She Has To Choose You First

When I was 12-years old I asked my mother “How do you get a girlfriend?” She looked at me with disdain in her eyes and replied, “DATE THE GIRLS THAT LIKE YOU.” I remember thinking this is the dumbest advice I have ever heard. I mean, how do you know if a girl likes you? It took me fourteen years to realize just how profound that statement was. This article will teach you how to not spend countless amounts of time and money on women who have little to no interest in ever having any type of relationship with you. Also, compare the actions of a woman how has chosen to be with you to a woman who has not.

Interest level & The Select Man

In the article “Dating Games Women Play” I briefly covered the concept of “Interest Level”. As a reminder “Interest Level” is a measuring stick for a woman’s attraction towards you. Interest Level is the most important concept in relationships. It’s the reason why some men have sexual harassment cases and others don’t. It’s the reason why some men marry the wrong person and others don’t. You first meet a woman it is important to know her attraction level to you. You can always raise a woman attraction level throughout the relationship but when hard times occur, believe me, they will, she will return to the default level of attraction she had at the beginning of the relationship. Meaning that if a woman’s attraction level started at 60% and later risen to 85% once issues occur in the relationship she will slowly return to her default level at the beginning of the relationship. If a woman has a high level of attraction at the beginning of the relationship she will be more likely to fight for the relationship when hard times occur.

In the book, Nice Guys and Players the author, Rom Wills, covers the science behind the Select and Non-Select male. Most people are familiar with the terms Alpha Male & Beta Male. Rom Wills takes it a step further with the notion of the Select and Non-Select Male. Rom Wills believes that every man is Select and Non-Select to someone. The subtypes of  Select men are The Masked Men and Mr. Goodbar. The subtypes of the Non-Select men are The Nice Guy, Simps, and Gamesmen. What important to understand is that all men fluctuate between being a Select and Non-Select man and that women choose a man based on their needs. A woman has multiple needs but her most important needs are her Financial Needs and Sexual Needs.

ATTRACTION LEVEL: 0%-50% (Non-Select)

When a woman’s Attraction Level is at 50% or below you have no chance of getting with her. She will want to have nothing to do with you. You do not exist to women at this level. If you are bold enough to approach her she may speak to you but expect the conversation to be kept short. She may give you her number out of kindness but she will never answer your phone calls or reply to your text messages.

She could find you unattractive for many reasons, such as your race, your religion, or your class. I wouldn’t wonder why she doesn’t find you attractive, just know that she doesn’t. My best advice for men in this area is to block her number, walk away and never look back

ATTRACTION LEVEL: 51%-65% (Non-Select)

At this level, she doesn’t consider you a priority and may only be speaking to you out of boredom. There is a good chance there is another man in her life. A man who she has a sexual relationship with or a man she hoping will become her boyfriend. Men at this level are commonly your Nice Guys and Simps.

Nice Guy’s are the men who put other’s needs before their own. BEING LIKED is the top priority of Nice Guys. Nice Guys like to make people happy and do their best to avoid conflict. Nice Guys tend to hold back their true feelings and try to do everything the RIGHT way.

This typically happens when a man has an attraction level that is higher than the woman he is interested in.

Nice Guys try to become the person that they believe people want them to be, repressing their own needs and emotions.

If she is willing to go a date with you expect for her to throw a lot of shit test your way. She may text on her phone during the date, give you snarky comments, or be non-talkative. If she is on her phone, tell her to put it away. If she comes up with an excuse as to why she has to use the phone, tell her that is it best that you guys end the date and reschedule to a time when she can give you her full attention.If she gives you snarky comments CALL HER OUT. Let her know that she is being rude. Make sure that you clearly communicate how she is being rude and why you are offended. If she is non-talkative just end the date. No point in spending time and cash on someone who isn’t excited to be with you. It’s important for men at this level to display strength.

ATTRACTION LEVEL: 66%-80% (Non-Select/Select)

She likes you but she will be on guard. Expect to have a few shit test thrown your way. Both Select and Non-Select men are at the level. When a man is considered both Select and Non-Select he has the danger of falling into the infamous Friends Zone. The truth is that men who are in the Friends Zone put themselves there. The Nice Guy routinely puts himself in the Friends Zone. As mention above, the Nice Guys top priority is to be liked and to avoid conflict. To avoid the Friends Zone a man must not be afraid to show his masculinity.

  • A masculine man knows who he is.
  • A masculine man takes responsibility for getting his needs met.
  • A masculine man is comfortable with his sexuality.
  • A masculine man has integrity.
  • A masculine man is a leader.
  • A masculine man expresses his feelings.
  • A masculine man knows how to set boundaries and work through conflict.

Your goal is to raise her attraction level. You do this by unapologetically being yourself. Women can tell when you are holding back from being your true self.

ATTRACTION LEVEL: 81%-90% (Select)

Ideally, this is the level every man should begin a relationship. At this level, there are no more shit test. Your woman is completely open. In fact, at this level, she will be chasing you. She will cook for you, Netflix & Chill, and pay for dates. All of your sexual desires will be fulfilled at this level. This is the level The Masked Man and Mr. Goodbar reside.

All men are a Mr. Goodbar to some woman. Mr. Goodbar is the guy that women find sexually attractive. He could have no job, house, or car. Mr. Goodbar is known for his handsome face, rock-hard body, or all of the above. The Masked Men are the men who worked for their position in society. They are the Star Athletes, the Starz of Hollywood, the Lawyer, the Doctor the Businessmen, etc. Masked Men are SELECT because of their status, social proof, and financial stability. Masked Men worked their ass off to become somebody.

All men, whether they are a Mr. Goodbar or not, should seek to become The Masked Man.


This is the area you want to keep a woman throughout the relationship. This is the “I Love You” zone. When a woman attraction level is this high she will ask you for an exclusive relationship. Expect her to ask you question like, Where is this relationship going? You’re not seeing other women, are you? What are we? This is a woman way of letting you know that she has chosen to be with you. She will post pictures of the two of you on social media, letting the world know that you are hers and hers alone.

A woman will only leave this zone when she feels hurt, misunderstood, and unappreciated. Make sure you continue to do the things you did to get her here in the first place.


Regardless of how attractive a woman finds you, all men should seek to improve themselves. As stated earlier, ALL MEN ARE A MR. GOODBAR to someone. You should not stop there. The goal is to become the best version of yourself. Never invest time into women who are not excited about you. You should only invest time into women who have an attraction level above 80%. You want to be a woman’s first choice. A woman who chooses you will celebrate you and put her best foot forward in the relationship.

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About Darron Brown 9 Articles
Darron Brown has Master's in Information Systems from the University of Utah and works as a Software Engineer. Check out his Instagram iAmDarronBrown.