Standards For Me, But Not For Thee

“I only date tall men. You’re a pig if you don’t like fat women. #FeministLogic”
– Janet Bloomfield, “”

Last week on my daily podcast talk show “Obsidian Radio: The Podcast”, I covered a recent article that appeared on the website and created quite a stir among my listeners: “Dear ‘Broke’ Men: Don’t Punish A Woman for Not Wanting to Date You”. The article, written by “digital editor” Shantell E. Jamison, is only one of a million-and-one hatchet jobs that passes for journalism these days that lays out in excruciating detail, the myriad of ways in which men, in this case Black, are so woefully inadequate – and that they and they alone, are to blame for it. After all, a gal’s gotta have standards, no matter how unreasonable, irrational – or hypocritical.


Now, to be fair – and I noted this in my podcast on the matter last week – I have no problem with what the article said. Women, in this case Black, have every right to have any “standards” they want, for whatever reason they want – and as Jamison rightly points out toward the end of the piece, no woman owes any man any explanation for her mate selection criteria. If he fails to meet it, he should just quietly go back into that night. End of.

Fair enough, I say. And, I would venture to say that one would be hard pressed to find many men regardless of color, who would disagree with my position.

Of course, therein layeth the rub.

Because, you see, ANY time ANY man – but especially a BLACK man – is vocal about HIS own standards in what he would like in a potential mate and he finds many Black women to be wanting in this regard, out comes the following screeches from the Sistahood:

“You’re colorstruck!”

“You hate yourself!”

“Yo mama Black!”

“You’re fat/slut shaming!”

“You just can’t handle a strong, independent Black woman!”

You get the idea.

Recently, during my “maiden voyage” here at the Negro Manosphere, I wrote about singer, actor, author and book author Tyrese Gibson and his nuptials to his “Black queen” one Ms. Samantha Lee. Gibson’s remarks in admiration of his blushing bride got him the ire of the Black Borg Female Hivemind and among the perpetually butthurt, was none other than the entire “team” over at

Well, Gibson, never one to be the retiring, laid back sort, has returned with a few more choice words about Black women and how he’s found quite a few wanting. His statements on the matter once again inflamed the Black women-occupied sectors of social media, with another round of howls of derision and supposed “betrayal” – as if Gibson somehow “belongs” to Black Women, Inc. or something.

Of course, K. Michelle, Kenya Moore, Jacqui Reid or any number of notable Black women’s laments about the paucity of desirable Black men available, is all par for the course.

The problem I have with Jamison’s piece, is that it only highlights the rank hypocrisy – not just on the part of itself – but with the whole of our society, Black and White, when it comes to these matters. Simply put, what I have come to refer to as “male inadequacy” is perfectly acceptable, understandable even; but to point out ANY flaws that women, Black or White may have, is akin to blasphemy.

Take that for a “double standard”, beeyotches!

Consider that is the exact same “publication” that has featured “plus-sized” Black women on its cover in an attempt to “challenge” prevailing norms of beauty (while of course, NEVER featuring Black men who don’t fit the cookie-cutter notion of masculinity – like say, the 5’3″ Kevin Hart, or the nerdy and quirky Donald Glover, or the cuddly teddy bear Reuben Studdard). Consider also, that this is the very same rag mag that has featured, as recently as last year, a piece entitled, “Dear Black Men: Please Fall in Love with Who We Are”.

I bullshit you not.

See, when it comes to (Black) men’s mate preferences, all is permitted, in terms of examining, questioning and if need be, criticizing said preferences. WHY can’t a brotha be “OK” with a more rotund sista? Why can’t a brotha “evolve” to handle a “strong, independent” sista who “challenges” him? Why can’t a brotha be “man enough” to love a sista AND her kids? Why can’t a brotha date a sista who’s black as the proverbial ace of spades? Of course a brotha can’t have his own ideas of who he’d like to mate with! He’s just a cardboard cutout in the lives of Black women, dontcha know!

I don’t know about anyone else, but I for one have had it – I am beyond sick and tired of these “micro hypocrisies” that men in general and Black men in particular, have to endure, with a smile, every freaking day. It’s perfectly OK for Black women to run down the 1,001 ways in Black men somehow come up short, but God forbid the relatively few brothas that have enough “fuck you money” to be in a position to tell the world what he really thinks about the ladies these days – then, all of a sudden, he’s a Benedict Arnold in Blackface.

Hock and spit.

What this latest round of Black Female Fuckery just proves, is that the hypocrisy – is at an all-time high…

Mumia Obsidian Ali is the Sunday columnist for the Negro Manosphere. He also hosts a daily podcast “talk radio show” called “Obsidian Radio” on YouTube. Follow him on Twitter @ObsidianFiles.

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