend that same amount of money on something that will actually benefit them.  In this case the person that the sisters were trying to live vicariously through was Aryn Drake-Lee.

Now, I said previously that the sisters tried to institute a new order of things and failed. I want to circle back to that. See, the new order of things that the sisterhood tried and failed to institute, and frankly has been failing at, and will continue failing at, is trying to change the standard of beauty. By extension, they’re trying to change who we as men find as attractive, as well as change the fact that by and large that men chose mates that are their assortative equal. In simpler terms, attractive men, get attractive women. Busted men, get busted women, etc.

Jessie Williams by all accounts is a good looking guy. The simple truth is that his wife, in terms of attractiveness, isn’t his equal.  So, he did what most men do in that situation. He got the most attractive woman that the combination of his looks, status, and resources would allow. Yes, he left her for a more attractive white woman. Now, obviously there’s a racial component in play. But let’s be honest. At this point this isn’t new. Sisters claim that brothers do this all the time. So to me, where the real butt hurt lies in what I said previously. The plain Jane sisters were trying to live viciously through Aryn Drake- Lee. Seeing her with a man as good looking as Jessie Williams gave them hope, and more importantly validation.  They were of the mindset that if a plain Jane such as Aryn Drake-Lee could land a high grade brother like Jessie Williams, surely they could do. They saw this man basically married to themselves. So when he ultimately filed for divorced, and essentially upgraded, it felt like he was divorcing them as well.  That’s the reason why it cuts so deep and hurts so bad and why he’s received such backlash vitriol. As I said in the beginning of this article, human mating/dating choices haven’t changed through the course of recorded history.  Black women, namely the plain Jane and below average ones, sought to try to bring about a change in the way mating works, and ultimately ended up their tail between their legs.

Now let’s look at the second quote. Again, I’m paraphrasing and summarizing, but Machiavelli is basically saying that you must either get with the times or get left behind. The simple truth is that not all, but a significant amount of black women refuse to get with the time and thus are being left behind.  The numbers bears this out.  Another simple truth is that by and large on the dating market, in the aggregate, black men have a higher value and thus more options than black women.  For the sisters that do have options, which again are comparatively smaller than the brothers that do, they are less likely to exercise them.  What does this have to with Aryn Drake-Lee?  The short answer is everything.  Again, as I stated before she and Jessie Williams are not equals in terms of attractiveness.  Rather than adapt with the times, which in this case would’ve meant working on her appearance, she didn’t.   See, she figured that because she had him when he was a relative nobody and because she was financially secure, she could circumvent the laws of attraction and was greeted with a bitter dose of reality. A relationship, particularly a marriage requires evolution because the people that comprise them change as well. She didn’t change to meet his new level of status and paid for it with her marriage. But, hey at least she got to do what so many sisters like her never get to do, be with a man that she knew was out of her league.

In closing, the real lesson to be learned from this for the sisters in my opinion is simple. Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Aryn Drake-Lee got a man that was beyond her means to keep and his now mad. The simple truth is, she and sisters like her, are lucky to even be with a man that is clearly several standard deviations more attractive than them, and if they are willing to adapt to keep them, a temporary situation is the best that they can hope for.







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