The Real Reason Bad Boys Win

The theme is as old as time.  The Bad Boys and Good Girls theme.   The story is always the same.   The pure good girl who has her choice of eligible good boys is instead swept off her feet by the rebel, the outsider, the Bad Boy.   Everyone from spiritual leaders, to academic types, to men in a barbershop have tried to figure out the Bad Boys secret.   In the vast majority of cases people will look at the Bad Boy himself.   I say they are looking in the wrong place.   To understand the Bad Boy one has to understand the environment.

I say the environment because in order to understand the behavior of a subject one has to examine the environment they live in.   If one wants to understand why a fish behaves the way it does they would have to examine the water where the fish lives.    So to understand why the Bad Boy gets the Good Girl one has to look at the culture in which they are operating.

The underpinning of Western culture is the Christian religion.   Anyone worth their salt studying behavior in a culture will always look at religion.   Religion, regardless of the path will shape the behavior of its adherents.   The Christian religion promotes the idea of chastity especially in women before marriage.   This is seen as a good thing.   Thus a young woman being chaste is seen as a Good Girl.   Good Girls don’t do IT.   Yeah…about that.

The reality is that “Good Girls” do have sex.  Lots of it.  Lots and lots of it.   Ask me how I know.   The thing is that Good Girls are expected to be chaste or at least have very limited experience when they meet the Good Boys.   They at least have to pretend to have limited experience.  They still want sex but if they have sex with the Good Boys they know that they have to act inexperienced.  In other words they can’t be truly free sexually with the Good Boys.   That’s where the Bad Boys come in.

The nature of Bad Boys is that they go against the social order.  This ranges from simply dressing differently to actually being destructive to society.   This can be attractive to the Good Girl because as such they typically conformed to the dictates of society.   The Bad Boy is seen as someone who can free them from those constraints and at least allow them to be free sexually.

That freedom can come in several ways.   It could the white girl from an upper middle class family simply dealing with a Black man.   It could be Black woman from an upper middle class family being in a relationship with a street dude.   It could the professional woman dealing with the starving artist.   It comes in many forms but it’s the same issue in almost all cases.   The woman is allowed to be sexually free.

It’s not so much the Bad Boy but what he represents.  The Bad Boy represents a different way of living for a Good Girl.   He allows her to explore the inner parts of her sexual being.   The Bad Boy is more an archetype than a person.   Indeed there have been cases where a Bad Boy may start a relationship with a Good Girl and decide to change his ways.    This may sound romantic to some women but often the Good Girl will lose interest in the Bad Boy because if she really wanted a Good Boy she probably could have got one from the beginning.

So the key to understanding any Bad Boy and Good Girl relationship is not the actual couple but the environment.  Of course with individual couples there are other dynamics in play but the key is always the overall environment.

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