We must all learn to maintain friendships and relationships in a healthy way, in a way that is good for us and the other person. In my life, apart from real-life friends, I have also met some few people virtually who I have never met in reality but we share very healthy bonds. It is about maturity, diplomacy, intelligence, and respect for one another.
One, it is necessary to understand people and choose those who are good for you, for your journey in life. The reality of life is that, no matter how much you love some people, if they are not good for you, they are not good for you. And there is nothing you can do about that. You don’t get to choose your family, but you can choose your friends, your association, and relationship.
Another thing is that you must understand your value. Don’t look down on yourself and don’t look down on others. Understand that no one is greater than you and that you are not greater than anyone. This will make you understand what respect is, and that all men are equal, just that some are more privileged than others. You don’t have to grovel at anyone’s feet because they occupy a higher position. Respect people, but respect yourself too.
Everyone deserves some respect, no matter how little they may be. When you get into any relationship, respect the other person, knowing fully well that everyone has dignity. When you keep respecting people and they keep disrespecting you, cut them off. It means they are not worthy of you and therefore do not deserve you. Cutting them off doesn’t mean you are proud. It is just good for your mental well-being.
And, there is a mistake that most people make: they are always going into every relationship with the mind of what they will get from the relationship. They don’t care about what they will offer. When you always think of what to take without thinking of what to give in return, you can’t maintain a healthy relationship. You’ll become a parasite and people will always run away from you.
Let me tell you something: everyone you meet in life has something they lack. Everyone you relate with has a need. It is where you can bring value. If you have nothing to offer, don’t expect people to take you seriously. They will only see you as a leach and won’t respect you. When you meet people, find something they need or lack then try to fill the vacuum, if you can. It is not easy to discard people who have value.
You can’t be completely useless. There is always something you can offer. Think about it. Don’t always be greedy for gains. Don’t be a glutton. Have a balanced view of life. Don’t live life like you are in an animal kingdom. Think of what you can gain, and think of what the other person can gain also. Most people end up being used in life because they are focused on what they want to gain without thinking of what the other person will gain.
You meet someone not quite long and you have started telling them about all your family problems and what they should do for you. They will see you as an opportunist and will run away from you by all means. It is the reason most rich people tell their gatemen and children to tell some people they are not in the office or at home. They know that every time those people come, they are coming with problems.
We can’t do without needing people’s help. Everyone needs help. However, don’t always go to people to talk about your problems only. Go to them once in a while to check on them, to bring gifts to them, to tell them about opportunities, and to proffer solutions to their challenges or problem. Be someone that has value. In that way, you will have a balanced healthy relationship. And people will respect you.
The reason many people can’t build friendships for long is that they always come into every relationship as a professional almajiri (beggar). Always begging people for things and money. The reality is that once people sense this, they will start avoiding you. And you would have destroyed a relationship that may be worth fortunes in future. Attach some value to yourself. Don’t sell yourself cheaply. Respect yourself and people will respect you.
Watch out for my next article: ‘The Law Of Mutual Benefits’.