When it comes to seducing women into agreeing to have sex with you (and particularly, casual sex), I look at the art of seduction from two perspectives . . .
1. Direct VS Indirect
2. Verbal VS Non-Verbal
DIRECT vs INDIRECT & VERBAL SEDUCTION vs NON-VERBAL SEDUCTION
Some of these terms are self-explanatory, but for those who need further clarification, I will offer a brief capsule of each method:
Direct Approach: To approach a woman in a ‘direct’ manner means to approach a woman, and within the first two or three minutes of initiating a conversation with her, you let her know in an upfront, specific, and straightforwardly honest manner why you approached her (usually, because you found her physically attractive and sexually appealing), and why you are interested in sharing her company in the near and/or distant future (usually, because you want to date her, or at minimum, you want to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with her). This was the primary basis for very first book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking.
Indirect Approach: This would be representative of when a man approaches a woman, and spends the first ten, fifteen, or twenty plus minutes or so engaging in entertaining and flattering “small talk” and innocent and trivial “chit chat” with the woman that has very little, if anything to do with that man’s true romantic and/or sexual desires, interests and intentions. The objective here is to first get a woman to ‘like’ you, and convince her that you are not a ‘psycho’ or a ‘pervert,’ and then proceed to develop some degree of rapport with her and allow her to see your sense of personal charm put on full display so the woman will then feel more comfortable with you and potentially become more enthusiastic and receptive toward you when you finally do reveal your real romantic and/or sexual desires and interests. This approach is the basis for most conventional “pick up artist” (PUA) types and many popular dating coaches.
Verbal Seduction: If you have ever listened to my adult-themed, risqué podcast program entitled, The Erotic Conversationalist, you probably already know that many of my female acquaintances, listeners and guests frequently refer to me as “The King of Verbal Seduction.” Plain and simple, if you use your voice, your words, and your overall conversational skills to verbally communicate your sexual desires and interests to women, and you ultimately are able to leave many women feeling ‘hot and bothered,’ this would mean you are a proponent of verbal seduction.
Non-verbal Seduction: Many men, and particularly a lot of the “PUA” types, do not favor being verbally direct with women about their sexual desires, interests and intentions. They prefer to let women know of their sexual desires and interests more so through non-verbal means, such as provocative or subtle body language signs and signals, strategic touching and caressing, and various facial expressions that represent sexual desire. Many dating coaches and seduction gurus refer to this as the act of “subcommunicating” your sexual desires and interests to women.
The vast majority of the time, I usually do not criticize or speak out against indirect approaches (which I really don’t care for) nor do I regularly lash out at those who blatantly promote the idea of non-verbal seduction and/or subcommunication (I am not necessarily ‘against’ non-verbal seduction and subcommunication, but I think they work better in conjunction with verbal seduction) until another dating coach, seduction guru, or book author takes a jab at what I teach.
Well, recently I heard another YouTube personality and Dating Advisor essentially assert that a man having a great “mouthpiece” (i.e., great conversation skills and verbal seduction skills) was somewhat “overrated.” Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
BEING VERBALLY DIRECT PREVENTS WOMEN (WHO ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU) FROM WASTING YOUR TIME
19 out of every 20 women know from the moment a man flirts with them or speaks to them in an ‘extra friendly’ manner that this man wants to engage in sexual activities with them at least once. This is no big secret. So, based on this, no man would ever need to feel compelled to verbally communication his sexual desires, interests, and intentions to women. Right? Uhm … right?
First, go back and read my article on sexually duplicitous women. Then, go back and read my article on women who I refer to as “Manipulative Timewasters.”
Finished? What have you surmised?
If a woman is interested in sharing your company in a romantic or strictly sexual manner – and she is not afraid to let you know this without much hesitation (what I refer to as a “Reciprocator“) – then it really does not matter if you communicate your desires & interests to her in a ‘verbally direct’ manner, or a ‘verbally indirect’ manner. This woman is going to be down to engage in the horizontal mambo with you regardless.
If a woman is NOT interested in sharing your company in a romantic or strictly sexual manner – and she too is not afraid to let you know this without much hesitation (what I refer to as a “Rejecter“) – then once again, it really does not matter if your verbal communication style is ‘direct’ or ‘indirect.’ She is not going to agree to engage in sex with you either way.
What if a woman is interested in engaging in short-term and/or non-monogamous sex with you … but she doesn’t want to risk compromising her ‘innocent wholesome good girl’ image and reputation? Particularly in the first or second conversation with you? Hmmmm.
Worse, what if a woman is completely uninterested in sharing a bed with you at any time in the near or distant future … but she was committed to keeping her lack-of-sexual-interest to herself temporarily or indefinitely?? Hmmmm.
SUBCOMMUNICATION – BY ITSELF – IS NOT REALLY EFFECTIVE (PARTICULARLY IF THE WOMAN IS A COCK TEASER)
Ever since late 2010 or early 2011, I have had quite a few of my followers and clients ask me my opinion on on the general idea of non-verbal methods of seducing women as well as the concept of subcommunication. Here are some of my general thoughts: At the risk of generalizing the concept of subcommunicating by culture and race, I would venture to say that if you ask most Black men and Hispanic men about the idea of ‘subcommunicating’ their sexual desires and interests to women, I can almost predict with certainty that a good number of them are going to tell you that they learned how to do that as early as the seventh grade, and no later than the time they graduated from high school. If nothing else, provocative and sultry dancing is the primary form of seductive subcommunicating for most teenage and adult men of color.
Speaking for me personally, I have been “bumping and grinding” with women on the dance floor since I was in the tenth grade. I can name a number of times over the last 30-35 years where I have been on a dance floor at a major nightclub or even at someone’s house party, and if many of those instances had been videotaped, you would see my female dance partner and I dancing as if we were having sex with our clothes on. 90% of my African-American and Latin male friends would offer similar responses. So, to sit in a conference full of PUAs or listen to a YouTube podcast and hear someone lecture me on “the benefits of subcommunication” was almost like a form of regressive learning for me.
I know many women who just love attention and flattery from men who will allow you to dance with them in provocative, seductive, ‘touchy-feely’ manner. That does not necessarily mean that any of these women would end up exchanging orgasms with you by the end of the night.
Just how do you go about subcommunicating that you want to have sex with a woman today versus tomorrow? This week versus next week? Long-term versus short-term? Monogamously versus non-monogamously? Hmmmm. My take? You can communicate general sexual interests to women using body language cues, facial expressions, and strategic touching and caressing … but it is extremely challenging, if not virtually impossible, to communicate very specific sexual desires, interests and intentions to women without eventually resorting to being verbal and conversational with women.
Bottom line? The best way to get any woman sexually aroused is by using both methods. My recommendation is to combine your verbal seduction techniques with your non-verbal seduction strategies and methods. If I had to lean toward one or the other? Of course, I would greatly lean toward verbal seduction. I am a master at using my voice and words to provoke highly desirable sexual responses from many of the women who I meet and converse with. I think men who solely and specifically emphasize only non-verbal methods of seduction (i.e., subcommunication) are those men who have very fragile egos, and are deeply terrified of any sort of abrupt or harsh rejection from women.
I love talking dirty to women. Absolutely love it.
I love to hear women say, “Alan … you are so bad. You’re nasty….” Me: “Oooooh … Say it again ….”
That’s my favorite phrase. “Say it again.” How can I communicate “say it again” non-verbally? Once you teach me that trick …. my repertoire is totally complete.
Now … please share this article with a handful of your friends, but do not tell them about the contents of this article verbally. No, no, no.
Instead, I want you to subcommunicate the contents and general themes of this article to your male and female friends and acquaintances.
All together now: “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE