Ironically I had not planned to write this article. I was chilling on my living room couch with a note pad writing down notes for another article for the Negro Manosphere. I was listening to an interesting podcast and when it went off the auto play brought up one of the numerous videos where Black women are discussing relationship issues.
In the video three Black women were discussing Black men who date interracially and their thoughts about the situation. No big deal in my mind because Black women generally have the same talking points in these types of videos. Listening to the video, however, I picked up on something that I saw in this video and in numerous other media dating quite frankly back to the Eighties. There is always an absence of Black male thoughts on this matter.
Using the interracial dating example, I’ve observed Black women give their reasons why they believe Black men might date a non-Black woman. The problem is that in over thirty years of these conversations I’ve rarely heard a Black woman say something along the lines of this statement, “I’ve talked to several Black men about this and these are the reasons they gave for dating a white girl.” Indeed as of the writing of this article I can’t recall a specific instance where this statement was made. It’s like trying to remember a profound statement made in passing at a party in 1992. You know it was said but it’s hard to remember the precise moment.
The major problem is that many Black women don’t want to hear the Black man’s side of the story. One reason is that if they were to really listen to what Black men were saying then Black women would have to look at their own role in the dating crisis. Sometimes even when Black men give their reasons for their dating preferences the sistas don’t want to listen. Let’s use the interracial dating example.
I’ve explained to several Black women over the years that a primary reason why a Black man will date and marry interracially is because of rejection. This isn’t actually an opinion on my part. Since the late Eighties I’ve FORMALLY and informally interviewed several brothas who were in relationships with non-Black women. I still have the notes. The common theme was rejection. Yet when I’ve explained this to many Black women they would tell me that I was wrong. Mind you these women had not done any real research and were going off of their feelings and opinions. The real issue was not expressing their personal opinions. The real issue is they did not want to listen to explanations coming from a Black man.
Well I’ll give the sistas this. They will listen to the viewpoints of a Black Man when it validates their own viewpoints. There are major problems with that stance. The problem is that the women are not going to get real answers. They are hearing and telling themselves certain things to feel good but it doesn’t help them in the long run.
When Black women discuss relationship issues ultimately it’s because they want a Black man. Black women in happy relationships with Black men rarely discuss these things unless they are getting paid to do so. In my mind if Black women want a Black man they need to find out what on a Black man’s mind. Black men consistently say what they want from a woman. We tend to be very direct about the matter. All Black women need to do is stop thinking they know a Black man’s motivation and actually listen to what Black men are saying.
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