As a black man, one of the ways your marriage will not add to the rate of divorce in our world today is for you to marry your mate. And if you are married already, make your spouse your mate. You see that statement of ‘Am I your mate?’ does not apply in marriage. You must marry your mate. Don’t just get caught up in the idea of marrying anybody. I will like to talk on six dimensions you and the person you want to marry or you have married must be mates.
1. Marry Your Speaking Mate
Marry someone you can speak together and understand each other. Communication is very crucial in marriage. Don’t marry someone who will be saying another thing when you are saying something else. Once there is dichotomy in your speaking and understanding level, you can’t enjoy that marriage. So many black men go to bar to hang out with friends and gist till 11pm because they know their wives can’t engage in any meaningful intellectual discussion.
2. Marry Your School Mate
By this I mean, marry someone you can learn together and improve together. Don’t marry ‘Miss Know It All’. Don’t marry someone who is rigid and not open to new ideas, new ways of doing things, or new innovations. Marriage is a great institution. It is an institution of continuous learning. From day one till death do you part, you will keep learning. Marry your ‘school mate’, someone who is ready to learn with you.
3. Marry Your Spiritual Mate
I am not so much a church person but I know that marriage is not just a social union. It is also a spiritual union. Marry someone who knows the same God you know. Don’t marry someone whose believe of God is different from yours. Two can’t work together except they are agreed. The spiritual controls the physical, even in marriage. It is necessary to check for spiritual compatibility in that person you want to marry.
4. Marry Your Spending Mate
Don’t marry someone who is stingy. There are so many expenses to cater for in marriage. A stingy woman or guy in courtship won’t suddenly become a generous husband or wife in marriage. Don’t marry a lady that has the financial philosophy of ‘ My husband’s money is our money, but my money is my money’. Marry someone who believes in dignity of labour, who is ready to work, not a lazy fellow who just want to be a consumer and not a contributor. Marry someone who is ready to spend and be spent for the growth and success of the family.
5. Marry Your Sex Mate
Marry someone you have sexual feelings for. Sexual feeling is not a sin. It is an instinct God put in every person. Sex plays a major role in the success of any marriage. Any woman you don’t have emotional feelings for, don’t marry the person. If you don’t have emotional feelings for that lady, leave her alone. A spiritual being is also a sexual being. No matter how spiritual you both may be in your marriage, you won’t be praying for 24 hours in a day. You won’t be reading the Bible or worshipping God for 24 hours. You will have sex! You will romance. You will flirt with each other. You will make babies. So, marry someone you can connect with sexually. It will help you to enjoy your marriage so much.
6. Marry Your Social Mate
Don’t marry someone you won’t be proud to go out with. Don’t marry someone you will be feeling shy to introduce to people with boldness. Marry someone you are comfortable to hang out with. Marry someone you are socially compatible with. Don’t marry an anti-social person. You might be wondering if you can find all the ‘mates’ in one person. The answer is Yes. You don’t need to marry six ladies to have all these mates. One person can be all that for you. If you also work on yourself and build your life, you can be all that for the lady that will marry you.