“Dating equals porking.”
One of the more obscure aspects of pickup that is rarely discussed much at all is the utmost importance of what is known as Target Selection. A “target” is the woman you’ve selected to seduce into your (or her) bed for some rumpy bumpy action. Who you select is every bit as important as how you approach her, what you say and how you say it, etc. I’ve mentioned this tome before but it bears repeating because it is just that good: “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” by Neil “Style” Strauss. Part tell-all memoir and part pickup arts textbook, its teachings remain the fundament of Game to this very day, and it behooves every Non-Select Guy in this dojo to carefully comb through its pages. Strauss is one heck of a writer, and I fondly remember going through his book like a hot knife going through butter. If I ever meet the man, I gotta shake his hand (and get a pic with him, of course!).
Anyway, although we like to think of ourselves as a gentlemanly sort, let’s face it fellas: The ultimate goal of all of this is to GET LAID. And when it comes to this end goal, your instructor has just what the doctor ordered: a quick list of the Black women most likely to put out with the quickness. Today’s column will identify the five best good time girls around in Black America. Let’s get right to it!
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First off, let’s set some groundrules before going any further: YOU MUST BE FORTHRIGHT AND HONEST WITH THE LADIES ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I am no big fan of the idea that any Black man and especially a Non-Select Brother, somehow “owes” any Black woman anything; but I DO think that all Black men owe Black women the truth. So long as you’ve told her the truth, you’re in the clear and you owe her absolutely nothing else. So – and here I want to give a big shout out to Mr. Alan Roger Currie of “Mode One” fame – it is your job to be “upfront and straightforward” with any of these ladies you single out for your seduction operations. Got it?
That means, that you are not vague, hesitant or outright misrepresenting yourself or lying to the lady to get under her skirt – in today’s world such underhanded tactics aren’t necessary. We’re all adults here, and there’s no shame in expressing your desire to get some, provided you do it in a way that isn’t over the top, vulgar or just downright disrespectful (using profanity and the like, for example). See my previous column, “Sex is on the Menu” for more on this point and how you might broach the matter with your intended target.
“The Game” also discusses what it describes as “Managing Expectations” in its glossary section; I quote:
“To let a woman know before sleeping with her roughly how committed a relationship one intends to have with her, so that she does not expect too much or too little.” (pp. 443)
As other works on the science of human mating point out, like “A Billion Wicked Thoughts”, “What Do Women Want?”, “Why Women Have Sex”, “The Mating Mind”, “Sex At Dawn” and “The Evolution of Desire”, women (in this case Black), have a keen interest in sex, too – and some guys may be taken aback by just how much (and how!) – and they don’t always want to mate with a guy for life in doing so. My personal experiences along these lines has been, that quite a few more ladies are down with a casual or “NSA” (no strings attached) roll in the hay than we might think.
That leads me to the second groundrule: Loose lips sink ships. In other words, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. One reason why a lot of the ladies are apprehensive about putting out on the casual is because many of them fear, for good reason, that everyone on the block or at the pool hall is gonna hear about what her knickers look like. Keep it classy fellas, hmm?
Which takes us to the third groundrule here: These ladies are NOT “sluts”, “hoes” or “thots” – they’re just free-spirited ladies who like a good time, same as you or me. Moreover, they are truly doing the Lord’s work, because if you had to do what your grand dad did to get some, many of you would be jumping the broom with a shotgun at your back (or head!).
And finally, the fourth groundrule: Play Safe. That means, that you know your status AND HERS, and that you both are using contraceptive protection to make sure no “accidents” happen. Black America has enough problems as it is along these lines without you adding to the mix, capice? If she tells you that she’s been “fixed” (her tubes have been tied), trust but verify. Otherwise, strap up!
OK, so with all of that out of the way, let’s get to the kinds of ladies you’re most likely to have a great time with…
Let’s get the biggest one – pardon the pun – out of the way. “BBW” of course is an acronym that stands for “Big Beautiful Woman”, also known as “pleasingly plump”, “curvy” and of course, “thick”. There have been all kinds of raucous debates on all sides as to how to define it, but we all know it when we see it – we’re talking about fat chicks, there, I said it.
Big girls are the number one go-to choice for guys to get laid and for good reason: It’s because they are known to be among the easiest lays out there. You don’t need a heck of a lot of seduction skill to land you one of these ladies, and often they can and will step to you if you’re not careful. It may be harsh to say but it’s nevertheless true that for whatever reason – and there are many – bigger girls not only put out faster, but they tend to try harder, too – even in our “large and in charge”, “body positive” age. Bigger girls tend to be “down for whatever” more and are particularly known for their…oral skills, ahem…I’ll just leave it at that.
Of course, the major drawback here is that you’re not likely to want to be seen with her out and about in the light of day. As I tell the fellas in my dojo, “There are two types of women: Those you want to bang when nobody’s looking; and those you want everyone to know you’re banging”. Big girls as a general rule, and there are always notable exceptions notwithstanding, almost invariably fall into the first catergory. Of all the ladies on this “hit list”, BBWs tend to be the ones most played and preyed upon unfortunately, because so many guys straight up lie to them so often just to get in their pants. So, if you’re gonna make this type of gal your target, you absolutely must be straight up with her. It’s the right thing to do. Also, it’ll save you from getting put on blast on social media, you know Black women in general are notorious for that.
With nearly 85% of today’s Black women being overweight and a majority of that number clinically obese with average dress size of 18 or so, Black America’s “BBWs” are everywhere. You can meet them at just about every public venue out there all year round (pardon the pun again), and that’s not including apps like Tinder, Plenty of Fish or for that matter, Instagram or Facebook. Feel free to shoot your shot!
Wanna really have your socks knocked off and your nose blown wide open? Get with a NeoSoul Chick. Those Earth Mamas have seriously got it goin’ on between the sheets – there’s a reason why Erykah Badu had Andre3000, Common AND Jay Electronica sprung. NeoSoul Chicks are very easy to spot, just use Badu as a reference, although they can run the range in body shapes and sizes, skin complexions, (au natural) hair lengths/styles, you name it. But the “archetype” is all the same, and again you know the look when you see it.
NeoSoul Chicks tend to like what pickup artists call “Chick Crack” – astrology and other quasi-occult topics and themes, metaphysical stuff, which often tends to dovetail into “Afrocentric” or nowadays known as “Hotep” fare, etc. They’re also very artistic, either directly in terms of being so themselves, or indirectly in terms of liking others who are. Poetry, Reggae (especially anything Bob Marley-related) and “fight the power” type sociopolitical stuff has strong appeal, too – in fact, one of the quickest ways to bed these ladies is having a mean “Pro-Black” down for “Da Communitah” rap. Toss in some “Da Black Woman is Gawd” lines in the pot and you’ll be bumping bellies in no time.
Of all the ladies on this “hit list”, NeoSoul Chicks are all around the freakiest – and I MEAN freakiest. This is because of their inherent Bohemian approach and lifestyle, and they hold very little back in the sack. That’s the gift and the curse, because the downsides can be just as extreme if you’re not very careful.
For one thing, NeoSoul Chicks are notorious flakes; they’re not exactly the most grounded, sober and judicious people around to begin with, and often will imbibe the ganja to reinforce that fact. Thus, you have to take pretty much everything they say and do with a grain of salt. As Badu herself bears out, NeoSoul Chicks are among this hit list’s most likely to be baby mamas, precisely due to all the factors I’m laying out here. If you don’t wanna be the next baby daddy, you’d do very well to strap it up. NeoSoul Chicks can also be inclined to “put roots” on you and the like too, so you gotta be wary of eating any food they make you, especially anything that comes in or out of a pot. You can meet them at all the usual haunts such “Hoteps” tend to congragate, and just about every major Black urban area has such a community. The artistic venues, festivals and the like are the best bet, typically held in the spring and summer months.
Something of a fan favorite among brothers, Church Ladies are legendary for their throwing down during the week and “Giving glory unto Gawt” on Sunday. Sure, it might seem blasphemous, but the simple truth is that Church Ladies are lit – might as well enjoy the feast, right? Pew Research tells us that not only are Black Americans overall the most churched of all Americans, but that Black women are the most churched in particular – which means that we’ve got a large swath of ladies with which to work here. My own observation has been that the best targets in this group are those who are the most “prim and proper” – Sorors, middle management corporate types, teachers, that sort of thing – but, they require a degree of skill that the first two on the list do not. You have to meet a certain looks and charm criteria first – not at all unlike their pastor – but for the right guys, it can be done. To be honest, and of all the ladies on this list (and if you think about it, it’s not hard to see how several of these groups have some degree of Venn diagram overlap), this is the one most prone to the charms of Select Fuckboys – just in tailored suits.
Church Ladies tend to be the guiltiest of the the lot here, mainly due to their footloose and fancyfree days of yore and they have a hard time coming to terms with that. They may have a kid or two as a result as well, which compounds matters. Nevertheless they still “burn” if you know what I mean, and so they continue to find themselves on their back in someone’s bed – and back on the front pew on Sunday morning.
It’s pretty obvious as to where you’ll meet the Church Ladies – at church, LOL. But also, at “church-related” functions – you know, Singles Ministry, Bible School, church trips, etc.
Contrary to popular opinion in “Red Pill” online venues like the Black Manosphere, the truth is that “MILFs” (older yet still attractive women between the ages of 35 and 50 or so) are quite popular with the fellas. Don’t believe me? Checkout the aforementioned “A Billion Wicked Thoughts”‘ empirical global porn website topmost search results, read it and weep (pp. 26). Don’t believe the hype from the homies online – older chicks ARE indeed getting A LOT of action out here in these streets.
We’re talking about 35-50 and beyond(!), too – and like I said, there can be a lot of poozy gold in them there hills, if you’re up (or down?) for it. Also, contrary to popular opinion, the vast majority of these more mature ladies aren’t “cougars” out there “cruising for cubs” – that’s more fantasy than reality, because women tend to be more evolutionarily hardwired to desire older men than younger, and for many very good reasons: one, because as a general rule younger guys tend to be broke; two, because younger guys tend to be less mature; and three, younger guys tend not to be all that great in bed. Trust me when I tell you, older gals tend to be checking for guys around their same age, or perhaps slightly older (within say, five years senior or so).
Now, if you’re gonna roll with the older ladies as an older guy, I have to tell you, that it is VERY important to have your act together: That means, your money is right and your body is tight (or as tight as you can make it, all things considered). In a Black American context, where Black women have been documented to place a much higher importance on a man’s look and “swag” (overall presentation of himself), it is very important to be dapper, suave, you get the idea. “Thugnificent” vibe aside, being an “average schmo” ain’t likely to cut it with this crowd.
The great thing about the older gals is that in their best light they’re a lot less likely to be flaky like their daughters, are very upfront about what they want and, since it is highly unlikely that they’re gonna have anymore kids and have a lot fewer sexual hangups, they’re much more likely to really let loose in the sack. Many want to explore parts of themselves sexually that they either couldn’t or wouldn’t in their younger years for whatever reason – and if you play your cards right, they’ll want to “go there” with you. They’re also a lot less likely to be “Stage Five Clingers” – you know what I mean.
Of course, all of this rests on a series of assumptions that admittedly, is in rather short supply in contemporary Black American life – many older Black women have LOTS of all kinds of problems, too numerous to mention here. But on the off-chance you happen to luck up on an Ebony MILF, hop on it.
As I noted above, there is some good overlap between this crowd and the Church Lady cohort, so you can knockout two birds with one stone in terms of where you wanna post up on your poozy hunt – church and its related functions is a good place to start, although you can also find a lot of these ladies out there in the more secular Black American mainstream world as well. “Cultural” spots, like literary and arts functions tend to draw such ladies, as well as the more upscale lounges, social and professional “mixers” and so on, are really great spots to “sarge” (that’s pickup lingo for going out to chat up the ladies).
And finally, we come to what many consider to be the best of the lot – “daddy’s girls”. Do I really need to spell this one out for you, dear reader? We all know what we’re talking about – so much so that, as “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” confirms, the word “teen” is the number one search term on porn sites worldwide.
Young chippies (and by that term, we are talking about 18 to 25, max) are a seriously hot commodity out on the modern day Black American mating market, so expect LOTS of INTENSE competition for them, both long and short term. Because they’re both young AND hot, they can demand their “price” and more often than not get it, from the seemingly endless stream of guys fumbling over each other to pay her bills. Expect lots of “D-boys” and other ne’er do well types to be in the wings ready to pounce among the competitors for this pretty young thing, especially the more urban and “hood” you go. Many of these ladies are not above doing their thing at strip clubs, Instagram and/or OnlyFans type venues and establishments.
All of the stuff you hear online about only needing to have a “strong mouthpiece” to pull these honies – DEAD it. You need straight up signs of real world success that she would appreciate – which means, a nice ride, a cool pad and goo gobs of disposable cash to lavish on her, end of. It certainly doesn’t hurt if you’re easy on the eyes – being such always gets your foot in the door with the ladies no matter what their station in Black America – but make no mistake about it: You’re gonna need some ends meeting if you wanna get her between them sheets.
These are the kinds of ladies who have “daddy issues” which makes them want to seekout older men or failing that, men that strongly remind them of their dads – either way, this is where, if you’re an older guy, you have an inherent edge over the “thundercat” competition. Again, as with the “Sophisticated Lady” MILFs of Black America, you’re gonna have to have your act together and be on point – see above.
Without question and hands down, this cohort of ladies are the biggest flakes, so expect a lot of that, along with lots of “bratty kid sister” drama. Hey, you wanted to tap the hottest piece of poon in the pot, that’s the price of admission.
College campuses, malls, nitespots that skew younger, these are all the places where you can shoot your shot at these nubile honies.
So there you have it, gentlemen – my top five list of the best good time girls in Black America. Happy hunting!
Now adjourn your asses…
Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.