I heard a clip the other day from a prominent Pro-Black scholar. He was saying that Black men need to love and marry Black women. It was mainly for political reasons and along the lines that Black love is revolutionary. For the record I agree with him. Many ills in the Black community can be dealt with if the family unit became stronger. For this to happen Black men and women must pair bond. As much as I respect the scholar there is a major problem with the statements he made. He didn’t look at the big picture.
Yes it’s great to tell Black men to love Black women but let’s be real. In far too many cases it would be an unrequited love. When will Black women be told that they need to love Black men?
Again let’s keep it all the way one hundred. Yes Black women may say publicly that they love Black men but the statement needs to be qualified. What should be said is that Black women love Black men with a certain height, facial features, body build, and bank account.
People who follow my work know that I state that women divide the male population into two groups for dating, relationship, and sex purposes. Those groups are referred to as select and non-select. The select group is made up of men who generally have a combination of sex appeal, looks, money, and status. The non-select group is made up of men who generally lack these attributes. In the Black community the select group constitutes roughly 33 percent of the male population. Obviously the non-select group is twice as large.
When Black women talk about the Black men they are attracted to they are talking about the men in the select group. Indeed when many Black women use shaming language against Black men it’s usually includes a reference to either a Black man’s looks or his perceived financial status. Ironically many men in non-select group may be considered handsome to some women and many have just as much money as a man in the select group.
So there is a large number of Black men who are seen as non-select to the collective group of Black women. These men are generally treated poorly by the sistas. In response many of these same men will look outside of the Black community for suitable mates. Some will simply withdraw from the dating game. A few will openly attack Black women through social media platforms. These are also the same men who will be admonished to “love and marry Black women.”
Are people seeing the problem now?
You have this scholar who would definitely be considered select saying that many Black men who are considered non-select should love and marry the Black women who are rejecting them. That doesn’t make a bit of sense.
A Black man can love a Black woman all he wants. He can be willing to protect and provide for her. It means nothing if she doesn’t love him back. Black women have to actually want to be with that man.
A major thing I’ve found with Black women is that they are not only rejecting two/thirds of the Black male population but they are rejecting the men who are most devoted to being with a Black women. Even though many non-select Black men will find love and happiness with non-Black women many other brothas would rather stay single than not deal with a Black woman.
In fairness, what prominent Black speakers need to start doing is telling Black women that they need to do is start loving ALL Black men.
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