The Power Of The Non-Select Guy

“Never underestimate the power of your influence.”
-Dinesh D’Souza

In last week’s column, “Three Great Things About Being A Non-Select Guy”, I made the case that contrary to urban legend and popular opinion, being a proverbial “non-select guy” is not a
death sentence; you’re not relegated to the so-called “select guy”‘s leftovers, nor are you fated to be a dreaded “incel” – but rather, such guys have a lot more power and influence than
they may realize. Moreover, many, many others know this – and work day night and fight tooth and nail to keep non-select guys from knowing it.

So, before getting into it, let’s briefly recap what is a “select guy” and a “non-select guy” and before I begin, I want to take this time out to specifically thank Mr. Rom Wills for coming
forward with this most helpful schema; it really does simplify things!

In the minds and eyes of most Black women today, the “select man” is tall, athletic, muscular, conspicuously handsome (think “Prison Bae” Jeremy Meeks, for example). In addition, he’s
socially suave and smooth, always saying the right things at the right times to the ladies, the things the ladies most want to hear (which, almost by definition, means LOTS of lying is
involved, be that implicit or explicit). When it comes to grooming, style and appearance, there is a noted range – from the debonair, to the “street” look. Either way however, they tend to
make a striking pose when they appear. It is an admittedly seductive and charming “lure” to so many Black women; who can blame them for nibbling on the bait, right?

Lastly – and I mean that literally, with Essence magazine among a great many other sources to back me up – Black women consider a select man to be one with conspicuous signals of
worldly and material success – depending on the social station of the Black woman in question, this can range from an upper tier criminal such as a drugs trafficker to a Big Law partner,
preacher/pastor, high-level politician or Big Govt apparatchik or, of course, entertainer/pro-athelete. It may be harsh to say openly, but the truth just has to be told: most Black women do
NOT select Black men first and foremost on intelligence for its own sake; in fact, one gets the sneaking suspicion that many Black women actively avoids Black men who are known for
their brainpower over their brawn. Formal education is seen as a marker of social mobility and all of the benefits that come with it, such as money and the good life – and it is to this extent
that many Black women value this in the “select men”.

Similarly, in the minds and eyes of most Black women in our time, the “non-select man” is in many ways, diametrically opposed the aforementioned “select man”. For example, let’s take
the obvious – height. Almost by definition, a “select man” will be tall – we’re talking 6 feet-plus. Non-select men on the other hand, are at best of average height, which at present in Black
America is about 5’10” and more often than not fall quite below that. Nor is it at all unusual for Black women to cross off their list men who have everything else together in their lives BUT
height – nor is this any respector of age, either. I have personally witnessed Black women well into their 50s(!) turn down otherwise good, solid bros for being “too short”.

Non-select guys tend to makeup for what they might lack in terms of sheer physicality, smoothness and trendy fashion sense, with time-honored “manly” traits: such as honesty, courage
and ambition – the very things many Black women can and will pass up in favor of that which the select guys offer, which by definition is of a fleeting nature. In fact, it is not at all
uncommon to hear Black women openly lambaste non-select men’s strengths such as dependability and stability, as being “boring and lame”, going so far as to calling such men “basic” for
having the hallmarks of American manhood – a home, a steady job/employment and the ability and willingness to care for a family. Ironically enough, the very same Black women who
scoffed at and scorned such Black men, are the very ones many years later to attempt to appeal to them – or in some instances – attempt to outright bully them, into cleaning up the
messes they made of their lives with “select men”.

Before I go any further, let’s get a few things clear: in no way am I saying that Black women don’t or shouldn’t, have the right to choose with whom they will partner; as American citizens,
Black women have just as much a right as anyone else to do so. Nor am I saying that “all” select men are devils and “all” non-select men are angels – since that seems to be the latest
“defense” on the part of self-styled, self-proclaimed “select men” on social media at present. One won’t have to go far, for example, to find the textbook caricature, socially awkward
nerdy dweeb non-select Black man – and to be sure, they DO exist, however extreme the notion may be. But, if we’re going to admit this fact, the other side must also own up to the fact
that THEY – the “select men” – that Black women often swoon over, are ALSO the very “Fuckboys” Black women can also be heard bitterly complaining about on social media and
elsewhere, too. As I said to Oshay Duke Jackson in a recent appearance on his YouTube show, non-select guys can’t be both non-select AND fuckboys, too.

So, to answer a question often raised by the faithful opposition whenever this topic comes up: “Obsidian, are you saying that ALL select guys are fuckboys?”. My answer is simple and to
illustrate the point, let’s consider the following analogy:

All Muslims aren’t terrorists; but in our time today, ALL terrorists ARE Muslims.

Similarly: all Select men aren’t Fuckboys; but, according to the public laments on the part of literally MILLIONS of Black women themselves, ALL Fuckboys, are Select Men.

Any questions?

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As promised above, I am now going to make the case for the power that non-select guys have – and it ain’t no joke. Why? Well, for one thing, unlike most select guys, non-select guys are
naturally suited to the long game of dating and mating – something that is naturally suited to being a man when you think about it. Unlike most (Black) women, who have to essentially nail
the mating thing on the first try and if they fail the consequences can be ruinous not only for themselves but also their kids for decades to come, most men can “start over” later in life;
indeed, it is not at all uncommon to see men doing this well into their 50s and beyond! However, select guys as a rule, tend to operate on a short term horizon – they excel at the one
night stand, the weekend fling and so on. Rarely do select guys succeed at long term relationships and are the most likely to be divorced, too. Non-select guys, on the other hand, truly do
shine as long term mates, husbands and dads – things many Black women realize, often too late.

Since this is the case, non-select guys should STOP trying to play the select guy’s game: trying to out-muscle, out-suave and out-dress him, etc. Now before we go further, let me
emphasize the fact that what I am saying does NOT give the non-select guy the excuse to be a fat, basement-dwelling, neck-bearded slob! Remember: gentlemen have a social life – and
that’s whether they have a lady (or ladies) in their lives, or not! To that end then, it is the personal responsibility of all non-select bros reading this, to get their acts together and there is
ALWAYS room for improvement, if only in little ways. In short, you should be reasonably fit for a man of your age, fashionably dressed and socially competent. These are NOT impossible
goals that place an “undue burden” on any man; they DO require effort, however – and it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to fulfill them.

That being said however, I do not think it wise for the non-select guy to attempt to beat the select guy at his own game; more often than not, he is likely to lose. Instead, develop YOUR
own game – let’s take those brains, for example. Make that work FOR you! Make your ambition, industriousness and honesty, work FOR you! You get the idea, here. The point is to play
to your strengths, instead of listening to others who really don’t have your best interests at heart and are in fact only USING you, because you have what they NEED in order to survive.

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Let’s consider how some of the aforementioned strengths can play themselves out in real time, shall we? We know – KNOW – that most Black women in our time have NEVER married, nor
will they EVER marry. And while this can be attributed in part to the life decisions of many Black women themselves, we still can’t get around the fact that it still requires Black men to make
the move of proposing in the first place. THAT is an example of your power as a non-select guy – you have the power to determine which Black woman will become a wife and which will
live out her days as either a Spinster or a Baby Mama. The same can be said of nonmarital, long term relationships – in other words, girlfriends. Again: YOU have the power to determine
which Black woman will be a girlfriend, and which will not – PERIOD. NO woman, regardless of color, can make this decision: ONLY MEN CAN. And since, by definition, non-select guys are
long game guys, we have all the power in the universe to determine which Black woman gets all the benefits of being a long term girlfriend and which is damned to Booty Call Purgatory.
Even Black women don’t relish the idea of being a “FWB for life” – at some point, they too want to be married or at the very least in a long term relationship and all that comes with it in its
best sense.

What are some of these benefits, you might ask? Well, if you refer to my previous column, “Lessons Learned From The Summer 2019 North Philly Shootout”, I made the case that non-
select guys actually offer MORE in the way of protection and security to Black women – the very same Black women who can be heard loudly wailing about NOT being protected in our time

“While it is a given that a Black man should have some measure of self-defense training and retain at least some degree of proficiency at it throughout the course of his life, what is often
overlooked on these matters is that security and protection of one’s woman extends far beyond mere close quarters combat. After studying these matters conferring with many
professional soldiers, special forces operators, bouncers, bodyguards, martial artists and the like, I have come to the conclusion that the very first thing to consider, is what the old adage the real estate world holds dear: location, location, location. And, using my hometown Philly as a case in point, security and protection of your woman really IS a matter of where you live.

The Tioga/Nicetown section of Philly, as expressed on this excellent crime data map put out by the Phildelphia Inquirer newspaper/website, makes the point clear. In a section that contains just over 17K residents, almost 16K of those are Black; the median income is just under $25K USD a year; the poverty rate is nearly 31%; and and those without a high school diploma, is at 21%. In the past week alone, there have been nine “aggravated assaults with firearm” and five robberies – and two of those involved guns. There was also a reported rape, on Aug 15, 2019 – one day after the 2019 North Philly Shootout.

Compare and contrast with, say, the West Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia, again using the Philadelphia Inquirer crime data map, for the same time period; as you can see, there are
approximately 5.5K Blacks, along with 5.9K Whites. 447 Asians, 367 Hispanics and 629 “Multi-racials” round out the roughly 13K residents of this section of Philly. Clearly, the more diverse population plays a role in a safer environment – evidenced in part by very low overall crime rate there – the last time a homicide took place there, was back in 2011, nearly a decade ago.

Income and education play a significant role as well – note that the median income of West Mt. Airy is nearly three times that of Tioga/Nicetown. The poverty rate is only one third that of Tioga/Nicetown and those without a high school degree? A mere 5% – one fourth of what it is in Tioga/Nicetown.

So, by merely using some simple metrics of my own hometown in real time, we can safely say that while it is useful, helpful and wise for a Black man to know how to “throw hands” as
well as being proficient in the use of some form of weapon, be that ranged, melee, improvised or all of the above, what is also very clear from the data is that location plays a critical, even MORE important role, when it comes to safety and security of one’s woman and if applicable, family (read: children).

The Obsidians know this and know it well and understand that the single best way they can provide security and safety for their women and families, is to PREPARE THEMSELVES
ACCORDINGLY. This means that they acquire all the education they can; failing that, they acquire all of the vocational and technical training they can – because these skills will enable a Black man the ability to live a much better quality of life, which will per force translate into added safety and security for any woman he chooses to partner with.

A Competent Black Man and Gentleman being able to offer security and safety to a Black woman is a huge advantage and asset – and no such Black man should EVER forget it. If you ever need a refresher, just look at what happened here in Philly in the summer of 2019!”

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The above is but one example of what I mean by making your inherent brian power as a non-select guy work FOR you – get it?

But wait, there’s more!

Even in more mundane ways, being a non-select guy brings tremendous benefits to Black women in a LTR; let’s take for example, a simple night out on the town. You might have noticed
a shrinking number of Black couples out and about these days; usually, what you will tend to see are “Black girls night out” gatherings – I like to call them a Herd of Heiffers – and they don’t
tend to be at many of the upper tier upscale eateries and the like, either (read: where well-heeled White folks frequent). That is NOT by accident; we know that the average net worth of
Black women is $5 USD, with college educated Black women being some $30K USD in the hole for school loan debt. For many Black women, they simply can’t afford a nice meal out –
why do you think Dinner Whoring is so high in Black America? Trust me when I tell you, “select guys” rarely take the women they’re banging out, either because they themselves can’t
afford it or they simply don’t want/have to. Early on, Black women go along, but over time, it starts to get old. Hence all of the wailing on the part of Black women online about “fuckboys”
– who do you think they’re talking about?

I could go on, but by now I trust you get my point – you, as a non-select guy, have tremendous power out on the dating and mating market. You get to decide which Black woman
becomes a wife. You get to decide which Black woman becomes a girlfriend. And you get to decide who even gets asked out. Don’t take your power lightly. Use it wisely!

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black
Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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