The Power Of The Purse

Being a "100% Man" means your word is law...or else...

When you pay the cost to be the boss, it's your way, or the highway. Remember that, my friends.
 When you pay the cost to be the boss, it’s your way, or the highway.         Remember that, my friends.

“As you say, “Should you choose to accept this mission, the expectation is that you WILL be paying for EVERYTHING.” And as you acknowledge you say, “You’ll get no argument from me that this is a tough nut to crack in our time today, so I see little use in attempting to make that sale. ” OK. I get it. I am willing to go along with the gag. However, have you noticed that every woman that Kevin Samuels has had on his call-in show (with the exception of Kendra D. calling in about weight loss or something) has been an uncooperative mess? Kevin wants us to go out there and slay dragons. I ask, “For what?” I have seen nothing that would make me shift from my hardcore MGTOW position.”
-A Longtime Listener & Supporter Of Obsidian Radio

I knew it wouldn’t be long before interested readers would have something to say about my recent column, “Yes, Gentlemen Should Pay For Everything. Here’s Why” (, May 26, 2020) – and, like my longtime listener quoted above, the principal counter argument would be, that going to the trouble to be a “traditional Black man” is a fool’s errand; today’s Black woman is simply not worth it, given all the trouble they cause and the relatively little they have to offer in return for a “100% Man”. Indeed, in the two weeks since that article dropped, I have received lots of letters all saying essentially the very same thing that my listener above has observed.

And, you all would be RIGHT.

As my listener has pointed out, my good friend, fellow YouTube personality and style/image consultant “Saint Kevin” Samuels’ recent string of live shows last month have indeed featured a number of Black women who, despite their ostensible suitability and qualifications for getting a 100% Man, upon Kevin’s further questioning, revealed much of the same kinds of obstinant refusal to cooperate. Putting that together with the litany of very real problems many of today’s Black women bring to the table, it is pure folly to attempt to argue counter to my listener’s point. Indeed, many Black men – and let’s get right down to it for purposes of our discussion here – the Non-Select Guys – see my argument a few weeks ago as little more than calling for my guys to be willing dupes to a woman or women, who have offered themselves up on a platter for a whole lot less.

All good points. I cannot disagree.

And yet, my argument a few weeks back is vital for reasons that I will reiterate, since I’ve made them before in this column – but which I now see is time for a refresher.

Let’s dive right in!

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at Now, back to the article!

As I’ve noted both in my most previous column on the subject but also in my columns “The Four Ways Of Power For Non-Select Guys” (, Sep 9, 2019) “The Power Of The Non-Select Guy” (, Sep 2, 2019), “Three Great Things About Being A Non-Select Guy” (, Aug 26, 2019) and “Lessons Learned From The Summer 2019 North Philly Shootout” (, Aug 19, 2019), just to name a few, I make the case that a defining feature of the Non-Select Guy is his stability – and his financial portfolio is a major reason WHY he’s so stable. Black women may whine and moan about how us guys are “boring” but believe me, they’ll be crying out for that “boring stability” after they’ve been rode hard and put out wet by the Select Fuckboys of the world.

This fact gives us a powerful advantage – which leads to the very first benefit of being a Black man who makes it known – YES, it is very important to let it be known that you are more than capable – and willing – to pay the full freight of a lady’s company:

1. It Puts YOU In The Driver’s Seat. As I’ve said before, when you control where you live, you get to set the rules of engagement – and I mean just that. You decide what is and what is not allowed in your home, including anything and everything. That means you don’t have to put up with a Sourpuss Resting Bitchface of a woman. That means you don’t have to countenance a bob-cut, half a mohawk, a “big chop” – or, conversely, have to suffer through mutant-colored weaves and wigs, or deal with a woman who looks like she weighs (a lot!) more than you. Nope, when you’re a guy who pays for everything that goes on in and around where you hang your hat, you get to decide what is and is not permissible in your home – and those who can’t or won’t abide by your rules can know exactly how to see themselves out.

2. Your Word Is Law. I know that I’m repeating myself here, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from making my daily bread working with Black folks over the past five years in particular, it’s that the old adage is oh-so-true: That Repetition truly is the Mother of Learning. Because you make it clear that every piece of paper with a dollar amount to be paid comes in your name and your name only, you also are in position to make it clear – because we all know that most Black women can and WILL test your mettle from time to time – that you are the undisputed Lord and Master of your home, and that you “ARE the Law!”, as the fictional Judge Dredd so famously put it. Our nation may be the greatest democracy the world has ever seen, but your home is not – it is a benevolent dictatorship and you are the Burgermeister. However, unlike tyrannical societies of the past, yours is not East Germany, Soviet Union-era Russia or present-day North Korea – no one under your roof is a prisoner. At anytime, any lady who resides there doesn’t like how things are going, is more than welcome to leave – trust me, it won’t be long before the word is out that there is a vacancy Non-Select Guy Manor and new ladies come calling in their “Oh, I was just in the neighborhood” kind of way. For every sista who won’t cooperate, there are easily three who will. That brings me to the final simple benefit:

3. You Get To Pick. Since Saint Kevin’s name was mentioned by my listener in the leadoff quote, I thought it fitting to recall something Kevin has said on numerous broadcasts of his of late; indeed gentlemen, what he said is true – you DO get to pick. This is especially so if you’re paying for everything. You get to decide which women you want to deal with – and if you’ve made a bad choice, you have the option of doing something about it, right then and there on the spot. Making mistakes in and of themselves isn’t a bad thing; only when you either don’t move to correct them – or – when you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. In either case, you are the constant – and the great thing about paying for everything is that you’re in the position to get rid of people and/or situations that aren’t good for you.

See how simple that was? But yea, I know – where are such (Black) women to be found? Because they certainly seem to be in relatively short supply stateside, right? Well, I address that in the final section of today’s column.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at Now, back to the article!

For brothers who are a bit older, let’s face it, many of our counterparts leave a lot to be desired; in addition to their looks fading fast, they have attitudes tougher than their looks, and a ton of all kinds of baggage to boot. The 35 and over cohort of domestic Black women on the open mating market today is harrowing to put it best – and by accounts, things aren’t looking to get any better, anytime soon.

It is completely understandable then, for any reasonable brother reading my writings and asking themselves what do they get for all their toil and trouble. But fear not, friends; the solutions are at hand! They are as follows:

1. Go Younger. Yea, I’m gonna say it: Notable exceptions aside, for all intents and practical purposes, dealing with Black women over 35 these days simply is not worth it. Aside from all I’ve stated above, there’s precious little tactical or strategic advantage in partnering with these ladies either. How can they help you expand your social circle with important people? How can they help you get that all-important promotion, or land that lucractive business deal or contract? To be honest, in most instances, these harridans will very likely sandbag you(!). Besides, if you have to put up with brattiness, flakiness and someone who really doesn’t give you much on the tactical side of the ledger, might as go younger – and by that I mean 30 and below. No of course, I’m speaking in broad generalities and as always, there’s a lot of moving parts to contend with, dependent on each man’s individual situation, etc.; but all things being equal, it’s simply better to go younger and cutout all the problems with most older ladies right from the start. With social media being all the rage now and much of it geared toward the younger folk as a matter of course, it won’t be hard to find such ladies – happy hunting!

2. Go Non-ADOS. Yes, that’s right, I said it. If you can’t quite get with the idea of getting with a much younger lady, and you still want to deal with Black women, this might be an option for you. Black women from the Caribbean, South American locales like Brazil for example, and various points on the African continent give you more options to work with, while at the same time saving you from the things you’re all but guaranteed to suffer from in dealing with the 35 and over Black American Woman Crowd. Although you CAN travel to meet these ladies (more on that below), the great thing about being an American is that everyone wants to be here – so chances are high that you can meet such ladies without ever having to venture out of the country. You can start by again turning to social media, with a concentration on expat communities from the aforementioned places; Facebook alone has many such discussion groups, forums and fan pages, featuring Black women from abroad, some of whom are now residing in the States.

3. Go Non-ADOS, Non-Black. This just may be the most controversial item on the list, but dammit, it’s gotta be on there, so I’m putting it in. Like the above, it is entirely possible to meet ladies of other races and ethnic backgrounds right here in the States and to be honest, when compared with the rank and file sista, they’re easier to chat up. This tends to go for the older ones, too, I might add. Kinda stings to say it, but there it is. Interestingly enough and as Kevin Samuels has recently pointed out, these ladies of other races and ethnic groups are actively seeking Black men who have their acts together out, which makes it even easier to go this route. The only real problem you’re going to have here are the VERY hard stares you WILL get from the Sistahood – but so long as you don’t mind that, this is a route to explore, should you be so inclined. With public and social attitudes continuing to soften surrounding interracial unions, relationships, dating and the like, this is a very real option on the table for those looking for an alternative to what’s conventionally on offer on the Black American mating market. Social media again is a powerful way to get things off the ground, if for nothing other than pointing you in the right direction as to where you can meet such non-Black ladies in person.

4. Go SYSBM. We’ve saved the best for last! By now it hardly needs mentioning from me or anyone else – but in case you’re still not fully convinced, I strongly urge you to checkout “Don’t Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex”, by Jewel Woods. Although the book is a dozen years old at this point, it’s as relevant now as it was when Woods first wrote it – and he unwittingly made a better case for the movement than anything more contemporary voices in the field could mount. After you’re done with that, checkout the legion of discussion groups, forums and fan pages on Facebook and elsewhere on social media, and you’ll be off to the races in no time flat. International travel is restricted these days, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t lay the groundwork right now and keep your powder dry for when things finally open back up safely. By then you’ll have lots of contacts on the ground to make your travels and adventures much easier, stress-free and pleasant.

The point of all of the above solutions is that they give you more options to consider, and ALL of the types of women cited above will not only appreciate a 100% Guy, they’ll be much more amenable to playing ball with him, too! After all, it’s not for nothing that domestic Black women over the certain age have a reputation for being difficult to get along with, right?

So, what’s the problem with what I said two weeks ago, again?

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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