About this Concept Known as “Self-Confidence”

A man's degree of direct eye contact, his verbal communication skills, and his overall body language and physical demeanor and disposition are a direct result of his inner level of personal self-confidence

As a professional Dating Coach who has worked with many single heterosexual men of different races and ethnicities, different ages, and different socio-economic backgrounds, one problem I have observed in many of my clients has been a combination of a lack of personal self-confidence and self-assurance as well as the men possessing a high degree of egotistical insecurities.


Many men who are dating coaches, pickup artists, life coaches, and other related titles will throw around the term, “confidence” or “self-confidence.”  What exactly does it mean for a man to exude “confidence?”

I would assert that there are at least three major psychological factors that contribute to a man’s sense of confidence:

  • A strong desire to achieve a goal, accomplish a particular objective or task, and/or engage in an activity;
  • A high degree of motivation to take action toward the achievement of that goal or objective, or to engage in that activity;
  • A powerful and firm sense of positive expectation that you have a greater than fifty-percent chance of successfully achieving your desired goal, accomplishing your objective or task, or producing beneficial results from the activity you are engaging in


The starting point of confidence comes from your desire for something.  The lower your desire is for something, the lower your level of confidence will be toward attaining it or experiencing it.

For example, if you are a man who only has an ‘average’ desire to connect with a woman romantically or (strictly) sexually, then nine times out of ten, your level of confidence in approaching that woman and connecting with her is going to be ‘average’ as well.

I always tell men, never attempt to connect with a woman when you have an indifferent or less-than-average level of desire toward sharing her company.  Because more than likely, you are not going to present yourself as an extremely confident man.

One of the reasons why NBA legend Michael Jordan was considered as one of the most confident professional basketball players to ever live is because he had a passionate, almost obsessive desire to win each and every game he participated in.


There are many men who want to achieve great things in life, but how many of those men actually take action to achieve their dreams and goals?  A number of men and women have had a desire to become incredibly wealthy, but how many of those men and women have actually taken action toward realizing that goal?

In order to categorize yourself as a “confident” man, you must be a man of action.  Taking action is a mandatory prerequisite for exuding confidence.  Even if the odds seem stacked against you, and you have a myriad of challenges and obstacles in front of you on your path to achieving your goals and accomplishing your objectives, you must be willing to take action time after time after time again.

A confident ladies’ man or womanizer will always take action to acquaint himself with attractive, desirable women.  Always.  Fear of rejection?  Not a factor for a truly confident man.  Fear of negative reactions or insults from women?  This fear will quickly be dismissed in the mind of a highly self-assured man, and neither fear will ever paralyze him from taking action toward connecting with a woman romantically or sexually.


Some people have suggested that a person can only exude confidence if they have already successfully achieved the vast majority of their desired goals in life up to this point.  This is not true.  Referring to Michael Jordan once again, this would be like saying that the only way Jordan could have possibly been confident that he could win an NBA Championship with the Chicago Bulls in 1991 would have only been in a situation where he had previously won an NBA Championship with the same team.

We all know this was not the case during the 1990-91 NBA season.  The same thing goes for Stephen Curry‘s confidence during the 2014-15 NBA season.

A high degree of personal confidence and self-assurance contributes to the manner in which a man talks, walks, and generally carries himself.  You can see the confidence in his eyes, hear it in his voice, and observe it in his overall body language and demeanor when he is involved in a conversation with others.


Let us examine a man entering a hotel room with ten women.  Unbeknownst to him, three of the women have indicated ahead of time that they have some degree of interest in engaging in sexual activities with him … while seven of the women in the room have no interest in spending time with him in any sort of romantic or strictly sexual manner.

Now if the first woman this man approaches and initiates a conversation with happens to reject him abruptly and straightforwardly, he will probably feel disappointed.  When the second woman he approaches and begins a conversation with does the exact same thing, he suddenly feels dejected.  When the third woman he approaches rejects him harshly, immediately, and straightforwardly, he decides to just give up.

Sadly, this man – who lacks an adequate degree of personal confidence – exits the hotel room.

Next, let us examine a new and different man entering that same hotel room.  Unbeknownst to him, only one of the women in that room has indicated that she has an above-average degree of interest in spending time with this man in a sexual manner.  The other nine women in the room either have no desire to socialize with him period or at a minimum, they only are interested in recruiting him as a purely platonic male friend.

The man is quickly and straightforwardly rejected by four of the women in the room.  This does not faze him at all.

Another five women attempt to engage him in fifteen minutes or more of entertaining, but trivial ‘small talk.’  This man cuts each of those conversations short and quickly and straightforwardly expresses to each of these five women that he has absolutely no interest in spending time with these women in any sort of purely platonic manner.

Finally, he approaches and initiates a conversation with the one woman in the room who is genuinely interested in exchanging pleasurable orgasms with him.

And just what attribute about this man is this woman most impressed with?

Why of course, his incredible sense of persistence … and his high degree of personal confidence and self-assurance.

Which man are you?

More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions.  Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships.  If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.  Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA).  For more information, visit https://the21convention.org/arc

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About Alan Roger Currie 91 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net